|
|
Post by pheonix25 on May 20, 2018 0:09:54 GMT -5
Y'all I honestly just feel so alone. We are at a complete standstill! Today he finally said out loud that he thinks there is no problem! That 5 minutes of sex, once every 3 months, ALWAYS initiated by me is enough and not only that he thinks it's normal!!! I don't k ow how much longer I can hang in there.... I love this man but I feel like I am DYING.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on May 20, 2018 1:45:26 GMT -5
You said you had a plan in place on 12 Oct 2017 to get out in April 2018 Sister pheonix25 . What happened ? |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on May 20, 2018 1:53:52 GMT -5
pheonix25, welcome back, reluctantly... I'll open with the simple idea that we can love many people, but that doesn't automatically make them compatible as a romantic partner. Consider whether you can separate the two concepts, and then whether you're expecting something that he can't be.
|
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on May 20, 2018 1:54:45 GMT -5
Y'all I honestly just feel so alone. We are at a complete standstill! Today he finally said out loud that he thinks there is no problem! That 5 minutes of sex, once every 3 months, ALWAYS initiated by me is enough and not only that he thinks it's normal!!! I don't k ow how much longer I can hang in there.... I love this man but I feel like I am DYING. He has told you what his boundary is for his sex life with you. You can accept that or you can get out. He will not change. He has called your bluff on the April 9 deadline. You may love him but are you in love with him? Do you think he is in love with you? |
|
|
|
Post by h on May 20, 2018 6:44:03 GMT -5
It sounds like he told you his true feelings about sex. Believe him. He won't change. He is who he is. He made that perfectly clear. Believe him. You can either accept him as he is, or decide that it's not enough. You can't change him if he sees no problem with himself.
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on May 20, 2018 7:24:58 GMT -5
I would say to him:
"I need sex at least once a week, what is your solution to my problem?"
Just to feel him out - maybe he will offer you an open marriage, it's not likely though but I'd throw that out there.
To be honest - 5 minutes of sex? He sounds lousy in bed. Why would you want sex with someone that is awful in bed?
Can you love him for other things he provides for you and then seek the sex, passion, intimacy with someone else that can meet your needs?
|
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on May 20, 2018 9:55:13 GMT -5
When a person tells you who they are, believe them.
If he thinks this level of intimacy is “normal” and it’s killing your soul, I would leave.
My Ex knew that our celibacy wasn’t normal. I think he believed that since there was a medical reason, that excused everything- but it didn’t. It was killing my soul to be in a marriage that, in addition to being sexless, had become so damn loveless. And so I left.
Hoping you find the backbone to execute your exit plan. Interested in knowing how that has fleshed out, or not.
Believe his actions AND his words, now that he’s even telling you out loud how he believes this is what normal is.
|
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on May 21, 2018 23:53:16 GMT -5
Hi Phoenix, I get the "It's normal" thing too. It's a pointless argument as I think for them, they do consider it normal. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with that either. They just need to be with someone else who is happy with that normality.
Most of us here at ILIASM wouldn't fit that mould...
|
|
nicky
Junior Member
Posts: 36
|
Post by nicky on Jul 11, 2018 2:16:11 GMT -5
don't get used to his normal. being denied will slowly become your normal and the only reality you know.
|
|
