Post by jon on Jan 5, 2022 10:13:00 GMT -5
Hello, I just came across this site and joined.
I'm hitting bottom emotionally as of late with respect to my SM, so I'm looking for new avenues of support. I'm 51, my W is 10 yrs younger & an immigrant from a Latin American country (I'm American). We've been married for 11 years. I'd say by the "10 or less" definition, we've had a SM for the 7 years with "0" for the last few years.
I have been the driver of trying to create change around this in the relationship, though she has been willing to go along. We briefly went to two of the very few certified sex therapists in my area. One turned out to be disorganized & biased against me. She couldn't get the insurance thing together on her end & told my wife she should divorce me (my wife was the one who pointed out that this woman was sympathetic to her but not me). The next one suddenly decided she didn't want to see us & that we should each get individual support. My W was at the time seeing a therapist. I have since, though in the larger context of anxiety & other issues I've endured, some of it rooted in the SM, some of it not. It's worth saying that as I descended into anxiety that gave my wife more reasons why she felt she was not drawn to having sex with me. Recently we started seeing a regular marriage counselor, as there aren't any other sex therapists close by & we don't really trust them after our 2 experiences.
To add a layer onto all of this, a couple years ago I developed peyronie's disease (basically a condition where scar tissue develops in the penis--can be due to injuries, rough sex, etc.--and it affects the erection....google it for more). I underwent some treatments that have helped improve the condition (as there is no "cure"). My urologist basically said he can't help me anymore until I know if I can perform sexually, and I can't really test things out in a SM, but I know it's not going to be smooth & easy.
We don't have kids--just a house and dogs--so there isn't that feeling of "what about the kids?" weighing over us if we decide to end things. I have been trying to work through my immense reservoir of anger & resentment that has built up, but it's challenging because it's not like it's just an issue "in the past". It's ongoing. And it feels oppressive. And I'm not getting any younger.
So, just looking to learn from others experiences here.
Nice to meet you all,
Jon
I'm hitting bottom emotionally as of late with respect to my SM, so I'm looking for new avenues of support. I'm 51, my W is 10 yrs younger & an immigrant from a Latin American country (I'm American). We've been married for 11 years. I'd say by the "10 or less" definition, we've had a SM for the 7 years with "0" for the last few years.
I have been the driver of trying to create change around this in the relationship, though she has been willing to go along. We briefly went to two of the very few certified sex therapists in my area. One turned out to be disorganized & biased against me. She couldn't get the insurance thing together on her end & told my wife she should divorce me (my wife was the one who pointed out that this woman was sympathetic to her but not me). The next one suddenly decided she didn't want to see us & that we should each get individual support. My W was at the time seeing a therapist. I have since, though in the larger context of anxiety & other issues I've endured, some of it rooted in the SM, some of it not. It's worth saying that as I descended into anxiety that gave my wife more reasons why she felt she was not drawn to having sex with me. Recently we started seeing a regular marriage counselor, as there aren't any other sex therapists close by & we don't really trust them after our 2 experiences.
To add a layer onto all of this, a couple years ago I developed peyronie's disease (basically a condition where scar tissue develops in the penis--can be due to injuries, rough sex, etc.--and it affects the erection....google it for more). I underwent some treatments that have helped improve the condition (as there is no "cure"). My urologist basically said he can't help me anymore until I know if I can perform sexually, and I can't really test things out in a SM, but I know it's not going to be smooth & easy.
We don't have kids--just a house and dogs--so there isn't that feeling of "what about the kids?" weighing over us if we decide to end things. I have been trying to work through my immense reservoir of anger & resentment that has built up, but it's challenging because it's not like it's just an issue "in the past". It's ongoing. And it feels oppressive. And I'm not getting any younger.
So, just looking to learn from others experiences here.
Nice to meet you all,
Jon