Post by theghostofwinterfell on May 9, 2016 16:08:38 GMT -5
I'm in deep with14 years of marriage, not all of them sexless. 3 to 4 years of true bliss-weekly or bi-weekly sex- gradually dwindling to monthly, then bimonthly... now we are at maybe once a year of very half-hearted sex that my wife is willing to put up with--- although at our current point, she has told me she is not interested in sex at all, and doesn't quite understand why I even want sex at all. She is truly kind and caring, except when it comes to affection- no kindness or caring in that department, just a general "give me my space and leave me be, and we'll get along JUST FINE" attitude. It definitely eats me up, and most of the time I blame myself--- "of course! I'm ugly, moody, and an introvert, so why would anyone would to have sex with THAT???" But I know the answer... SHE did. At one time. I think about an exit strategy all the time, but kids, mortgage and having a joint-everything makes splitting seem like a far-away fantasy. Then again, sex is a far-away fantasy at this point, so whats the difference???
I oftentimes fantasize (not in a good way) that I will catch her cheating---THEN I could have a clean get-away with no repercussions. But, she is not a cheater. Or even a bad person really- which is what makes this all the harder. OF COURSE she always tells me she loves me and calls me "baby" or "babe"--- and it really is more of a kick in the nuts each time. I have been trying for the last 5 months to live in the moment, and take her happiness where I can get it. And to not brood or dwell (too much) on my unhappiness and depression. But the act has worn very thin, and my depression is manifesting itself all over the place. I see no reason to be mean, or ugly, or belligerent towards her, but god knows I want to scream, or cry, or stay asleep each and every day.
I'm in deep with14 years of marriage, not all of them sexless...... but god knows I want to scream, or cry, or stay asleep each and every day.
Welcome to our group and sorry you needed to find us. You might want to repost this in the "Sexless Marriage Issues" board (just click "Forum" and you'll see the list of boards). You'll be likely to get more responses since not everyone checks the "Welcome" board regularly, and I'm suspecting you could use the support. Again, welcome.
I'm so glad to be in a place where others understand. I have been reading the posts for some time now, and I guess it's time for a formal introduction. I was brokenlovespirit on EP...I mostly lurked and read a lot. I feel I connected with others through their stories, and it made me feel less alone.
I have a very long story, but to sum it up we have been married 13 years, and sexless nearly the whole time. The first year we were together we had a fairly satisfying sex life, and when our son was born, he no longer had any interest in me. I will repost and add more to my story in the regular forum. I'm happy to meet you all!
Last Edit: May 10, 2016 4:41:42 GMT -5 by lovespirit
"It's during the worst storms of your life that you will get to see the true colors of the people who say they care for you" - Unknown
I'm Elle. I've been IASM for 15+ years now. Started out every 3-4 weeks, then dwindled progressively to months between encounters. Presently, it's been 8 and I think I have now lost all desire for him. He's a drinker, but quite functional and pays the bills nicely. He is a good-enough father and I am staying until I can get my act together and get out - ETO = 2 years. I'm tired though, defeated and depressed. I deserve better and I am starting to realize that, little by little. Why can't I just be with someone who doesn't have an addiction, has some emotional intelligence, enjoys conversation and wants sex at least once a week. Is that so hard to find?? I'm not asking for the moon here.
skguy, that's a sad story. You are a good man for staying in spite. I won't give trite advice because I don't have any. Good luck. I think we shouldn't sell ourselves short though. Life's too precious. In my case, I need to be mindful that my situation doesn't cause health problems, which stress is known to do. Tough situation. No easy answers.