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Post by takestwototango on Sept 24, 2017 12:34:06 GMT -5
Hi all - been lurking around the site for a few days and decided I might as well join! It's inevitable anyways! I have only been married a little over a year. I should have seen the signs after our wedding night, but I was too stupid to, I guess. I know I'm "new," to this sm thing, but it is hell. I don't know how some people do this for years. I just can't see myself doing this for much longer. The H says he is willing to get tested for t levels, so at least he's willing to try something at this point. So, that appt is being made tomorrow, by me! Only time will tell. Wish me luck!! Welcome!! First, if your H gets his T tested, be sure you get the actual numbers. The normal range is 400 to 1000 for ALL men. The first time mine was tested, it was 416 and I was told it was normal. It was normal for an 80 year old man. Two years later, I went to a doctor who uses biodentical hormones. Mine was 187 or so. I am on testosterone pellets and I feel much better. This site may tell you if there is a doctor in your area. www.biotemedical.comThanks for the info, John! |
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Post by takestwototango on Sept 26, 2017 13:28:44 GMT -5
Hi all - been lurking around the site for a few days and decided I might as well join! It's inevitable anyways! I have only been married a little over a year. I should have seen the signs after our wedding night, but I was too stupid to, I guess. I know I'm "new," to this sm thing, but it is hell. I don't know how some people do this for years. I just can't see myself doing this for much longer. The H says he is willing to get tested for t levels, so at least he's willing to try something at this point. So, that appt is being made tomorrow, by me! Only time will tell. Wish me luck!! Welcome to the club no one wants to be a member of. Unfortunately, you have company here, there are a few woman that have been in a similar position as you. When you feel like it, please make a separate thread with your story. Where exactly to I create that thread? There are so on the site! |
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 26, 2017 13:30:10 GMT -5
Welcome to the club no one wants to be a member of. Unfortunately, you have company here, there are a few woman that have been in a similar position as you. When you feel like it, please make a separate thread with your story. Where exactly to I create that thread? There are so on the site! Most so it under the SM issues section |
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Post by saarinista on Sept 27, 2017 4:18:10 GMT -5
Hello, folks. well, I guess it's time to reveal myself, so to speak . Apparently I'm in a sexless marriage also as DH and I have had sex maybe 5 times in the last 8 years? And none of the times were fun at all for me, and only marginally so for him. I haven't had a orgasm in his presence in meh-probably 10 years.
We've been together for some 20 years, and at first we did have quite a bit of sex. It wasn't the best, but it was sex. But as time passed, a number of painful experiences befell us in our careers (job losses) and families (death of a child from his first marriage; all of our parents died). All we did was work. I think we probably are fairly incompatible and never should have gotten married, but he asked and he is a decent, good man, so we got married.
Anyway, I pretty much had given up on having a sex life going forward because he just has no interest, and I didn't have much interest either because I've been depressed about everything. Then things got worse after the election. We were politically alike when we met, but about the time I lost my job, he changed. It wasn't so bad though until you-know-who took office in January. Respectfully to any Trump supporters, I am really worried about America right now. However, DH thinks everything's great, and berates me for my opinions. That's not okay. I don't do that to him, though it's difficult to hold my tongue. In any event, we have to walk on eggshells when talking, so we don't talk much. This is not good for our relationship.
Then in the process of Tweeting my feelings about politics because I can't talk with my husband, I accidentally, stupidly fell into an online emotional affair. This person and I never met or even talked, but texted one another copiously, and I developed strong romantic feelings for this person, which were seemingly reciprocal. My world has been shaken to the core. I guess I am still capable of having loving, sexy feelings and vaginal lubrication after all! Just not with my husband. 😔
The online affair is not going anywhere, but now that I know I can feel something for a man, I don't want to live in a sexless, dead marriage anymore. But I don't want to hurt my husband by leaving, and moving is such a, hassle. However, I also don't think our marriage is fixable.
Anyway, not sure how this will shake out. I don't want to be alone but there's no guarantee I'd find anyone else at my age (I'm 57, though pretty well preserved but I don't have great self confidence) and that's scary. But when I think of never making love or being in love again, that's so sad I can hardly bear it. Fuck.
Ergo, here I am.
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Post by h on Sept 27, 2017 5:23:11 GMT -5
Welcome saarinista to the club nobody wants to be a member of. Sorry you have the need to be here but glad you found us. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2017 9:53:58 GMT -5
welcome saarinista. It is a tough situation to be in. But I know what you mean. For years, I thought I was ugly & unattractive, but since I left my refuser, I have found that I am quite a bit more attractive than I thought I was. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2017 9:55:18 GMT -5
I'm sure you're right again. Hobsons choice situation from my perspective though, and presently this is the lesser of two evils in my judgement. At the moment anyway. My friend, I see you are starting to show the signs of a change. If you have a chance, take a look at some early posts by shamwow. You may see someone who also had some hesitance about moving on. |
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Post by LITW on Sept 27, 2017 11:12:10 GMT -5
Welcome saarinista. I think you will find many folks here who share your experiences. Nothing can make a SM easier, but hopefully we can make it more bearable for everyone who hasn't left.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2017 11:53:23 GMT -5
saarinista, you sound a bit like me in some respects. Welcome to the group. It does help!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 27, 2017 16:05:01 GMT -5
welcome saarinista . It is a tough situation to be in. But I know what you mean. For years, I thought I was ugly & unattractive, but since I left my refuser, I have found that I am quite a bit more attractive than I thought I was. Flash, you are one hot hottie of hotness. I adored the pic of you and your Kimmie. So much happiness and love. Sigh. Xxx |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2017 16:22:56 GMT -5
Flash, you are one hot hottie of hotness. I adored the pic of you and your Kimmie. So much happiness and love. Sigh. Xxx Thank you very much EO. I really do appreciate the compliment. I do think I am looking a bit younger these days. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 27, 2017 16:25:43 GMT -5
Flash, you are one hot hottie of hotness. I adored the pic of you and your Kimmie. So much happiness and love. Sigh. Xxx Thank you very much EO. I really do appreciate the compliment. I do think I am looking a bit younger these days. Meh. Age is neither here or there. It's all in the eyes and the smile and you have it  x |
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Post by mescaline on Sept 28, 2017 2:44:12 GMT -5
I'm sure you're right again. Hobsons choice situation from my perspective though, and presently this is the lesser of two evils in my judgement. At the moment anyway. My friend, I see you are starting to show the signs of a change. If you have a chance, take a look at some early posts by shamwow . You may see someone who also had some hesitance about moving on. Thanks flashjohn, there's a fair amount to wade through. Yet a journey of a thousand miles starts with a few small steps... |
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Post by saarinista on Sept 28, 2017 23:11:54 GMT -5
Many thanks to those who welcomed me. sigh. it feels good to be able to talk about this problem I/we seem to be having. if only I could get my husband to talk about it more. it's so difficult to start those conversations,though! and in the back of my mind I wonder: is there any point to talking? is it all going to be futile? how much longer do I keep trying to make this work? how will my husband and I get along alone if we end up divorced? And how do I make the right decisions about what to do? When do you finally give up on an unfulfilling marriage?
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Post by baza on Sept 29, 2017 3:38:43 GMT -5
Sister saarinista . Q1 - is there any point to talking? A1 - If you have something to back up what you say, then yes, there can be value to be gained out of talking. The golden rule is - don't say anything you do not mean and do not threaten anything you are not prepared to do. Q2 - is it all going to be futile? A2 - the overwhelming evidence in this group is that yes, it probably is going to be futile. Q3 - how much longer do I keep trying to make this work? A3 - very much a` personal choice. For me it was 30 years. I would not recommend that length of time to anyone else. Q4 - how will my husband and I get along alone if we end up divorced? A4 - depends on what sort of bloke he is. If he is a dickhead now, chances` are he still will be after. Q5 - And how do I make the right decisions about what to do? A5 - you gather as much information as you can (start with a divorce lawyer in your jurisdiction) so you are making your choices on a fully informed a basis as possible.
Q6 - When do you finally give up on an unfulfilling marriage? A6 - this is really Q3 again. It's really your call. |
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