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Post by shamwow on May 16, 2020 8:59:16 GMT -5
I have a question related to this topic. I want to find a website, a book to read, or a group to join, "what it's like to have a high labido partner?". Why do you need such a forum, book, etc.? What do you hope to learn?
Has your dear woman expressed any kind of dissatisfaction or disappointment with you? If you are worried that she might be less than satisfied, TALK to her about it!!!
ironhamster might have some tips on how to increase stamina and be more of a sex god. And shamwow has some experience with (apparently) a high libido woman.
Viagra works well (in my experience) but only lasts for a few hours. Cialis lasts much longer and can be taken daily, so you can be ready for action anytime. Both drugs are cheap these days, less than $20/month using discount coupons from goodrx.com.
There's no law that says you have to cum every time you have sex. And if you are getting exhausted from being a human pile driver, consider slowing down - or ask her to do more of the work. I actually prefer slow, leisurely sex with lots of cuddling, and avoid having orgasms for myself. I talk more about that in one of my early posts.
As for where to find a forum, you could try asking your questions on quora.com.
During Hurricane Katrina, I volunteered at the convention center to help with refugees from New Orleans. During my time there, I saw numerous people hoarding the single serving bags of potato chips that were being given out. There were plenty of chips to go around, but for someone who had been stuck on their roof for several days, there was a (real) fear of having nothing to eat. In time, these folks felt secure enough to just take one bag of chips at a time and not hoard. Coming out of an SM is a bit like that. For both ballofconfusion and I, we had been stuck on our respective roofs for decades. Now that we have rescued each other and are together, we have an unlimited supply of chips at our disposal. How is that working out? Well, we both like to eat potato chips pretty much daily. About half the time, we snack two or more times per day. But sometimes? We might skip a day. It isn't because we no longer like chips, but it's because we are no longer scared that the chips will be taken away. That in itself is security. On balance, I'd say BOC's appetite for chips is bit more than mine. But that does not mean she is going hungry. Even if I'm not hungry at the moment, there are other things I can, uh, snack on that will fill her up. I think we are settling into the pattern baza described. Paraphrasing, "when we want to root, we root". It feels so damn good after all those decades of being stuck on the roof to know I won't be going hungry again.
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Post by mirrororchid on May 18, 2020 6:04:53 GMT -5
Thanks for your response and sharing! 1)What do I hope to learn? Basically how to cope with MY part in this. The communication, verbally and physically. This is all new ground for me! 2) Has my woman expressed dissatisfaction, or disappointment? No. In fact She lets me know that no other man has taken her anywhere CLOSE to the levels of sex and intimacy, like I have! I'm the one who gets paranoid when I have to do the 'rejecting'. I guess I am highly aware and sensitive about filling my partners needs. Perhaps I need some ..reassurance that my level of want and need is acceptable to a woman with a high labido? ... 3) I used Goodrx and was quite pleased! The 2 to 3 hrs of Sildenafil is plenty! ... 4) There's no law that says you have to cum every time you have sex. I/we agree! However...she fortunately DOES, everytime... again, just new ground for me to deal with, after decades of a SM. My woman does respectfully and lovingly tell me " I'll save you for later today or tomorrow". Me: sometimes ALL that oral leads to a bit of pain, later in the day. WE've discussed this. She's gotten much better at it. Darn it... it's me having to worry about being the one to say "no"? Perhaps I needed some reassurance that my problem is just a concern, and things work themselves out? Especially with ALL the other POSITIVE aspects that involve a relationship Topical Nitroglycerine paste will be my first option if ever I have difficulty attaining ready status: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2493100I mention it because I figure it could be useful taking one less medication as we grow older. I think I recall hearing it acts faster than oral drugs too. In the event you find you cannot keep up with her, it'd be a shame to waste her gift to humankind. Maybe invite a friend to pinch hit? Many a woman would be horrified at broaching the subject, but a lady as zesty as yours? It might be rocket fuel. That bridge to cross when you come to it may yet be miles and miles away though. Here's hoping. Your compersion for her going without lent itself to citing the option.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 28, 2020 16:57:41 GMT -5
Thanks for your response and sharing! 1)What do I hope to learn? Basically how to cope with MY part in this. The communication, verbally and physically. This is all new ground for me! 2) Has my woman expressed dissatisfaction, or disappointment? No. In fact She lets me know that no other man has taken her anywhere CLOSE to the levels of sex and intimacy, like I have! I'm the one who gets paranoid when I have to do the 'rejecting'. I guess I am highly aware and sensitive about filling my partners needs. Perhaps I need some ..reassurance that my level of want and need is acceptable to a woman with a high labido? ... 3) I used Goodrx and was quite pleased! The 2 to 3 hrs of Sildenafil is plenty! ... 4) There's no law that says you have to cum every time you have sex. I/we agree! However...she fortunately DOES, everytime... again, just new ground for me to deal with, after decades of a SM. My woman does respectfully and lovingly tell me " I'll save you for later today or tomorrow". Me: sometimes ALL that oral leads to a bit of pain, later in the day. WE've discussed this. She's gotten much better at it. Darn it... it's me having to worry about being the one to say "no"? Perhaps I needed some reassurance that my problem is just a concern, and things work themselves out? Especially with ALL the other POSITIVE aspects that involve a relationship Topical Nitroglycerine paste will be my first option if ever I have difficulty attaining ready status: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2493100I mention it because I figure it could be useful taking one less medication as we grow older. I think I recall hearing it acts faster than oral drugs too. In the event you find you cannot keep up with her, it'd be a shame to waste her gift to humankind. Maybe invite a friend to pinch hit? Many a woman would be horrified at broaching the subject, but a lady as zesty as yours? It might be rocket fuel. That bridge to cross when you come to it may yet be miles and miles away though. Here's hoping. Your compersion for her going without lent itself to citing the option. I have lightly mentioned a "friend to pinch hit?", possibly another couple? I was told " No, I don't want anyone else. I don't even touch myself, I want you to do that. I don't use any 'toys' on myself, I only like it when you do it". However...there have been times when I get her to hold the Magic Wand, while my hands and 'body parts' are busy pleasing her!
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Post by greatcoastal on May 28, 2020 17:02:33 GMT -5
greatcoastal - In answer to your question about receiving validation being a stress reliever. My answer is - not really- Validation makes me feel good about myself and my partner. The endorphins released during sex and orgasm give me a natural high followed almost immediately by bone deep contentment. Stress Relief is a by-product of all those things. When a man is asked why he likes sex so much and his first response is because it relaxes him and relieves stress, I would probably think he’s crazy too. It certainly wouldn’t be my first answer. I also wanted to address another comment you made about only 10% of women enjoying sex. I think the number is larger than that. Women have a hard time identifying and communicating what they want. I think there is a group of women who would genuinely enjoy sex if they could better understand their sexuality. Have you read the book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski? If not, it might be worth your while. I learned a lot about myself reading this book. Hi sadkat , I just read this and wanted to share it with you. I liked the part about "A Safe Harbour". It goes back to understanding the meaning/feeling of 'relaxing'. My own woman says to me, almost every night " Come to momma bear". She wants me close to her, hugs, etc... I asked my woman " where did you learn that?" She shared with me, " I learned that from my mom. She would say that to us kids and to her husband. Mom said it means come close to me ,lets hug each other." This sounds like part of " A safe harbour". Thanks again for your feedback! medium.com/hello-love/the-one-thing-men-want-more-than-sex-98a801833e39I just read this and wanted to share it as well. intimacyinmarriage.com/2018/01/21/he-falls-asleep-after-sex-take-it-as-a-compliment/I must add that the time of day that I make love has a lot to do with, what we do after making love. My partner has asked me " if you wake up in the middle of the night, and I am asleep I love it when you touch me, and do that magic with your hand!" I'm normally, barely, half awake, and find myself ready for more sleep due to the relaxed satisfied feeling I get from pleasing her!
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Post by csl on May 28, 2020 19:39:14 GMT -5
Ah, Julie Sibert. One of my favorite Go-to bloggers. She writes great stuff.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 31, 2020 20:38:24 GMT -5
Ah, Julie Sibert. One of my favorite Go-to bloggers. She writes great stuff. I am thoroughly enjoying much of her writings! 1) Much of it re-enforces my decision to end and leave my toxic marriage. Her words about the false believe ,past episodes,and false teachings that "the church" (not what the Bible teaches) can /are very damaging to the sex/intimacy part of a marriage. Hence, more justification for divorce. A controlling spouse who uses Christianity as a false weopon to further their control through of a one way street paved with double standards. Including sex/intimacy in the marriage. Reminds me of that old saying " I want a man who is strong, and can take the lead...BUT HE BETTER DO WHAT I TELL HIM TOO!" 2) Her writings are helpful in understanding how to find the answers to "you think you know how much sex you want?" (Hard work, communication, and practice, practice, with a willing partner!) 3) A big can of worms, that I want to find some peace with, is my own distrust with the legal aspect of being married again. And the mental aspect, the false hope, and the fear of 'control' that could ,again reapear in a marriage. Compared with living together, and knowing that we could still part and still lead a fullfilling life. That neither of us are codependant.
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Post by csl on May 31, 2020 20:44:50 GMT -5
Ah, Julie Sibert. One of my favorite Go-to bloggers. She writes great stuff. I am thoroughly enjoying much of her writings! 1) ... Reminds me of that old saying " I want a man who is strong, and can take the lead...BUT HE BETTER DO WHAT I TELL HIM TOO!" Someone should write about that. Oh, wait... someone did!
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Post by Handy on Jun 1, 2020 3:17:11 GMT -5
CSL " I want a man who is strong, and can take the lead...BUT HE BETTER DO WHAT I TELL HIM TOO!"This is so true in my case!
Also the idea of "lead but don't get anything wrong" or "lead but the results better be what I like" comes to mind.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 26, 2020 18:23:33 GMT -5
I like this video- I agree that it has some very useful information. I’ve wondered a lot about how frequently I would desire sex. I’ve been sexless for so long that I honestly don’t know. For me, sex is very different from masterbating. Masterbating just takes the edge off whereas sex is so much more. I crave the affection and intimacy that comes with sex. In my mind, even if I wasn’t in the mood at the time but we started being affectionate with one another, I’m pretty sure that would get me in the mood pretty quickly. And I’m always in the mood to be affectionate! I do agree that sometimes we women should be willing to “just do it”. It’s like exercise- there are days I just don’t feel like exercising but I “just do it” and am always happy I did after the fact. Also- If I were lucky enough to find a partner who would take the time to learn what it takes to turn me on, I don’t think he’d have a hard time getting me in the mood for sex. So that just leaves me with the question of what if I want sex more frequently than my partner? That’s a scary thought given my current situation. Timing is an issue, you are right. There are times when I might be involved with something and not want to take the time right then. But, asking for a rain check and keeping that commitment would be important in my book. And the bottom line for me- because of my current situation- if I’m fortunate to have a long term sexual partner in the future- I simply won’t refuse him unless something completely drastic happens (like a deathly illness). I found this article today, and wanted to pass it along,here on this thread. medium.com/sexography/what-it-means-when-a-woman-says-she-has-a-high-sex-drive-9aa3f9b901cb
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 3, 2020 7:46:25 GMT -5
The good news is, we can let ourselves off the hook from feeling overwhelmed with the expectations of our culture or our partners. There is no normal. Whatever a woman’s sex drive might be is normal — for her. And that’s all that matters.
I can imagine a refuser reading that line and quoting it forever after. I beg to differ So does just about everyone who shows up here. The description of needing energy to spend on feeling vulnerable was a poser. I don't know what that means, but I'm mulling it fiercely. This may be what many women refer to as "the mood". What is this energy? Is there a way to feed it? Is it linked to diet? Stress? A new partner? An established one? (the author refers to distraction by tasks she's driven to accomplish before there's room to entertain the idea of sex) Which factors apply? How important is each? No doubt there are wide differences but when we chalk it up to "the mysteries of female sexuality", it doesn't promote understanding. Then again, such understanding may not be of much interest to those who have very little "energy". Some find analysis would ruin that mystery, and they like it. It's "romantic". Not understanding why you can get "swept away" can have its appeal, no doubt. I'd be intrigued if women could ask themselves what type of erotic activity they are in the mood for like this woman does, and specifically ask. So much sexual incompatibility becomes stressful because of unfulfilled expectations. Therapists will often recommend erotic time that prohibits sex so as to remove the pressure to do just that. What would it be like for refusers to think deeply about erotic time that would be pleasant and ask for "naked cuddle time", a makeout session, a groin massage, or thorax stroking with the clear demarcation that it should go no further? Would being able to pick only one's favorites from the menu for a length of time bring about interest in providing a refused partner with an invitation to dine at their preferred restaurant some of the time? If refusers got intimacy they liked, would they be inclined to look out for their partner's appetites once their own were sated? This conversation would likely be impossible in many SMs. She speaks of spending the sexual/creative energy carefully. I hear some haughty people who speak of "channeling" that energy towards non-sexual things (that they imply are superior uses of that time). That seems alien to me. Refused partners have an excess of that energy. That seems to describe the problem. An unwillingness to spend that energy on sex. If you have to measure and count out each erg, does that still mean you have a high libido? This woman does sound as though she does have a lot of energy at least some of the time, spends what she feels is a fair amount on actual sex, and is remarkably, admirably self aware. Given the subjectivity, though, I could see people with low libidos being delusional about how high their libido actually is; the Woody Allen all the time/almost never observation coming to mind.
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Post by jerri on Dec 4, 2020 4:28:50 GMT -5
Just hilarious! H used to ask me, ok, then how often do you want to get sex? I would say idk, average. He would say, every couple of months? Once a month? No, where did you you get those numbers? More like once a week is more reasonable. He would sweetly say, ok, and it would just not happen.
When my mentor had me put together my profile. He said to suggest meeting once a week, at least. One man wanted once a month, he said,no, drop him. One man owned a winery and wanted me to travel with him every several months to visit other wineries. He said, no! I thought, yikes! Then he told me to drop a couple of pen pals. That's when FWB came along. He said, I can see you two to three times a week. I didn't realize I was so hungry, that more was was pure fun! Then we agreed to slow it down later. But I had gone over a decade without any sex. I wasn't sure how much I would remember.
So I like it varied. Now, it's really slow with covid. At least for now.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 7, 2020 16:30:48 GMT -5
I have a question related to this topic. I want to find a website, a book to read, or a group to join, "what it's like to have a high labido partner?". I never expected to have 'such a problem', (and it's really not much of a problem) that my woman wants to have sex all the time! ( 5 times a day, Morning, noon, evening, night, 2:00am ) One woman, who's video I posted on here, calls such women a "juicy tomato, the top 10%" those who can have an orgasm in seconds. My woman is like that. Like one long ,continues flowing river, that can last for hours! She says "you have magic hands" There's also our toys. Me? I'm having to take Viagra. My sperm tank can only be filled/emptied once a day (sometimes twice). My erection (without Viagra) does not last with her on top of me, oral lasts, and she doesn't mind, but when I do take Viagra I get to give her EVERYTHING for 2 hrs, and then again later in the day. I normally ask her to "let me wait (not cum) for 2 days, so I can fill my tank". Very often I give my woman a passionate kiss. A short, passing in the kitchen, a long tight body squeeze. My way of telling her "later today, their will be more!" My mind is usually set on "the chore of the day". However she responds with ,getting extremely turned on, and instantly 'ready' telling me "drop your pants, lets go, I want more". It's a weird feeling to be the 'rejector' and to ask "can it wait?" My mind needs more time to 'be ready'. So where can I read about such things on line? I found this article today about a woman whom was mislead to feel shame for her high labido,and having multiple orgasms. It very much reminded me of my own woman,and what a total 180 it is from my past SM. I actually related to the thoughts of guilt and embarrassment for finally wanting sex again-daily! I can imagine that many others on this site have gone through the same thing? I posted this here because I feel it relates to the original thread : you think you know how much sex you want? medium.com/the-pillow-talk-press/good-girls-dont-orgasm-like-that-745b3d16ac2b
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 10, 2021 1:19:59 GMT -5
I have a question related to this topic. I want to find a website, a book to read, or a group to join, "what it's like to have a high labido partner?". I never expected to have 'such a problem', (and it's really not much of a problem) that my woman wants to have sex all the time! ( 5 times a day, Morning, noon, evening, night, 2:00am ) One woman, who's video I posted on here, calls such women a "juicy tomato, the top 10%" those who can have an orgasm in seconds. My woman is like that. Like one long ,continues flowing river, that can last for hours! She says "you have magic hands" There's also our toys. Me? I'm having to take Viagra. My sperm tank can only be filled/emptied once a day (sometimes twice). My erection (without Viagra) does not last with her on top of me, oral lasts, and she doesn't mind, but when I do take Viagra I get to give her EVERYTHING for 2 hrs, and then again later in the day. I normally ask her to "let me wait (not cum) for 2 days, so I can fill my tank". Very often I give my woman a passionate kiss. A short, passing in the kitchen, a long tight body squeeze. My way of telling her "later today, their will be more!" My mind is usually set on "the chore of the day". However she responds with ,getting extremely turned on, and instantly 'ready' telling me "drop your pants, lets go, I want more". It's a weird feeling to be the 'rejector' and to ask "can it wait?" My mind needs more time to 'be ready'. So where can I read about such things on line? I found this article today about a woman whom was mislead to feel shame for her high labido,and having multiple orgasms. It very much reminded me of my own woman,and what a total 180 it is from my past SM. I actually related to the thoughts of guilt and embarrassment for finally wanting sex again-daily! I can imagine that many others on this site have gone through the same thing? I posted this here because I feel it relates to the original thread : you think you know how much sex you want? medium.com/the-pillow-talk-press/good-girls-dont-orgasm-like-that-745b3d16ac2bShaming is an important part of a refuser's arsenal. To make you feel so awkward about asking for sex that you would rather just handle your own business than to dare to try your luck, that's the key for a refuser. When you get to the point that you feel ashamed to even say the word "sex"? That's the ticket for them.
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Post by Handy on Jan 26, 2021 13:18:03 GMT -5
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