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Post by Handy on Sept 22, 2018 17:14:14 GMT -5
Greatcoastal, maybe most of those older women that wink or want you to communicate with them are fakes from scammers. Like you say, women looking for sugar daddies is a problem.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 22, 2018 19:07:37 GMT -5
Greatcoastal, maybe most of those older women that wink or want you to communicate with them are fakes from scammers. Like you say, women looking for sugar daddies is a problem. Yes that can be true as well. I did learn from others and my own mistake about bots, and programmed answers to questions, sent by some employee in Indonesia getting paid .80 cents n hour. Sights that are 100% fake, no real people. Even when you ask lots of questions and get pictures sent, there's still the doubt. ( is this a man sending me womans pictures? Are these pics from 10 yrs ago? etc....) I am not the one to answer ,the ways of proving that or figuring that out. That is one advantage of meeting someone ,say in a meetup group.
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 22, 2018 19:40:25 GMT -5
I answered non-standard and asked odd questions in response. A chatbot can follow "how are you-fine, and you?" Conversations. They have a harder time when you respond with "I'm not unwell, thank you. What are you looking for?"
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Post by Handy on Sept 22, 2018 22:33:43 GMT -5
I knew a lady that was on Match at one time. I asked her about the dating process and did she meet anyone interesting. She said she hadn't paid for her in over 2 years and hasn't check her inbox on match.
My son around age 38 used E-Harmony for 6 months. All he got were replies from women 600 miles away, and they had requests that were difficult to match.
I suppose only replying to people you could easily meet in person (under 50 mile radius)is a way to weed out women you wouldn't have a good long term match with.
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Post by pheonix25 on Sept 28, 2018 0:42:08 GMT -5
I'm currently in a stage where I'm very open to outsourcing.... I'm necessarily looking but if it happens, I wont resist.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 28, 2018 7:10:08 GMT -5
“I answered her question and told her more about myself. I told her that i looked forward to a fun evening, and that I am not one of these "experienced men". ( that's a term a lot of them use.Another double standard and contradiction. They want to have a long term relationship with a guy who is "experienced"?)”
I suspect that the women who say they want an “experienced” man are expressing their desire to not be with a 50-year old virgin who has spent his life jacking off to porn. Nor do they want a horny 22 -year -old who has been too busy with studies to date. Understandably, the women aren’t looking to teach someone how to relate to women or how to make love. The women don’t want to be with a man who can’t carry their end of a conversation or make eye contact. They wouldn’t want to be with a man whose idea of lovemaking is what the man saw in porn: a delighted looking woman getting the man off while he does nothing to pleasure her.
Except for the rare person here who has never had sex at all, all here are experienced with romance and sex and should present themselves that way even if you’ve had only one partner and sex is a distant memory. Unsure of your skills? Brush up by reading some good books or advice columns about sexual technique and romance.
If I were internet romance -seeking and a man described himself as not experienced I’d move on. I’d assume he was socially awkward and a sexual novice. I would not inquire further. I would not risk hurting his feelings or igniting his anger by explaining. He would have described himself as a different type of man than I want so he would have removed himself from my consideration.
Are there men here who would want to date now a woman who said she is inexperienced? If you would, why would you consider such a woman dating/affair worthy for you at this time in your life? After all, I don’t think anyone here is in their teens or early twenties.
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Post by Handy on Sept 28, 2018 21:53:45 GMT -5
Inexperienced and rigid in her beliefs is one thing (not good). OTH not all that experienced but wanting to expand his/her knowledge sounds workable for me.
I worked too much and wasn't that adventurous because I wasn't much of a risk taker. I played the good dependable H and I was also dumb when it came to many things, but since using the Internet my outlook and position on several things have changed. I still don't push people out of their comfort zone. I still want a win-win relationship.
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Post by Handy on Sept 28, 2018 22:52:50 GMT -5
I haven't out sourced but I thought about it many times. Logically it doesn't sound like it would ever happen if past history is an indication of future events. I do try to befriend women close to my age. I never tried it with younger women.
I only dated a few girls when i was young and only did some hand holding. At the time I was supporting myself and my mother so there wasn't much $$ for dating back when the guy was expected to pay for everything. I also worked 6 days a week and didn't have much and what I had was old and sort of on the wrong side of the tracks. With one job I worked 60 hrs a week and had to be extra thrifty to make ends meet.
With my W, she was the aggressor and we had sex a few times before marriage. The next woman I have sex with will be #2, if it happens. It isn't that I am not interested, it is more about not wanting to appear pushy because most of my life I have heard guys get too handsy too soon and want sex too soon.
So, I sign on to a relationship forum and find that women want more physical activities than I ever believed was possible. I might have missed the boat.
Is this too inexperienced? Is me being totally safe a starting place because I hear women want and need safety before several other things happen?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2018 4:31:38 GMT -5
With my W, she was the aggressor and we had sex a few times before marriage. The next woman I have sex with will be #2, if it happens. It isn't that I am not interested, it is more about not wanting to appear pushy because most of my life I have heard guys get too handsy too soon and want sex too soon. So, I sign on to a relationship forum and find that women want more physical activities than I ever believed was possible. I might have missed the boat. Is this too inexperienced? Is me being totally safe a starting place because I hear women want and need safety before several other things happen? It is not too inexperienced. If you are a nice guy, care about the woman's pleasure and are willing to learn how each woman's needs are different, and find someone who appreciates those attributes, you will do just fine!
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Post by Handy on Sept 30, 2018 17:30:42 GMT -5
shynjdude, I think you are mostly correct.
One affair forum I was reading, the experienced affair women said they would be reluctant to take on a guy if he never had an affair before because too many new-bees men were guilt-kings, a term used on the affair forum to describe people that felt at one times affairs were wrong but they put their toe in the affair pool. Some women said guilt-kings were reluctant to get kinky or let loose so the sex was never intense like they experienced with guys that had several previous affairs and the sex with guys that had previous affairs was more exciting. Women can also be guilt-queens, there but not all that into the affair because of feeling guilty they are having an affair.
Yes, would want to satisfy a partner and work towards that goal. I know women differ quite a bit, so there is no "one size fits all" in my mind.
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Post by time4intimacy on Sept 30, 2018 17:36:22 GMT -5
I think in that situation I would be like, if I am going to do this, I am going to make it count and make it good. I would be like, finally a time to be kinky, have fun sex and just enjoy. I don't see me being a guilt-king.
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Post by Apocrypha on Oct 9, 2018 20:06:32 GMT -5
I outsourced eventually, though I did not cheat. In the end, it came back to a similar result - but delayed.
In my post-separation, I was the third-party to a dear lover and friend who was outsourcing, and it was lovely for a long time. And then some milestones passed, and I realized that the outsourcing wasn't moving her forward either. As such, I wasn't being the best friend I could be anymore. We let it go fallow.
In both scenarios, the outsourcing shined a spotlight on something missing, but without changing the rotten foundation. It's a close call, but with hindsight, I'd rather have fixed my basic problem than spun my wheels.
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Post by casual777 on Oct 16, 2018 17:20:14 GMT -5
I do regret that I crossed a line there is no coming back from, that my genuine remorse does not translate into ever being able to come clean, and worrying that I had gotten and passed on an STI. Some of the encounters were probably life savers and others plain greedy and narcissistic
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Post by surfergirl on Oct 16, 2018 18:58:09 GMT -5
pheonix25I found a lot of good matches on Ashley Madison. The ratio is in our favor (real women vs. men). You will have your pick. I almost regret getting divorced. Much better selection on Ashley Madison. The guys on regular sites are generally: scumbags, men who will never commit, or men who were discarded for a REASON.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2018 21:29:03 GMT -5
I outsourced emotionally, not sexually. I had two emotional affairs and do not regret either one. Both of those relationships were deep friendships as well as romantic interests that built my self-esteem tremendously and helped me find the courage to leave a narcissistic alcoholic. The first relationship has lasted over 2 years, and may endure forever. We have a deep and transcendent friendship. The second one utterly broke my heart, but that was his own naivete, I believe. He's just too afraid to leave his marriage. I also had a deep connection with him, but he hurt me badly at a time when I was extremely vulnerable, and it's hard to look past that. I don't think he'll ever be strong enough to leave. Weak men need not apply to my world. It will take a very powerful and righteous man to catch me and hold onto me next time around. That man is out there though - I can feel him.
I almost regret getting divorced. And this... is just heartbreaking, SG. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. As a rule, I don't like to say never, but I cannot imagine ever feeling this way. Now that I am divorced, I finally have my dignity back. I am finally honoring myself by not allowing my ex to neglect me the way he did for 2 decades. Even if I wind up without another romantic partner, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am better off alone. I am already thriving and shining much more brightly than I ever did in marriage. My marriage was oppressive and destructive. The only regret I have is not leaving sooner.
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