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Post by GoldenBubble on Jun 2, 2019 10:16:23 GMT -5
Glad to have found this forum. Hubby and I take turns being the refuser. I don't know what to do to change things.
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Post by saarinista on Jun 3, 2019 0:30:20 GMT -5
Welcome. Tell us more when you're ready if you want suggestions and comfort.
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Post by cheesecake on Jun 5, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
Welcome. I'm puzzled as to just how that works. Look forward to learning more, when you're ready :-)
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Post by 2019change on Jun 5, 2019 9:51:23 GMT -5
If you take turns in being the refuser then it sounds like you both use sex as tool to get/manipulate/control/punish the other. 50/50 responsibility. If one of you would step up and be the bigger person and say I will no longer be a refuser then the other is the one taking on 100% of the responsibility. I am sure many times when you fight about it the other will use "You do it too" as an argument. You gotta start by cleaning up your side of the street.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 6, 2019 12:35:31 GMT -5
Go to couples counseling and look at why your arguments spiral the way they do. You will find out that both sides are at fault and are responsible for causing the escalation.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 6, 2019 17:01:03 GMT -5
Glad to have found this forum. Hubby and I take turns being the refuser. I don't know what to do to change things. You may not be a " refuser", instead you may be an " avoider". Several of us 'swept it under the rug, pretended it would get better with time, blamed ourselves,-our attractiveness,- caved, gave in, and convinced ourselves that we could do without it, and questioned the importance of it". Later realizing that things will not get better and that you can not take a band aid approach to a gunshot wound. Please feel free to share an example or two and receive more feedback and helpful thoughts and advice.
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