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Post by heatherb on Apr 28, 2017 16:22:19 GMT -5
Hi, everyone....I'm a 37 year old wife and mother. My marriage is classified under the 10 acts or less in a year. This is weird to even talk about but I thought it might help. Sex has become less and less. It typically occurs once every 6 weeks, sometimes longer. I used to initiate 100% of the time and it became harder on me. My self esteem was just shot. So now I just don't try. So by 6 weeks when I'm going crazy is when I finally convince him to have sex. He used to say if I just initiated then we could do it once a week but then he started rejecting me. And I started to feel like, I was doing everything and he was just laying there. It made me feel worse. Now he just doesn't even want to. I feel so unattractive. I haven't gained any weight and I take care of myself. I don't understand. He just says he thinks he's asexual. But I've woken up to him masturbating many times. I've asked him why he doesn't use that sudden spark in libido and wake me up but he says he doesn't want to bother me. What? I want you to bother me. Please. I'm at my wits end. We've been married 17 years. I'm still arrracted to him but he's admitted that he's not really sexually attracted to me, but he try's to soften the blow by saying he's not attracted to anyone. It feels hopeless. I don't know that I can let it stay like this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2017 17:40:03 GMT -5
Hi, everyone....I'm a 37 year old wife and mother. My marriage is classified under the 10 acts or less in a year. This is weird to even talk about but I thought it might help. Sex has become less and less. It typically occurs once every 6 weeks, sometimes longer. I used to initiate 100% of the time and it became harder on me. My self esteem was just shot. So now I just don't try. So by 6 weeks when I'm going crazy is when I finally convince him to have sex. He used to say if I just initiated then we could do it once a week but then he started rejecting me. And I started to feel like, I was doing everything and he was just laying there. It made me feel worse. Now he just doesn't even want to. I feel so unattractive. I haven't gained any weight and I take care of myself. I don't understand. He just says he thinks he's asexual. But I've woken up to him masturbating many times. I've asked him why he doesn't use that sudden spark in libido and wake me up but he says he doesn't want to bother me. What? I want you to bother me. Please. I'm at my wits end. We've been married 17 years. I'm still arrracted to him but he's admitted that he's not really sexually attracted to me, but he try's to soften the blow by saying he's not attracted to anyone. It feels hopeless. I don't know that I can let it stay like this. Welcome Heather. You are among friends. The more you read, the more you will learn. A link to my blog is below if you are interested. |
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Post by orangepeel on Apr 28, 2017 17:41:23 GMT -5
Welcome to the place where we share your consternation. You want an answer - of course you do - and we (I certainly) can't give one: but we know at the very least that the question's valid.
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Post by JMX on Apr 28, 2017 22:36:15 GMT -5
Hi, everyone....I'm a 37 year old wife and mother. My marriage is classified under the 10 acts or less in a year. This is weird to even talk about but I thought it might help. Sex has become less and less. It typically occurs once every 6 weeks, sometimes longer. I used to initiate 100% of the time and it became harder on me. My self esteem was just shot. So now I just don't try. So by 6 weeks when I'm going crazy is when I finally convince him to have sex. He used to say if I just initiated then we could do it once a week but then he started rejecting me. And I started to feel like, I was doing everything and he was just laying there. It made me feel worse. Now he just doesn't even want to. I feel so unattractive. I haven't gained any weight and I take care of myself. I don't understand. He just says he thinks he's asexual. But I've woken up to him masturbating many times. I've asked him why he doesn't use that sudden spark in libido and wake me up but he says he doesn't want to bother me. What? I want you to bother me. Please. I'm at my wits end. We've been married 17 years. I'm still arrracted to him but he's admitted that he's not really sexually attracted to me, but he try's to soften the blow by saying he's not attracted to anyone. It feels hopeless. I don't know that I can let it stay like this. Feel you sister. Please repost in SM issues. You'll get more support! |
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fgb
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Post by fgb on Apr 30, 2017 13:44:59 GMT -5
Hello. I am 42 and have been married for 7 years and have 2 beautiful children. I'm not sugar coating it when I saw I have a very happy marriage except for being almost sexless. We are only intimate every 6-8 weeks. We go long stretches of absolutely no physical contact except for kisses goodbye befrwo work and kisses before bed. My husband is my best friend and I have no desire to leave him or have an affair, so much please no replies encouraging that. We are both good looking, in relatively good shape, employed, happy, healthy and active. Our kids take up a lot of energy and we're too tired to give each other the attention we need. I can't remember the lingo, but I am definitely the refused and he is the refuser - if I were still asking. Last night, we have our 12th or 13th "Talk" about it and he, as usual, was mostly silent. He completely shuts down. I have given ultimatums about counseling for him or for the two of us together but nothing has come of it. He was raised Mormon, and left the church a long time ago (the only one in his family to leave the church) and I have my theories of how his upbringing messed with his sexual identity. I also think that his very first sexual experience was a date rape - he passed out at a part UBS d woke up to an older, more aggressive women next to him. I know he feels shame about this and I am compassionate toward his experience, but I also want him to move past it. That's a tough one, I know...
I am feeling desperate. I feel angry, resentful and sad. I never meant to give up a big part of my identity. Before meeting him, I was sexually active, secure, happy, felt good and happy about my body and my sexuality.... I have, very luckily, not had any sexual trauma or issues. I come from a family that is open and loving, very clear and open about sex, very affectionate and not shameful or full of stigma. Basically the opposite of his childhood and young adulthood experience. I was a dancer and an actor, I practice yoga, I used to feel connected to my body and want to be a sexual being again.
I don't want our relationship to affect our children. I don't this l they get it yet - they are 5 and 2. We are both loving and affectionate with them and they are happy, well adjusted kids.
My H and I never fight and we barely ever even disagree. We get along extremely well, but the physical passion is almost non existent.
There's more - but I don't have it in me to write more. I'm feeling pretty depressed today. I'm glad I found this forum because I have never shared this with anyone. Thanks for reading.
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fgb
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Post by fgb on Apr 30, 2017 13:47:23 GMT -5
Lots of typos - sorry! I'm writing on my phone...
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 30, 2017 14:01:10 GMT -5
No one cares about typos! (that comes across as childish) WE are glad your(see my mistake? I am not going to correct it) here, and feel your stress at the same time! It's a very confusing predicament, isn't it?
Before going much further I would suggest you re-post your story under "Sexless Marriage Issues". You will get a much larger response, and support. Sundays can be a little slow. Mon morning has a bigger turn out. The more responses you give, (even if they are short) the more questions, you will receive, and helpful, caring, advice you will receive. Sort of what you are looking for from your husband. A give and receive situation.
Good luck on your newly discovered journey!
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fgb
Junior Member
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Post by fgb on Apr 30, 2017 14:42:46 GMT -5
Thank you. How do I repost this post? I've never been on a forum before and I'm confused by ththe format.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 30, 2017 15:15:48 GMT -5
Thank you. How do I repost this post? I've never been on a forum before and I'm confused by ththe format. Looks like you already figured it out! Well done! See ... you deserve to be praised!! (I am always asking my teens how to do stuff like that) |
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Post by bballgirl on May 2, 2017 14:41:18 GMT -5
Hi, everyone....I'm a 37 year old wife and mother. My marriage is classified under the 10 acts or less in a year. This is weird to even talk about but I thought it might help. Sex has become less and less. It typically occurs once every 6 weeks, sometimes longer. I used to initiate 100% of the time and it became harder on me. My self esteem was just shot. So now I just don't try. So by 6 weeks when I'm going crazy is when I finally convince him to have sex. He used to say if I just initiated then we could do it once a week but then he started rejecting me. And I started to feel like, I was doing everything and he was just laying there. It made me feel worse. Now he just doesn't even want to. I feel so unattractive. I haven't gained any weight and I take care of myself. I don't understand. He just says he thinks he's asexual. But I've woken up to him masturbating many times. I've asked him why he doesn't use that sudden spark in libido and wake me up but he says he doesn't want to bother me. What? I want you to bother me. Please. I'm at my wits end. We've been married 17 years. I'm still arrracted to him but he's admitted that he's not really sexually attracted to me, but he try's to soften the blow by saying he's not attracted to anyone. It feels hopeless. I don't know that I can let it stay like this. I'm so sorry you are here. At least your H is somewhat honest as far as him saying he's asexual and not attracted to anyone. I'm not sure I believe that though. With refusers typically they are hiding something at least the male refusers - it could be porn, an affair, a closet gay, or they just aren't attracted to their wife. Sexuality is a personal thing and with refusers it doesn't get better as they age. I got out after 23 years. I was celibate the last 13 but I had young kids and I was stuck. Figure out what you want for yourself. |
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