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Post by Dan on Mar 3, 2017 23:18:06 GMT -5
I was part of the EP group. Wish I could get back there and retrieve my posts. So much there I want to use to create my own site based on my history. At least it's all in my head, or most of it is anyway.... To get access to the old EP ILIASM group, try this link: www.experienceproject.com/groups/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/332Alas, every time you load that page, you get a random smattering of postings from the group... and you can no longer find all of a user's posts by clicking their username. If you recall a few VERY unique words in a post you are looking for, the "Search" feature MIGHT help you find something in particular. HOWEVER... I think you CAN still access your posts via their "Export My Content" feature. Do this: - Go to: www.experienceproject.com/until-we-meet-again
- Look for "How do I export my content so that I can save it?"
- Enter your email address, and click "Export My Conent"
- Wait for the email that says your export is done. (Or just come back to the same spot in a few days.)
- Return to that page, and look for the yellow "Download My Content" button.
The resulting file is mess (as far as the formatting goes)... but you should be able to salvage all the textual parts of your posts.
Good luck!
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Post by sweetplumeria on Mar 4, 2017 4:31:32 GMT -5
Hi all... I started on EP. Kept the name.
I am a 40 year old woman. Over the last 22 years of marriage i have begged, pleaded, guilted, and basically anything i could for sex and for the first 16 years of marriage. I was ready to kill myself. I was looking for support groups when I found EP. I hope people find this place as easily as some of us found EP.
It was when I stumbled upon the phrase "outsource" and a friend of mine said why dont you just get your needs met. The two conjoined in my mind and after 16 years of marriage i tried to figure out: how the hell do i get laid?
Its been a long complicated road. Many ups and downs. One caveat, my husband is older than I so there is the added wrinkle of burdening my children with their fathers old age if I divorce him.
So here i am... outsourcing for, my god has it been 6 years? Married 22.
I am struggling with some ideas, emotions, mental thoughts, drinking..... who else knows....
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2017 9:19:17 GMT -5
Hi all... I started on EP. Kept the name. I am a 40 year old woman. Over the last 22 years of marriage i have begged, pleaded, guilted, and basically anything i could for sex and for the first 16 years of marriage. I was ready to kill myself. I was looking for support groups when I found EP. I hope people find this place as easily as some of us found EP. It was when I stumbled upon the phrase "outsource" and a friend of mine said why dont you just get your needs met. The two conjoined in my mind and after 16 years of marriage i tried to figure out: how the hell do i get laid? Its been a long complicated road. Many ups and downs. One caveat, my husband is older than I so there is the added wrinkle of burdening my children with their fathers old age if I divorce him. So here i am... outsourcing for, my god has it been 6 years? Married 22. I am struggling with some ideas, emotions, mental thoughts, drinking..... who else knows.... I don't know if this will work but I am going to really stick my neck out here and encourage you to get off your drink and go for a run instead. Please, can I ask you to mull over the thought for about a minute? |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2017 18:09:40 GMT -5
Welcome Ann. I am sorry for your situation, but glad you found someone to help with the void. I hope you can eventually find a long term solution. Thank you Flash! So are you speedy? Or do you like to flash people? I know there are sites for that too  HA! I'll dig in soon to read up on everyone soon! Well I am not speedy, soooo... |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2017 18:11:26 GMT -5
Hi all... I started on EP. Kept the name. I am a 40 year old woman. Over the last 22 years of marriage i have begged, pleaded, guilted, and basically anything i could for sex and for the first 16 years of marriage. I was ready to kill myself. I was looking for support groups when I found EP. I hope people find this place as easily as some of us found EP. It was when I stumbled upon the phrase "outsource" and a friend of mine said why dont you just get your needs met. The two conjoined in my mind and after 16 years of marriage i tried to figure out: how the hell do i get laid? Its been a long complicated road. Many ups and downs. One caveat, my husband is older than I so there is the added wrinkle of burdening my children with their fathers old age if I divorce him. So here i am... outsourcing for, my god has it been 6 years? Married 22. I am struggling with some ideas, emotions, mental thoughts, drinking..... who else knows.... I understand completely. welcome! |
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Post by bridgetb007 on Mar 5, 2017 9:40:47 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I am Bridget and I am 41 years old. I have been married for two years. Prior to getting married my husband was super attentive in the bedroom so that I would please him in anyway without ever turning him down. I felt that I have found the love of my life. I have children from a previous marriage. Two boys who are out on their own and a 14 yearly who lives at home. As a family we decided we would try to have a child as my husband wanted children and his parents wanted grandchildren. Four months after we were married I became pregnant. From the moment we saw the two pink lines my husband completely stopped having sex with me. In the beginning I just chalked it up to being tired and maybe a little overwhelmed that he may hurt me or the baby. I became so depressed; being pregnant and my husband wouldn't make love to me. I felt so ugly and ashamed of myself for allowing my heart to hurt. I was 6 months pregnant when I found that my husband was watching porn on his cellphone. I was crushed. I blew up and decided I would end our marriage and leave. My husband begged me to stay and he said he would stop watching porn. He never tried to be intimate with me and again I started searching "sexless marriage" "my husband watches porn but will not have sex with me" anyway I found topics that discussed porn being a huge part of erectile dysfunction. I tried to discuss that topic with my husband and he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. I gave birth to out beautiful baby girl and now she is 14 months old. He still will not make love to me. He doesn't even look at me while I am getting dressed. Over 8 months we have had sex a few times however it's in the spooning position where we are not facing one another. Therefore no kissing. So he gets off but doesn't attempt to satisfy me. I just can't believe I am living in this marriage, it's like we are friends. I'm bitter, angry and confused. My husband says he loves me and that he thinks I'm beautiful but wants nothing to do with me sexually. He doesn't let me touch him he laughs when I do and says it tickles.
I have decided that I am going to work on creating space between us little my little and eventually getting a divorce. I have a long road ahead and I'm driving blind. I read everyone's story and I just hurt for you all. I feel when you love someone there is no effort to share your love with that person.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Mar 5, 2017 11:27:58 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I am Bridget and I am 41 years old. I have been married for two years. Prior to getting married my husband was super attentive in the bedroom so that I would please him in anyway without ever turning him down. I felt that I have found the love of my life. I have children from a previous marriage. Two boys who are out on their own and a 14 yearly who lives at home. As a family we decided we would try to have a child as my husband wanted children and his parents wanted grandchildren. Four months after we were married I became pregnant. From the moment we saw the two pink lines my husband completely stopped having sex with me. In the beginning I just chalked it up to being tired and maybe a little overwhelmed that he may hurt me or the baby. I became so depressed; being pregnant and my husband wouldn't make love to me. I felt so ugly and ashamed of myself for allowing my heart to hurt. I was 6 months pregnant when I found that my husband was watching porn on his cellphone. I was crushed. I blew up and decided I would end our marriage and leave. My husband begged me to stay and he said he would stop watching porn. He never tried to be intimate with me and again I started searching "sexless marriage" "my husband watches porn but will not have sex with me" anyway I found topics that discussed porn being a huge part of erectile dysfunction. I tried to discuss that topic with my husband and he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. I gave birth to out beautiful baby girl and now she is 14 months old. He still will not make love to me. He doesn't even look at me while I am getting dressed. Over 8 months we have had sex a few times however it's in the spooning position where we are not facing one another. Therefore no kissing. So he gets off but doesn't attempt to satisfy me. I just can't believe I am living in this marriage, it's like we are friends. I'm bitter, angry and confused. My husband says he loves me and that he thinks I'm beautiful but wants nothing to do with me sexually. He doesn't let me touch him he laughs when I do and says it tickles. I have decided that I am going to work on creating space between us little my little and eventually getting a divorce. I have a long road ahead and I'm driving blind. I read everyone's story and I just hurt for you all. I feel when you love someone there is no effort to share your love with that person. Helllooooo Bridget, Glad to have you on board.... even though it's awful you had to seek this place out. Your story is all to familiar to us here. Feel free to get involved as much or as little as you like. We're an open minded bunch, straight talking but always with understanding and compassion. Welcome  EO x |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2017 13:26:08 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I am Bridget and I am 41 years old. I have been married for two years. Prior to getting married my husband was super attentive in the bedroom so that I would please him in anyway without ever turning him down. I felt that I have found the love of my life. I have children from a previous marriage. Two boys who are out on their own and a 14 yearly who lives at home. As a family we decided we would try to have a child as my husband wanted children and his parents wanted grandchildren. Four months after we were married I became pregnant. From the moment we saw the two pink lines my husband completely stopped having sex with me. In the beginning I just chalked it up to being tired and maybe a little overwhelmed that he may hurt me or the baby. I became so depressed; being pregnant and my husband wouldn't make love to me. I felt so ugly and ashamed of myself for allowing my heart to hurt. I was 6 months pregnant when I found that my husband was watching porn on his cellphone. I was crushed. I blew up and decided I would end our marriage and leave. My husband begged me to stay and he said he would stop watching porn. He never tried to be intimate with me and again I started searching "sexless marriage" "my husband watches porn but will not have sex with me" anyway I found topics that discussed porn being a huge part of erectile dysfunction. I tried to discuss that topic with my husband and he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. I gave birth to out beautiful baby girl and now she is 14 months old. He still will not make love to me. He doesn't even look at me while I am getting dressed. Over 8 months we have had sex a few times however it's in the spooning position where we are not facing one another. Therefore no kissing. So he gets off but doesn't attempt to satisfy me. I just can't believe I am living in this marriage, it's like we are friends. I'm bitter, angry and confused. My husband says he loves me and that he thinks I'm beautiful but wants nothing to do with me sexually. He doesn't let me touch him he laughs when I do and says it tickles. I have decided that I am going to work on creating space between us little my little and eventually getting a divorce. I have a long road ahead and I'm driving blind. I read everyone's story and I just hurt for you all. I feel when you love someone there is no effort to share your love with that person. I am so sorry for your situation. Welcome and I am sure he will find you fit in very well here. |
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Post by dinnaken on Mar 5, 2017 14:08:38 GMT -5
Hi Bridgetb007,
I'm sorry to hear your story but you don't have to drive completely blind; whatever you choose to do, for you for you and your family, there is plenty of support, advice and guidance to be had here.
Best wishes and a virtual hug
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Post by leifericson on Mar 5, 2017 15:50:41 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I am Bridget and I am 41 years old. I have been married for two years. Prior to getting married my husband was super attentive in the bedroom so that I would please him in anyway without ever turning him down. I felt that I have found the love of my life. I have children from a previous marriage. Two boys who are out on their own and a 14 yearly who lives at home. As a family we decided we would try to have a child as my husband wanted children and his parents wanted grandchildren. Four months after we were married I became pregnant. From the moment we saw the two pink lines my husband completely stopped having sex with me. In the beginning I just chalked it up to being tired and maybe a little overwhelmed that he may hurt me or the baby. I became so depressed; being pregnant and my husband wouldn't make love to me. I felt so ugly and ashamed of myself for allowing my heart to hurt. I was 6 months pregnant when I found that my husband was watching porn on his cellphone. I was crushed. I blew up and decided I would end our marriage and leave. My husband begged me to stay and he said he would stop watching porn. He never tried to be intimate with me and again I started searching "sexless marriage" "my husband watches porn but will not have sex with me" anyway I found topics that discussed porn being a huge part of erectile dysfunction. I tried to discuss that topic with my husband and he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. I gave birth to out beautiful baby girl and now she is 14 months old. He still will not make love to me. He doesn't even look at me while I am getting dressed. Over 8 months we have had sex a few times however it's in the spooning position where we are not facing one another. Therefore no kissing. So he gets off but doesn't attempt to satisfy me. I just can't believe I am living in this marriage, it's like we are friends. I'm bitter, angry and confused. My husband says he loves me and that he thinks I'm beautiful but wants nothing to do with me sexually. He doesn't let me touch him he laughs when I do and says it tickles. I have decided that I am going to work on creating space between us little my little and eventually getting a divorce. I have a long road ahead and I'm driving blind. I read everyone's story and I just hurt for you all. I feel when you love someone there is no effort to share your love with that person. Bridgit, no doubt you will get lots of advice here. Just realize, everyone is coming from a different place with a different agenda. Welcome to the club no one wants to be in. Your husband;s behavior sounds bizarre. He was doing a bait and switch. Lots of sex to get you pregnant and then when he felt he had you trapped he cut you off. What the hell was he thinking and what can he possibly be getting out of this. Sounds like you are on the way to becoming a counter-refuser and sinking into the shithole of SM. Porn is not necessarily a contributor to ED and it doesn't sound like he has ED. He is getting off to porn. You have to ask yourself, why does he prefer porn to you and will it ever change? Next step is marriage or individual counseling. |
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Post by baza on Mar 5, 2017 16:46:46 GMT -5
bridgetb007 Your idea to - "work on creating space between us little my little and eventually getting a divorce" - seems very sensible. Seeing a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you would be a good starting point. Putting together an exit strategy and knocking it into do-able shape would be another good move. So would shoring up your support network to help you through such an event. With such a plan in your pocket, it becomes a matter of timing, and YOU run that clock, completely at your discretion. Meantime, your spouse might choose to attempt to address the wheels in his head, or he might not. That's his responsibility and a matter you have no control over, so at this point he is a sidebar to the situation. Most likely, it is going to be down to you to drive this to a resolution, so a solid plan to achieve that is advisable. It would not be advisable to rely on your spouse to play much of a part in the resolution process given his form so far.
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Post by csl on Mar 5, 2017 17:12:17 GMT -5
Counseling over his Madonna complex a possibility?
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Post by bridgetb007 on Mar 5, 2017 19:39:44 GMT -5
bridgetb007 Your idea to - "work on creating space between us little my little and eventually getting a divorce" - seems very sensible. Seeing a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you would be a good starting point. Putting together an exit strategy and knocking it into do-able shape would be another good move. So would shoring up your support network to help you through such an event. With such a plan in your pocket, it becomes a matter of timing, and YOU run that clock, completely at your discretion. Meantime, your spouse might choose to attempt to address the wheels in his head, or he might not. That's his responsibility and a matter you have no control over, so at this point he is a sidebar to the situation. Most likely, it is going to be down to you to drive this to a resolution, so a solid plan to achieve that is advisable. It would not be advisable to rely on your spouse to play much of a part in the resolution process given his form so far. Thank you for your advice. I need all the advice I can get. I will search out a local attorney. |
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 10, 2017 22:50:52 GMT -5
Good day all... Before I introduce myself, I just wanted to say thank you to you all. Reading your posts over the past month has made me feel some hope, and no longer alone, even though this is my first post. I used be outgoing, had lots of friends, played sports on many teams, and enjoyed a healthy and fit life. I moved to a different city for work and my circle of friends and activities stayed behind. I met my wife in 2000 in this new place. I didn't know anyone and she made me feel like I wasn't so suddenly alone. Standard relationship story, everything is great at the start, we had a lots of fun and our sex life was great. Fast forward 5 years, after our daughter was born, SM for 2 years from there. We slowly increased that 0% chance of intimacy to actual sexual activity (if you could call it that)... most frequent was about once every 3 or 4 months for the next few years. Always being declined, I can so relate to other's posts in the forums. Routines took the life over and the past 7 years have been 0% intimacy. YIKES!! I started to gain weight, lost interest in keeping myself up, fell into a bit of a depression, and buried my attention in work. About a year ago she had, first time ever (probably not at the very beginning, but can't recall another time), tried to initiate sex. It just didn't feel right, so I declined. I just don't look at her the same way any longer.
Was that wrong? Did I avert a "reset"? I don't know.
Fast forward again, to today... I've never been more frustrated. My wife is an introvert, and looking back the social circle of my life never did expand and just stayed stagnant. So I've been on my own thinking about how to resolve this, with no one to "talk" to about it all. I'm getting my 'notes' straight on how to talk to her about all of this and the progression of our marriage to where it is today. I've "enabled" the situation to be where it is due to my own lack of understanding of the ramifications of watching the water come into the boat and not getting to the bailer before the boat was starting to sink.
Reading the posts on this forum makes me realize a lot, and feel like I'm no longer alone. So again, thanks to all of you for putting yourselves out there, sharing your stories, your thoughts, and the humour is always great.
Good day. My name is JPN and ILIASM. |
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Post by baza on Mar 10, 2017 23:13:20 GMT -5
Posts get lost real easy in this thread Brother jpn. Might be an idea to copy and paste it into the sexless marriage thread as a stand alone story. Anyway, it seems that you are gearing up for "the talk" so I will confine my remarks to that aspect, and offer the following guidelines. #1 - Don't say anything (that is ANYTHING) that you are not prepared to back up with action. Your credibility is about the best tool in your kit. Don't shred it. #2 - Let as much emotional air out of the balloon as you can, stick to the facts. #3 - Run the clock on it. If there are benchmarks you want to achieve, then there has to be a cut off date. And, this is only partly to do with your missus, it is mainly for YOU, to keep yourself accountable. |
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HA! I'll dig in soon to read up on everyone soon!
