|
Post by ggold on Jul 14, 2016 23:29:27 GMT -5
Ooooo, I really like this. But can you (or ggold ) fill in Step 5 for me? I must have missed that thread. Seriously: edit the original post with that spelled out, and then this will get my vote for "Best Post Of The Month"! Thank you, Dan! I copied ggold's post to mine. It was her post that inspired this. I feel very grateful that I inspired you to write your post. ((Hugs))
|
|
|
Post by iceman on Jul 15, 2016 7:23:54 GMT -5
This is spot on. I'm in a holding pattern at #6.
|
|
|
Post by Isabellas39 on Jul 16, 2016 9:23:00 GMT -5
I'm stuck on stage 6 ... Great post !
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jul 16, 2016 10:14:17 GMT -5
Great post! I'd say I'm at stage 7 - Redirected Hope I got to stage 7 while in my marriage and now I guess I'm still there.
Also I want to add that for me there is a clear line for the stages. Stages 1-4 : Answers, Denial, Bargaining, Relapse - All before I found EP. Then the fog lifted and I did get depressed because I felt stuck and to some degree I was stuck because of financial reasons. After finding EP the anger grew though. I worked through the other stages 5-7 and it helped me escape. Stages 1-4 - nothing productive came from them. Stages 5-7 - were focused more on me and my future, productive stages. If it weren't for EP I would be a mess right now.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2016 12:19:57 GMT -5
I'm stuck on stage 6 ... Great post ! Me too. S'okay. We're in good company.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2016 12:20:40 GMT -5
And yay bballgirl!! So there's hope?? Here's, um... hoping??
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jul 16, 2016 14:24:42 GMT -5
And yay bballgirl!! So there's hope?? Here's, um... hoping?? Absolutely I'm a different person than I was 3 years ago. There's always hope but in our situations it's up to us to take action of some sort to initiate a change. Refusers don't want change. For example, I hope I win the lotto but if I don't buy a ticket that won't happen plain and simple. Side note: if I win the lotto I'll spring for a cruise for everyone but not a commune! Lol
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Jul 17, 2016 9:14:26 GMT -5
Great post! I'd say I'm at stage 7 - Redirected Hope I got to stage 7 while in my marriage and now I guess I'm still there. Also I want to add that for me there is a clear line for the stages. Stages 1-4 : Answers, Denial, Bargaining, Relapse - All before I found EP. Then the fog lifted and I did get depressed because I felt stuck and to some degree I was stuck because of financial reasons. After finding EP the anger grew though. I worked through the other stages 5-7 and it helped me escape. Stages 1-4 - nothing productive came from them. Stages 5-7 - were focused more on me and my future, productive stages. If it weren't for EP I would be a mess right now. If it weren't for the ILIASM community, I also would be a mess bballgirl.
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Jul 17, 2016 10:30:21 GMT -5
4 5 6 4 5 6 4 5 6
Fucking Groundhog Day.
Sick of it!
|
|
|
Post by duderiley7 on Jan 30, 2024 12:33:57 GMT -5
I am definitely on stage 6 but divorce isn't an option for me. I just want to accept that sex just isn't going to happen and move on to something else. But how?
|
|
|
Post by javba on Jan 30, 2024 12:46:49 GMT -5
This pain does not end. It feels like a personality flaw in myself
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Jan 30, 2024 12:57:38 GMT -5
duderiley7 Attempted to address your question somewhat in your thread iliasm.org/thread/6621/ready-give-onjavba I'm not sure. Would this "personality flaw" you refer to be beneficial in someone else's company? Like Bballgirl, I got to stage 7 without divorce. Found someone ready to be my lover, then my wife reset, long term. Thanks for posting here, DudeRiley7, I'd not read this thread and I may refer to it periodically on other threads.
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Feb 11, 2024 0:17:11 GMT -5
The Resentment Stage is missing. It was the end stage for me. All I could see was resentment. If she started to tell me about her day, all I wanted was for her to stop talking because she didn't deserve to have me listen. Even if I wanted to tell her something about my day, I stopped myself, only needing a split-second to remind myself I was angry at her. I swear I could barely look at her by the end, blinded by resentment. The last few times I found her attractive were fantasies about her with other people, because I simply couldn't imagine allowing myself to even feel intimate with her anymore. I hated feeling that way, hated feeling consumed by it, hated eventually NEEDING to feel it to drive me through each day. I felt that I was too cruel at times in my choice to ignore her, but I simply couldn't overcome it, and the overwhelming pain she had caused me over the years, whether intentional or not. And the resentment was, I think, what caused HER to end things.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Mar 3, 2024 21:31:33 GMT -5
Some scars run deep. I would prefer to never think of my ex again. But, memories resurface at times and that anger stage still casts its shadow in my thoughts no matter how good everything else is.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Mar 3, 2024 21:40:58 GMT -5
I am definitely on stage 6 but divorce isn't an option for me. I just want to accept that sex just isn't going to happen and move on to something else. But how? During my, likely final, divorce hearing, I challenged the paternity of her youngest child. Now, I have since found through "23 and me" that, yes, she is my child, but, when confronted my ex shut the f*** up. She did NOT know if she was mine. So, my thoughts on your predicament are, just because your wife is not having sex with you, that does not mean she is not having sex, and it does not mean you should not be having sex. English common law dictates that if a contracted supplier is unable or unwilling to deliver the agreed upon goods or service, the contractor is free to have a new supplier deliver the goods or service. Now, local family law judges may dispute the relevancy of this, but ethically I see no moral issue in finding a willing partner once the "right of first refusal" has been fulfilled.
|
|