scooter2u
New Member
Married 32 years and down to sex once monthly, at best
Posts: 3
Age Range: 66-70
|
Post by scooter2u on Apr 18, 2022 16:36:14 GMT -5
I have been married for 32 years to the love of my life. Over the years we had some want sex/don't want sex cycles but we always got to a mutually agreeable frequency of sex.
Three years ago my wife announced that she just didn't want sex any more. I was very surprised because she is 10 years younger than me. Obviously this was a big issue with me because I wasn't ready for a sexless marriage. She complained that my regularly asking for sex put a lot of pressure on her and she asked that I stop. We now are down to once a month, at best.
My wife has always been conscious of her weight. When we married she was 5'6" tall and weighed 140 pounds. Over the years she has made it up to 200 pounds. I am forbidden from ever mentioning her weight.
Five months ago I was diagnosed with a degenerative lung disease. The prognosis is that I have 1 to 3 years left before I simply suffocate. I have accepted my fate without self pity or depression. We have had several discussions about what she will do after I'm gone. To my surprise she asked me if I thought that it would be acceptable for her to have sex once she is single. I wondered "why then and not now"? I told her that she needed to do what makes her happy and that relationships with men was normal.
Now, she is dieting and has lost 15 pounds in 45 days. She is starting simple exercises. When we last had sex she deep throated me for the first time. When I asked her why she, for the first time, was attempting to deep throat me she said that it's about time she learned how.
We have jointly talked with her doctor and he had no solution. I suggested counseling but that fell on deaf ears.
Divorce isn't worth the drama considering my remaining lifespan. I do still love her intently.
I have found that acceptance is the only solution to a sexless marriage.
UPDATE:
Several contributors have suggested "out sourcing" to gain some sexual contact. I asked my wife what she thought of the idea and she said that she would be fully accepting of my taking on a sex partner. She went on to say that if I touched another person, I would never be allowed to touch her ever again.
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on Apr 18, 2022 17:20:09 GMT -5
Hi scooter2u, I am very sorry to read of your prognosis and sorry to read about your wife's attitude. Three years ago my wife announced that she just didn't want sex any more. ... She complained that my regularly asking for sex put a lot of pressure on her and she asked that I stop.
...I am forbidden from ever mentioning her weight. It seems sexlessness is just one of your problems. She is calling all of the shots. And she still continues to call the shots. I agree that in your case divorce is not worth the drama. But you will continue to have drama even in your marriage. From your brief writeup your wife sounds if she is only focused on herself. You appear to be just part of the landscape. Since drama is part of your life why not just live your life as you chose? Ask her for sex if you feel like it. Go to counseling without her. Meet friends without her. Do what pleases you in the time you have left. And if her making plans to have sex after you are gone bothers you, tell her about it without ambiguity or accusation. If she feels guilty - tough. Your feelings are just as important as hers.
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Apr 18, 2022 18:12:19 GMT -5
...Three years ago my wife announced that she just didn't want sex any more. ...complained that my regularly asking for sex put a lot of pressure on her and she asked that I stop. We now are down to once a month, at best.
... When we married she was 5'6" tall and weighed 140 pounds. Over the years she has made it up to 200 pounds.
...I have 1 to 3 years left before I simply suffocate. ...she asked me if I thought that it would be acceptable for her to have sex once she is single. ... I told her that she needed to do what makes her happy and that relationships with men was normal.
Now, she is dieting and has lost 15 pounds in 45 days. ...When we last had sex she deep throated me for the first time. ...she said that it's about time she learned how.
Sounds like she's preparing for being single. She also might not be waiting. Still may not be worth the drama, but I'm connecting possibly non existent dots here. Just don't want ya blind-sided if my imagination isn't overactive.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Apr 20, 2022 12:40:56 GMT -5
scooter2u, I don't know your specifics, but I know one woman that's been fighting cancer on and off for over two decades and has beat the estimates of time to her demise many times. I hope you can beat the odds, also. You need to be comfortable with your choices. I don't think I could just go about life, given how I see your wife behave. I might not divorce, as that takes money, time, and effort, but I'd be damned sure to enjoy what remained of my life and to leave her as little inheritance as possible, which is still more than she deserves. I know that sounds harsh. Love has a way of twisting our view of the world to make things more comfortable. I've been there, loving a wife that in retrospect I do not believe ever loved me. I suspect you could love her with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength, and she still won't love you back.
|
|
|
Post by catlover on Apr 20, 2022 13:26:50 GMT -5
I am in a somewhat similar situation, except in my case it is my wife that is terminally ill (she has also beaten the odds considerably; she was told she had about 18 months to go about 7 years back). She also said about that time that sex is no longer on the table (or anywhere else LOL). Yes, acceptance of the sexless situation is the only option I really have, unless I want to drive myself nuts and live with constant resentment. Acceptance is not easy, I am still struggling with it. Coupled with my drug-resistant depression makes it extra difficult as I have little motivation to 'get out there'. Just seems like way too much effort to do much about it. I have been the FWB route as well as the pay-for-play option. Neither seems particularly attractive enough right now so the only option is to grin and bear it and make use of Mrs Palmer and her five daughters. Not exactly a reasonable substitute though.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Apr 21, 2022 23:05:09 GMT -5
Are you facing marital issues and relationship breakup. Worry no more Dr XXXXX has the solutions to your problems. For personal and private readings Kindly contact him on email XXXXXXXXX@XXXXX.com or Whatsapp +XXXXXXXXXXXX. WTF?! Lol. Just, no.
|
|
|
Post by heelots on Apr 24, 2022 23:32:23 GMT -5
I have been married for 32 years to the love of my life. Over the years we had some want sex/don't want sex cycles but we always got to a mutually agreeable frequency of sex.
Three years ago my wife announced that she just didn't want sex any more. I was very surprised because she is 10 years younger than me. Obviously this was a big issue with me because I wasn't ready for a sexless marriage. She complained that my regularly asking for sex put a lot of pressure on her and she asked that I stop. We now are down to once a month, at best.
My wife has always been conscious of her weight. When we married she was 5'6" tall and weighed 140 pounds. Over the years she has made it up to 200 pounds. I am forbidden from ever mentioning her weight.
Five months ago I was diagnosed with a degenerative lung disease. The prognosis is that I have 1 to 3 years left before I simply suffocate. I have accepted my fate without self pity or depression. We have had several discussions about what she will do after I'm gone. To my surprise she asked me if I thought that it would be acceptable for her to have sex once she is single. I wondered "why then and not now"? I told her that she needed to do what makes her happy and that relationships with men was normal.
Now, she is dieting and has lost 15 pounds in 45 days. She is starting simple exercises. When we last had sex she deep throated me for the first time. When I asked her why she, for the first time, was attempting to deep throat me she said that it's about time she learned how.
We have jointly talked with her doctor and he had no solution. I suggested counseling but that fell on deaf ears.
Divorce isn't worth the drama considering my remaining lifespan. I do still love her intently.
I have found that acceptance is the only solution to a sexless marriage. I could be wrong, but I don't think your Mrs is going to wait for you to check out before sampling the local cuisine. I think you already know that though. Given your short timeline, if sex is absolutely off the table as you say I would either divorce her and enjoy what time I had left, or tell her you are outsourcing and taking your pleasures where you wish with the time you have left. It is clear you better take your pleasures when and where you can because your wife has little interest in helping you enjoy the time you have left. You just do not have the time remaining to waste on someone that cares so little for you. Put blunt, this is just a matter of practicality.
|
|
|
Post by theexplorer on Apr 28, 2022 12:55:44 GMT -5
First off, sorry to hear about your situation. Marriage can cause tons of heart ache...
Like the others have suggested, I'd guess she is either already outsourcing or is seriously considering / preparing to do so.
You may want to take steps to protect your finances, as she may choose to divorce you. You will presumably need money for medical care, so keep that in mind.
You can call her the love of your life. If she is behaving this badly, I would question if you are the love of her life!
Edit: I do not know the age of scooter2u's wife, but since they have been married for 32 years, she may be early 50's. I have observed that many couples experience problems in their later 40's to early 50's. There are a number of changes that frequently occur during this time period. Children leave home. Menopause or Andropause, etc. During this timeframe, many people question whether they are happy with their lives. Do they want to continue living as they have been living. How do they want to live their remaining years. Sometimes people will make significant or even drastic changes during this period of their lives.
Mrs. Scooter2u could be experiencing a drop in libido due to menopause which would lead to less frequent sex. With the other behavior that Mr. Scooter2u mentioned I doubt that is the real issue. (Her wanting to learn new sex skills, losing weight, etc.) Since this started 3 years ago, it's my guess that she wants a new man.
There is another possible explanation for Mrs. Scooter2u's behavior after Mr. Scooter2u's diagnosis. It could be that she is worried about being a single woman. She could be wondering if she is still attractive to other men. She is probably less attractive now than she was 32 years ago. (Advancing age rarely makes people more attractive!) Perhaps she feels that she has less to offer a man now. (She is presumably to old to have children.) It may be hard for her to talk about such potentially deep seated fears. If she can be persuaded to open up and talk about such matters, it might be good.
One final point. It seems like there are quite a few people that are mid 40's to mid 50's on this website. I suspect quite a few of us have been considering how we want to live the remaining years of our life.
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on Apr 28, 2022 14:48:38 GMT -5
You can call her the love of your life. If she is behaving this badly, I would question if you are the love of her life! Something to ponder.
|
|