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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 13:10:07 GMT -5
After some time here and some time away, I have decided its best for me to leave this forum. I have found that being here only worsens my depression and my own personal struggles. Each time I have to read about and talk about the sex lives that others have had, their experiences that are so much more than mine; it only makes me revisit my own poor history (or lack thereof). While I can’t change it, I feel like these discussions only drag me back to it. To realize even with the issues many of you are facing, you have already had a better sex life and more sex than I will see in my lifetime. Try revisiting your life but then wipeout all sex before you were 30, then drop yourself in an SM; that’s me.
My marriage is not going to end anytime soon. While it has its challenges, we are trying to move past that and trying to find better ground. And I will continue for some time to struggle to feel comfortable with expressing my own sexuality. I will struggle with it outside my own private time. Because, part of the problem is mine. You might think I am ignoring the problem but that’s not true, I am choosing to not focus my entire life on it. When I went on vacation, I found myself scanning the boards on my phone while waiting in line at Disney. WTF… it was only depressing me. The more time I spend away, the less it consumes me and the happier I am, the better I feel. Why dwell on not having something I haven’t had my whole life anyway?!
I can’t say I have a lot of friends here… and I clearly have butted heads with others. And others have grown “tired” of my point of view. My realistic appraisal of my situation. Sorry but I am not going to be Uncle Smiley all the time... And I even feel a part of one the reason that one person left the boards. And I feel bad and miss her. I will never be the life of the party, a sex god, or even much of an object of desire for any woman, but it is the nature of who I am as a person and not the result of the forces of the universe working against me. So I feel my time here has ended. Time to close it on my phone, remove from my favorites, remove this name. Focus on what in my life does make me happy, and how I can improve those things that don’t, whatever that path may be.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 13:42:05 GMT -5
Yeah this place is depressing, even if you have a sex life, although I'm just speaking for me. So much suffering and so much inability to escape it. So much inertia, false hope, depression. Sometimes I get close to taking a break myself.
I wouldn't blame yourself for someone leaving. I don't think you attacked people or made fun of people. You were just being yourself. Nothing wrong with that.
I hope you find some peace, man.
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Post by baza on Nov 11, 2016 16:30:02 GMT -5
I think these groups are situations where you put in to it what you can, and you take out of it whatever you find useful.
When the times comes where you are NOT getting anything useful out of it, give it the arse.
Thanks for your contributions Brother Roch649.
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Post by unmatched on Nov 11, 2016 16:51:12 GMT -5
We are not tired of you, we are just pushing you a little. We still love you  And you have to do whatever makes you happy, so good luck!!! |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 11, 2016 23:29:16 GMT -5
@roch649 - I'm a little proud for you to take that initiative. I hope you would choose to keep the name & check back in some months, but you need to do what helps you.
If being on the site isn't helping you, don't be on the site.
Good luck to you.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 12, 2016 12:57:36 GMT -5
After some time here and some time away, I have decided its best for me to leave this forum. I have found that being here only worsens my depression and my own personal struggles. Each time I have to read about and talk about the sex lives that others have had, their experiences that are so much more than mine; it only makes me revisit my own poor history (or lack thereof). While I can’t change it, I feel like these discussions only drag me back to it. To realize even with the issues many of you are facing, you have already had a better sex life and more sex than I will see in my lifetime. Try revisiting your life but then wipeout all sex before you were 30, then drop yourself in an SM; that’s me.
My marriage is not going to end anytime soon. While it has its challenges, we are trying to move past that and trying to find better ground. And I will continue for some time to struggle to feel comfortable with expressing my own sexuality. I will struggle with it outside my own private time. Because, part of the problem is mine. You might think I am ignoring the problem but that’s not true, I am choosing to not focus my entire life on it. When I went on vacation, I found myself scanning the boards on my phone while waiting in line at Disney. WTF… it was only depressing me. The more time I spend away, the less it consumes me and the happier I am, the better I feel. Why dwell on not having something I haven’t had my whole life anyway?!
I can’t say I have a lot of friends here… and I clearly have butted heads with others. And others have grown “tired” of my point of view. My realistic appraisal of my situation. Sorry but I am not going to be Uncle Smiley all the time... And I even feel a part of one the reason that one person left the boards. And I feel bad and miss her. I will never be the life of the party, a sex god, or even much of an object of desire for any woman, but it is the nature of who I am as a person and not the result of the forces of the universe working against me. So I feel my time here has ended. Time to close it on my phone, remove from my favorites, remove this name. Focus on what in my life does make me happy, and how I can improve those things that don’t, whatever that path may be.
Oi buggerluggs! Selfishly I want you to stay! I will really miss you if you disappear. Truly! If you do decide to it's totally understandable. But know you will be missed. X |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 16:40:40 GMT -5
After some time here and some time away, I have decided its best for me to leave this forum. I have found that being here only worsens my depression and my own personal struggles. Each time I have to read about and talk about the sex lives that others have had, their experiences that are so much more than mine; it only makes me revisit my own poor history (or lack thereof). While I can’t change it, I feel like these discussions only drag me back to it. To realize even with the issues many of you are facing, you have already had a better sex life and more sex than I will see in my lifetime. Try revisiting your life but then wipeout all sex before you were 30, then drop yourself in an SM; that’s me.
My marriage is not going to end anytime soon. While it has its challenges, we are trying to move past that and trying to find better ground. And I will continue for some time to struggle to feel comfortable with expressing my own sexuality. I will struggle with it outside my own private time. Because, part of the problem is mine. You might think I am ignoring the problem but that’s not true, I am choosing to not focus my entire life on it. When I went on vacation, I found myself scanning the boards on my phone while waiting in line at Disney. WTF… it was only depressing me. The more time I spend away, the less it consumes me and the happier I am, the better I feel. Why dwell on not having something I haven’t had my whole life anyway?!
I can’t say I have a lot of friends here… and I clearly have butted heads with others. And others have grown “tired” of my point of view. My realistic appraisal of my situation. Sorry but I am not going to be Uncle Smiley all the time... And I even feel a part of one the reason that one person left the boards. And I feel bad and miss her. I will never be the life of the party, a sex god, or even much of an object of desire for any woman, but it is the nature of who I am as a person and not the result of the forces of the universe working against me. So I feel my time here has ended. Time to close it on my phone, remove from my favorites, remove this name. Focus on what in my life does make me happy, and how I can improve those things that don’t, whatever that path may be.
@roch649 I am sorry you are in a bad way and do not think this forum is helping you. I know the worst feeling to have is being alone and thinking that nobody understands you or your problems. I want to try and comment about some of the things you have said. In your first paragraph, you said to "Try revisiting your life.........". I am sure I am not alone when I say, I was with only one person before I turned 30 and she was unfaithful and manipulative and (I could go on but you get the point). I have tried to erase her from my memory and would trade places with you gladly before 30 if I could. Your second paragraph, I relate to because I am in a marriage that I will not end soon either. A lot of people here are stuck in marriages they for various reasons cannot end. There are 2 general solutions people espouse, reality or fantasy. Reality is very hard and is the option mostly written about, for it permanently fixes a permanently broken marriage. Fantasy is less talked about but it's my reality choice. Imagine we are prisoners in Stalog 17. I feel better just knowing other people are braking out even though I am not one of them, and just dreaming of freedom to pathetically makes my life better. And the last sentence "The more time I spend away.............", is the best argument you can make for yourself to leave. But 2 things, you have a lot of posts, so don't you feel you were getting some good out of it? And if you were not so reality driven, but switched you focus to sort of the fantasy life that you are missing, would you feel better for it? Your third paragraph,"I can't say I have a lot of friends here..."? Roch, we talk to people who we have never seen or met. We have no idea what they are like except for their words, but I think that is a lot better than the non-understanding judgmental crap that you will get talking to strangers. You have more people who care about you then you think, but maybe like with a sibling sometimes you disagree. "Focus on what in my life.........." is what everyone is trying to do by being here, or they are just wasting their time. Whatever path you decide to take, good luck my friend. |
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Post by becca on Nov 14, 2016 0:24:38 GMT -5
@roch649, Everyone has their own journey and if you feel you are ready to move on from here, I understand and support you 100%. But please don't let it be because you don't think you fit in here. We may all end up here because of a similar issue but our life experiences are quite different and I find the variety of perspectives incredibly helpful and interesting.
But if it isn't helping you and in fact making things worse for you, then by all means take a break but do you have to delete your profile? Maybe just take the app off your phone and check back in six months or so.
Also, I can't imagine that you are responsible for someone leaving the board.
Good luck to you and you will be missed.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2016 8:31:14 GMT -5
After some time here and some time away, I have decided its best for me to leave this forum. I have found that being here only worsens my depression and my own personal struggles. Each time I have to read about and talk about the sex lives that others have had, their experiences that are so much more than mine; it only makes me revisit my own poor history (or lack thereof). While I can’t change it, I feel like these discussions only drag me back to it. To realize even with the issues many of you are facing, you have already had a better sex life and more sex than I will see in my lifetime. Try revisiting your life but then wipeout all sex before you were 30, then drop yourself in an SM; that’s me.
My marriage is not going to end anytime soon. While it has its challenges, we are trying to move past that and trying to find better ground. And I will continue for some time to struggle to feel comfortable with expressing my own sexuality. I will struggle with it outside my own private time. Because, part of the problem is mine. You might think I am ignoring the problem but that’s not true, I am choosing to not focus my entire life on it. When I went on vacation, I found myself scanning the boards on my phone while waiting in line at Disney. WTF… it was only depressing me. The more time I spend away, the less it consumes me and the happier I am, the better I feel. Why dwell on not having something I haven’t had my whole life anyway?!
I can’t say I have a lot of friends here… and I clearly have butted heads with others. And others have grown “tired” of my point of view. My realistic appraisal of my situation. Sorry but I am not going to be Uncle Smiley all the time... And I even feel a part of one the reason that one person left the boards. And I feel bad and miss her. I will never be the life of the party, a sex god, or even much of an object of desire for any woman, but it is the nature of who I am as a person and not the result of the forces of the universe working against me. So I feel my time here has ended. Time to close it on my phone, remove from my favorites, remove this name. Focus on what in my life does make me happy, and how I can improve those things that don’t, whatever that path may be.
@roch649 I am sorry you are in a bad way and do not think this forum is helping you. I know the worst feeling to have is being alone and thinking that nobody understands you or your problems. I want to try and comment about some of the things you have said. In your first paragraph, you said to "Try revisiting your life.........". I am sure I am not alone when I say, I was with only one person before I turned 30 and she was unfaithful and manipulative and (I could go on but you get the point). I have tried to erase her from my memory and would trade places with you gladly before 30 if I could. Your second paragraph, I relate to because I am in a marriage that I will not end soon either. A lot of people here are stuck in marriages they for various reasons cannot end. There are 2 general solutions people espouse, reality or fantasy. Reality is very hard and is the option mostly written about, for it permanently fixes a permanently broken marriage. Fantasy is less talked about but it's my reality choice. Imagine we are prisoners in Stalog 17. I feel better just knowing other people are braking out even though I am not one of them, and just dreaming of freedom to pathetically makes my life better. And the last sentence "The more time I spend away.............", is the best argument you can make for yourself to leave. But 2 things, you have a lot of posts, so don't you feel you were getting some good out of it? And if you were not so reality driven, but switched you focus to sort of the fantasy life that you are missing, would you feel better for it? Your third paragraph,"I can't say I have a lot of friends here..."? Roch, we talk to people who we have never seen or met. We have no idea what they are like except for their words, but I think that is a lot better than the non-understanding judgmental crap that you will get talking to strangers. You have more people who care about you then you think, but maybe like with a sibling sometimes you disagree. "Focus on what in my life.........." is what everyone is trying to do by being here, or they are just wasting their time. Whatever path you decide to take, good luck my friend. Why oh why does Wingman always need to counter my points... seriously.... let it go. I needed this counter-response like I need PhineasGage's pole through my head...(look it up). I just wanted to say what was on my mind.....
What a way to go..
I don't know where my new path with take me, I am pretty lost right now. To the mountain, off a cliff, to Mars, I just don't know. I am best just being a thought in passing, a breeze at the shore, dew on a leaf.
May each of you find an inner peace, whatever path you chose.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 14, 2016 8:41:28 GMT -5
Bye Rochy  xxx |
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 14, 2016 10:50:27 GMT -5
Find your happiness. Take care.
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Post by itsjustus on Nov 14, 2016 16:52:55 GMT -5
This is a shame. While it appears that I am too late to speak directly to roch64, I do want to say what I feel he contributed to this forum, the important role I believed he played here. One of them being: Like roch649, When I first found ILIASM on EP I was extraordinarily naïve.. I was equally taken aback at the sexual life and intimacy that most others had had in the early stages of their marriages. The point that they wanted their refusing spouses to return to. It was far, far "better" than mine had ever been. Most had had more sex than I ever knew was possible. I was just shooting for more than my birthday and anniversary...if I was lucky. It literally hurt to read about theirs vs. mine. But from that point on, roch649 and I parted way's. I chose to find a way out of my SM shithole, wanting more out of life. I felt I deserved it, and I could do it. I had to do it. My friend roch649....did not. He chose to stay in his. Same starting point, different outcomes. Same starting point...... equally valid choices. Was he unhappy? He appeared to me to be. Was he depressed about his circumstance. I can't believe he wasn't. Was this unhappiness stronger than his willingness to chose to change his circumstances? Obviously not. But it was his choice. As Baz has always told us.....there are no invalid choices, only yours.
I believe another important role he played here was: roch649 was a vivid example of how horribly, horribly, difficult it is to overcome a lifetime of self-esteem issues, IMHO one of THE most important factors in a SM. The same self-esteem issues I certainly faced, and what I believe all who land here face. He saw "his truth" in those issues. His "realistic appraisal of my situation". As much as the wonderful women here tried to change his mind....as much as all the great guy's here tried to convince him otherwise...he saw it as his own truth. I can't...and won't argue with him about that. It's his truth. He chose his own truth.
His personal contribution to this forum was, he spoke about it. He had the balls to talk about it, to say...."I can't. I can't get over this. I can't change WHO I am, HOW I am." Though it seemed he wanted to so badly. For someone with such obvious self-esteem issues, like mine, he was a very strong person to speak out about it. I would say a great many people come to this forum and don't say a word, only read. People with our same self-esteem issues. He helped validate the ones who could not, cannot, or won't make the choice to change their circumstance (remembering that it IS a perfectly valid choice!) He spoke for them.
All my reading, all the growth I've gained that has made my life so very much happier now, came from seeing such a wide spectrum of people who shared the same issue of a SM. Reading things that applied directly to me, and things that didn't apply at all. People just like me, and people who are not. But even the things that didn't apply at all, opened my eyes that it existed. Picking up pieces here, rejecting pieces there...learning, growing, changing. To really get the full benefit from this forum, if there is one to be had, is to read and try to understand the thoughts and feelings of this wide spectrum of people...and learn from them. roch649 was a great example of people who arrive here and are astonished at what others are unhappy with, a matter of perspective obviously, but an important one. To me, he also personified the horrible affects of a SM and earlier life on self-esteem. Good or bad? A matter of perspective. A matter of choice. Kind of the point.....
Lastly....roch649 taught me, and reminded me of, the most valuable thing I learned from him specifically.
He was funny. He had a wonderful sense of humor. As bad as he saw his situation, as depressed as he was about his prospects of ever changing his life, as hurt as he would feel reading about others choices or past's....the dude jumped right into the humor mix that is so cool here. And took a lot of hits about his self-esteem issues, with grace, and humor. He reminded me that no matter how crappy things are around you.....life was still at it's base, fun. No matter how much it hurts.....you can still have fun.
I will miss him.
"Focus on what in my life does make me happy, and how I can improve those things that don’t, whatever that path may be."
A choice..... A good choice....
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Post by LITW on Nov 15, 2016 13:47:45 GMT -5
I hope you find peace also. We will miss you.
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Post by JMX on Nov 15, 2016 21:28:57 GMT -5
Boo @roch649. May I make a tiny joke? Disney is sincerely a terrible place. I was there last year, and while waiting an hour for a ride that my daughter wanted to ride (and was not fast enough for me), I was probably on EP. I don't tread lightly here. I am working on it, but I am sure I have been harsh a time or two to you as well - I like what unmatched said / I wanted to give you a little "push". Your feelings are valid. I understand your choice and support it. Do not think for one minute that you were the reason anyone here left. That's not on you - that is their choice. Good luck. I hope you find some joy. Sorry to see you go. |
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Post by Dan on Nov 16, 2016 15:31:13 GMT -5
@roch649: OK, looks like I'm joining the discussion after you have already deleted. But... here is my 2¢ anyways:
1) I actually very much identify with sometimes feeling down reading certain items here. In particular -- while I WHOLEHEARTEDLY SUPPORT us having the "Sexual Speaking" board here and was an avid participant for many months -- these days the sexual banter there makes me SO SAD with longing for what I don't have right now. So in the past few months: I've just had to steer clear of it!
2) I know you are sad for not ever even having some good sexual memories to draw on. I understand reading about others' memories might sting. But the metric for if you to stay should be what here makes you sad. It should be what here HELPS. Ask yourself: "is this helping you resolve your current situation: either improve the marriage or work on an exit plan". If so, stay. If not....
3) If not, don't delete your account. JUST TAKE A BREAK. After all, you may WANT to rejoin us someday. Plus: deleting your account DOESN'T keep you from being able to READ all the stuff that is here... because you can do that without an account!
So my advice is:
- don't delete your account
- DO take an extended break
- DO consider talk therapy or SOME sort of support other than ILIASM
All the best,
Dan
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And you have to do whatever makes you happy, so good luck!!! 
xxx
