When you're in it, you can't see it.

As an addition, my personal view is that you should not feel sorry for them. Abuse, manipulation and cruelty is a choice. So I disagree with the authors statement.

As in Ennas 'nice refuser' post of yesteryear. If we were with and overt sociopath we wouldn't stick around, it's simply too abusive and identifiable. I think they walk the tightrope of abuse vs nice in order to slowly lower our standards and we tolerate increasing emotional abuse over time.

I must admit, now I've been out a few years I can see clearly how this works.

I would urge people standing on the edge of the stay/leave cliff to consider jumping. It's nice in opposite land.