grower
Junior Member
Posts: 79 
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Post by grower on May 9, 2022 8:25:59 GMT -5
In my continuing attempt to understand my wife I have come to the
conclusion that she has Borderline Personality Disorder and in
her case Petulant. Doesn't improve my situation, but does give
me some strength, especially to stand up and support my son.
Has anyone else dealt with this?
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Post by cagedadventurer on May 9, 2022 13:25:12 GMT -5
Good day. Can you elaborate as to her inaction as well as actions that lead you to this conclusion?
I see similar with my W, but seems to derive from low self confidence and few accomplishments compared to her peers.
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Post by baza on May 9, 2022 21:36:12 GMT -5
In my deal, I was of the opinion that BPD was in play, but it was never diagnosed as such, nor was it ruled out as being in place either.
Whatever it was, it was.
And whatever it was drove the marriage into the ditch, whatever "label" it was given.
Any which way you looked at it, the result was the same - a big fuck up - whatever name you gave it.
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Post by cagedadventurer on May 9, 2022 22:34:43 GMT -5
A sign of BPD?
I do enjoy conversations and interacting with others. I feel I understand what a "normal" person sounds like and behaves. Yet somehow my W is this live-in anomaly where it is just opposite land from all my other experiences. Yet I am always an oppressor or just a jerk, and pervert if sex were of interest.
In my experience we never can just have a normal conversation with ideas, thoughts, followed by an outcome or conclusion; rather a need to be right, an original idea-ist, doubt raiser but never an informed rational meeting of the minds. I do see BPD as these traits are revealed regardless of the other party, (e.g. arguing with my 12 year old whether the ice cream container was 3/5ths full or maybe 2/3rd's). I observe that kind of nonsense and realize...something is not right. Yet I had been the one trying to change to please for 3 decades.
As you say Baza, it's a sh#*show regardless and no fixing it.
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Post by mirrororchid on May 11, 2022 6:29:28 GMT -5
In my continuing attempt to understand my wife I have come to the conclusion that she has Borderline Personality Disorder and in her case Petulant. Doesn't improve my situation, but does give me some strength, especially to stand up and support my son. Has anyone else dealt with this? Yes, but it was my (deceased) daughter. Self-diagnosed, maybe officially as well. It fit. So your wife has splitting (black and white lightswitch thinking) and whipsaw attachment/rejection? Favorite people she abandons due to perceived betrayal? Mistakes taken as slights? |
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Post by cagedadventurer on May 11, 2022 22:24:35 GMT -5
So your wife has splitting (black and white lightswitch thinking) and whipsaw attachment/rejection?
Favorite people she abandons due to perceived betrayal?
Mistakes taken as slights?
[/quote]
YES
YES
YES, including her younger sister
YES, everything is a slight and an attack on her value as a person, then she stands on a platform of pride as in how anyone dare mess with me and my dignity.
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grower
Junior Member
Posts: 79
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Post by grower on May 12, 2022 10:01:40 GMT -5
Yes, it seems the world is full of broken people. But can we change the
people they are (NO). But yet we line up through some feeling of responsibility,
obligation or sacred vows to be the reason for someone else's unhappiness.
My wife has blamed everyone in her life for every issue and unhappiness.
We can be supportive if our parner even seems
willing to identify issues and take steps to correct them. It's a vicious circle.
Just venting on my part. I wish I had answers, but I don't. I am getting my son
off to college, and I will be feeling better about letting my "not giving a shit"
a free run and let the chips fall where they may.
I know some of you can understand a crappy and also sexless marriage.
Those of you that fall into the "happy with my marriage except for the
no sex thing" fall into a whole different set. Different but sucks too.
Right now, I am doing my best to take care of me, my son and my own health, cause if a
fall into my pit of despair, I just try to drink my way out, dulls the pain, but
solves nothing. 7 weeks of no alcohol and down 20#. Something positive.
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Post by ironhamster on May 15, 2022 6:47:19 GMT -5
My ex has some strong traits of narcissism. Sadly, they are amplified in both of our now adult children.
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Post by nyartgal on May 17, 2022 7:57:32 GMT -5
I believe strongly that my Mom had BPD. It was my therapist who diagnosed her (unofficially) based on my description.
You cannot change anyone who has BPD and once you are on the shit list, there’s no coming back. All you can do is 1. Enforce extremely strict boundaries to protect yourself if you want to maintain the relationship, or 2. Walk away. Most people choose #2 eventually. I was able to maintain a relationship with my mother but it took a lot of work and I certainly could not have spent two full days with her, forget live together.
If your wife has BPD, then sex is the least of your problems. If it’s unbearable to continue, then your first priority should be consulting a lawyer in your jurisdiction.
There is a very good online forum called BPDfamily that I highly recommend. I learned a lot there and the community is very supportive. There are also many good books about relationships with BPD people. Good luck!
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