Thought about this movie today for some reason. Ha - Maybe because it's cold out and it's boring inside and I can think of something that's warming, engaging, and fun. But I digress.
One major thread in the movie is the couple's crumbling marriage and their lack of intimacy. His response is to have an affair. What was amazing to me was his openness. The scene where he tells he he's leaving for a day or two (the details escape me) and his intent is to sleep with the other woman that he's met. I found that scene just amazing. I just cannot imagine saying those words. BTW - he also tells her he still loves her.
I seem to remember the husband stating "I might as well be living with my sister" and her response "most older couples live that way".
What amazed me even further was that after the movie not a word about it was spoken in my house. From her or from me.
Last Edit: Feb 23, 2022 18:56:26 GMT -5 by steve1968
Post by lightbeam3076 on Mar 20, 2022 14:24:37 GMT -5
It is a remarkable thing when people i. know what they need ii. ask for it, plain and simple. If marriage is a meeting of 'needs' between two parties, then stating what your needs are upfront, calmly and starting the negotiation of how and by when they will be met and by whom, is awesome. There's nowhere left for anyone to hide at that point. But it takes some great communication skills to be done in a way that doesn't leave scars. That's where having ongoing therapy can come in handy. What greatcoastal says about openness also holds true. You can get strung along for a long time by a person who promises they'll do something, change, fix it, care etc but then go into 'ostrich head in the sand' mode when you remind them. I will check out the film thanks!
Post by ironhamster on Mar 29, 2022 7:51:18 GMT -5
I never saw it, but it doesn't surprise me one bit that a refuser would avoid the topic of another couple with a sex avoidance issue.
My last year married, we had some friends getting divorced, and I pointed out the frigidity issue the wife had, as well another couple that had divorced in part over the husband's lack of sexual interest. At this point, I was already trying the pressure method of jump starting our sex drive, and did want to push the issue. My ex was offended at me for insinuating a lack of sex was the cause, but was able to put two and two together that her frigidity would be the end of our marriage too if things didn't change. At the time, though, I was still of the belief that things could change. I think she knew better, which was why it was such a taboo subject to her.
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 29, 2022 8:47:23 GMT -5
My now X reacted differently in discussions we had about her constant refusing. "Why can't you be like the other husbands" she asked. Ours was not the only relationship in our circle of friends where there was little to no intimacy. "They don't keep badgering their wives for sex all the time. They're willing to go without it" she stated. My reply was simply, "I'm not". My SM didn't go on for long compared to many here. Probably a little more than a year or so, it's hard to remember. It is something of a solace to me that 6 yrs. after our divorce 3 of the other refusing women are now without husbands or partners. The group as a whole is now pretty much in line with the national average of around a 50% divorce rate. I think it was right around this time that I was informed "Sex was all I thought about". This was news to me.
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onempty: Dry Creek, you are absolutely spot on with all this advice. Separate bank accounts a good idea IMO but might be harder to achieve and could cause other problems if there is a huge disparity in income.
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