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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 9, 2022 6:04:01 GMT -5
... I’ve recently been snooping around and discovered over $200,000 in ETrade stock sells in the last 12 months. Resulted in a $40k tax liability for 2021. He filed our taxes without asking me to sign or offering me to have a look - standard in our marriage. What I don't know is if he reinvested that 200k or what happened to that money. I'm concerned everyone's suspicions are correct. e-trade will be required to document those withdrawals, so cashing out is of limited value. Greatcoastal's experience of being expected to find cash seems absurd. Having enough to hire a lawyer or private eye with expertise in tracking down assets along with your divorce attorney might make sense if he pulls shenanigans like his wife did. The less likely guess is that your husband is steeped in right winger media? You said gun case, and he keeps cash in it. (was the gun case open with the bag in it? Or you were thinking of some target practice? Maybe you were already suspicious and went looking.) Perhaps he has multiple guns? Gun owners tend to. Thus, 120 guns for every hundred people. That means that at least 20% of gun owners have two and we know there's plenty of folks who have zero. Maybe he thinks we're on teh verge of a global collapse and he's socking away cash or he's buying gold? Do you know if he already has some, just in case? Does he have six months of durable food stored? Preferably in a remote country cabin? Wacky question, I know.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 9, 2022 6:14:31 GMT -5
mirrorchild: "Does he have six months of durable food stored? Preferably in a remote country cabin? Wacky question, I know."
Not a wacky question. There really are people doing those things in the US. You may be onto something.
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Post by dallasgia on Jun 9, 2022 7:52:07 GMT -5
Positively not a prepper in any way. He scoffs at such people. He owns zero gold, etc. I looked in the gun cabinet because he had a guy here at the house doing some plumbing work and he needed to pay him. He said he was leaving for bank and returned way way to quickly with cash to pay the worker. So when he left - I went investigating. The guns were all my dads - i inherited - I am utterly disinterested in them and he knows that I would never mess with them. ETrade will have record of stock sale but initially the sale just dumped cash into his ETrade account which he CAN withdraw as cash - I just don’t know if he did or if he reinvested. I have seen some cash injections into his bank account from Morgan Stanley which I believe is ETrade. I was thinking if he reinvested the tax burden would be less - but I don’t really know about such things. But, He def does and it seems either reckless or stupid to sell that much just to diversify - and absorb a 40k tax burden - none of this he discussed with me. It’s just stuff I have found in my sleuthing for my own preparations. I also found a stock pile of high milligram THC gummies of which he never mentioned either but I’m glad he’s taking as it evens out his terrible mood swings. I am sick and tired of living this game of deceit and secrecy. Remember - my mom almost died from Covid last August and I was with her in a different state for 5 months and tnis is when the ETrade transactions took place. He was completely uninvolved during my entire ordeal with her - instead he was busy laundering money - it’s telling about the state of affairs. I have an appointment with the attorney on the 14th. I do have a pic of the cash. What attorney has told me in the past - money movement during marriage is assumed consensual and the only way to protect myself is to file and freeze asserts.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 9, 2022 8:23:45 GMT -5
Finding cash does sound absurd. Until you are faced with the reality of the corrupt, unjust divorce court system here in America. ( for both men and women) My ex 's job has her in a "top government security clearance" position. Meaning she has access to the company computers to do much of her "moving of the money" which I could not get access too. ( my guess is foreign bank accounts? Or temporarily in a family members bank account, or cash stored with one of her family members until after the divorce. Or invested in stocks in another family members name ,then withdrawn and reinvested after the divorce)
We knew when it was taken, how much, but where it went to was now my burden to discover. The day I ever decide to further investigate, or ever discover its location, is the day my attorney says " call me when you locate it".
My eyes were opened when I 'overheard' my now ex's phone conversations with her sister, and sister in law, as they discussed moving all of their fathers money ,stocks, investment,S.S. 401 K IRA, and retirement, away from his wife ( their mother) who he had separated from ( but never divorced).
This gave them full control over the dividing of the inheritance, and took away any control from their mother.
Do you think my now ex MIL (now deceased but in her late 80's at the time) had any clue about these funds and what was done to her? that she knew anything about online investing and banking? Of course not! All these changes ( moving of money) happened in minutes on the computer!
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Post by deadzone75 on Jun 9, 2022 10:34:27 GMT -5
Positively not a prepper in any way. He scoffs at such people. He owns zero gold, etc. I looked in the gun cabinet because he had a guy here at the house doing some plumbing work and he needed to pay him. He said he was leaving for bank and returned way way to quickly with cash to pay the worker. So when he left - I went investigating. The guns were all my dads - i inherited - I am utterly disinterested in them and he knows that I would never mess with them. ETrade will have record of stock sale but initially the sale just dumped cash into his ETrade account which he CAN withdraw as cash - I just don’t know if he did or if he reinvested. I have seen some cash injections into his bank account from Morgan Stanley which I believe is ETrade. I was thinking if he reinvested the tax burden would be less - but I don’t really know about such things. But, He def does and it seems either reckless or stupid to sell that much just to diversify - and absorb a 40k tax burden - none of this he discussed with me. It’s just stuff I have found in my sleuthing for my own preparations. I also found a stock pile of high milligram THC gummies of which he never mentioned either but I’m glad he’s taking as it evens out his terrible mood swings. I am sick and tired of living this game of deceit and secrecy. Remember - my mom almost died from Covid last August and I was with her in a different state for 5 months and tnis is when the ETrade transactions took place. He was completely uninvolved during my entire ordeal with her - instead he was busy laundering money - it’s telling about the state of affairs. I have an appointment with the attorney on the 14th. I do have a pic of the cash. What attorney has told me in the past - money movement during marriage is assumed consensual and the only way to protect myself is to file and freeze asserts. How many would you say there were? Are you sure he is taking them and not holding them like the cash? Do you know much THC was in them?
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 9, 2022 14:16:21 GMT -5
There is a positive side to all of this!
Positives: Money can't buy happiness. Sadly your STBX is believing this, but you will see otherwise.
Trust and honesty are far more valuable. You will be the one who takes the high road and will not be ensnared by the deceit and depression that comes from lying to others.
You will have the priceless gift of your values and honesty to offer to someone else who deserves it and will multiply it back to you!
These types of deceit, lying, manipulation, stealing, freud,etc.... do come out in a hearing before a judge, and are weapons in your favor for your attorney to use when it comes to "settling" the divorce.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 9, 2022 14:23:14 GMT -5
Offering a little bit of sanity-check… if he timed the sales well last year when the market was high (and depending on what he moved the money into), he may have traded wisely and avoided a lot of losses that more than make up for the tax hit. Though I’d expect him to pay the taxes from those profits instead of taking it from, say, a joint account that reduces your access to cash.
And no, he could have re-invested immediately into a different stock and that doesn’t spare him from the taxes. Rolling over profits to defer taxes is only possible in real estate.
But the $16k… I loved the suggestion to deposit it in a joint account - that would have put it in the system for accountability without “taking it away” from him.
Now, what he was doing with that much cash… that’s interesting. Was he buying something? Did he sell something? Is he hiding income and creating a tax fraud liability that could affect you as a joint filer? Have you noticed the appearance / disappearance of things that would account for the cash?
You say he’s not into gold, but that amount of cash would turn into just a handful of coins that are easily stashed. $16k wouldn’t be enough to panic over, but where there’s smoke there may be fire, and it could be part of a pattern of behavior to hide assets.
DC
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 10, 2022 8:00:22 GMT -5
I’m going to take a different tack and advise you to spend more energy building your own assets in your own name and less worrying about him. The truth is that there’s no reason to think based on your relationship that he would ever give you a penny if you divorce, and he’s probably long hidden lots of money away in places you can’t find. Whether it’s cash or stock trades or whatever, he feels zero obligation to you. He couldn’t give less of a shit what you think, know, want or need in terms of money, and probably other things too. Like sex! Sorry if that sounds harsh but I think you need a plan B and fast.
After you split, can you live for free or very cheaply for awhile with family while you get on your feet? Do you have any money in your own name? Are you eligible for social security yet? Is there anything you can sell?
If you want to go the route of recovering assets, try to copy or download statements from all of the accounts because he could close them at any moment. You really need to consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction to see what rights you have. Good luck!
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Post by dallasgia on Jun 11, 2022 13:15:39 GMT -5
Well, I found the money bag again. He’s carrying it around with him in his computer back pack. Doesn’t appear to be much change in amount. It’s bank wrapped 50’s & 100’s in 2k & 5k wraps and some loose 50’s & 20’s . Keeps it next to his 400mg THC gummies .
Thank you nyartgirl- and your take on things is spot on. I am focusing on my own money situation and building a reserve. Hating every minute of all of this stupid shit show.
He’s been a normal acting person for a few days here lately. Actually smiling some, occasional eye contact, and some chit chat - way out of character for him. Typically, sulks around here in a silent brooding speaking zero words to me. Honestly, him being civil is almost more of a mind screw at this point since it’s been years of the other and stealing myself against his harshness - I flounder when he is somewhat nice - it confuses the plan I think I have in place for leaving.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 11, 2022 14:56:35 GMT -5
" Well, I found the money bag again. He’s carrying it around with him in his computer back pack. Doesn’t appear to be much change in amount. It’s bank wrapped 50’s & 100’s in 2k & 5k wraps and some loose 50’s & 20’s . Keeps it next to his 400mg THC gummies ."
Take a date stamped picture of it. You may need it as evidence for your divorce settlement.
His being temporarily nice to you shouldn't change your divorce plans. He's obviously hiding info from you and he hasn't overall been a caring husband.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 11, 2022 17:33:22 GMT -5
What would you do if it was the other way around? If your H had found you stashing large amounts of cash? Found it, and deposited it in the bank under his name?
Would you feel okay about it?
How would you want him to handle it?
Would you expect him to question you about it?
Would you be suspicious if he remained silent about it?
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Post by dallasgia on Jun 11, 2022 19:04:10 GMT -5
What would you do if it was the other way around? If your H had found you stashing large amounts of cash? Found it, and deposited it in the bank under his name? Would you feel okay about it? How would you want him to handle it? Well, I would hope I would feel ashamed of myself - lol I’m not dumb enough to leave cash stash lying around. Which, I consider him rather intelligent so am quite baffled over this cash issue. He’s arrogant and I’m very meek so maybe he’s just being sloppy. But, if he found it and deposited it in a joint account I guess I wouldn’t be able to bitch. We don’t have a joint account so I can’t really deposit it. I haven’t touched it at all - except to count and take pics. My MO this entire marriage is to let him be the head of the house.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 11, 2022 19:26:47 GMT -5
What would you do if it was the other way around? If your H had found you stashing large amounts of cash? Found it, and deposited it in the bank under his name? Would you feel okay about it? How would you want him to handle it? Well, I would hope I would feel ashamed of myself - lol I’m not dumb enough to leave cash stash lying around. Which, I consider him rather intelligent so am quite baffled over this cash issue. He’s arrogant and I’m very meek so maybe he’s just being sloppy. But, if he found it and deposited it in a joint account I guess I wouldn’t be able to bitch. We don’t have a joint account so I can’t really deposit it. I haven’t touched it at all - except to count and take pics. My MO this entire marriage is to let him be the head of the house. There's a problem with "joint accounts"...one of you can withdraw all of it and move it to a personal account at any time without the other person's knowledge. Fortunately there's a remaining record of a " joint account" but these are things an attorney will advise you about. My attorney advised me to withdraw half of our joint account so I would have enough to live on during my drawn out divorce. I could have taken all of it. This seemed fair, in fact I was planning on dividing what was left, however....the ugly truth showed it's head, my ex's exact words " I'm going to make sure you don't receive a single penny". I told her of my actions the day I told her about filing for divorce, that day she stole 100's of thousands of dollars! I hope this is not your situation!Your attorney is going to advise you "you are now head of your half of the house, and to expect an even dividing of ALL possessions. So you can move on and be head of your own house "(including cash stash lying around)
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 13, 2022 5:55:34 GMT -5
Well, I found the money bag again. He’s carrying it around with him in his computer back pack. Doesn’t appear to be much change in amount. It’s bank wrapped 50’s & 100’s in 2k & 5k wraps and some loose 50’s & 20’s . Keeps it next to his 400mg THC gummies . Thank you nyartgirl- and your take on things is spot on. I am focusing on my own money situation and building a reserve. Hating every minute of all of this stupid shit show. He’s been a normal acting person for a few days here lately. Actually smiling some, occasional eye contact, and some chit chat - way out of character for him. Typically, sulks around here in a silent brooding speaking zero words to me. Honestly, him being civil is almost more of a mind screw at this point since it’s been years of the other and stealing myself against his harshness - I flounder when he is somewhat nice - it confuses the plan I think I have in place for leaving. northstarmom 's idea of a dated pic makes sense. But I have to wonder maybe 16k isn't much. Don't know the size of your pie. May be fussing over scraps. You're squirreling away a little funding. You have no joint account, so perhaps you've had your own account for some time before. When I was lining up dates and going on the first one, I'd already decided to be extra nice to Mrs. MirrorOrchid before I sprung the "bad news" on her that I was no longer going to be asking her for sex she didn't want; make the marriage better all around. No grumpy resentful husband. e He may be getting into the same uplifted mood of "escaping", even though the plans are still in the building phase. ( Apocrypha has said more than once that refusers may also be unhappy) We find his mindset baffling, but he may be pleased with the direction of events and he cannot contain his pleasure and it's a "tell" in this unwelcome game. Meh. Enjoy it and respond it kind, even as Northstarmom recommends not altering course. Amicable behavior before a divorce (assuming one happens) may lead to smaller legal expenses later. (but staying politely firm in your rights.)
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Post by dallasgia on Jun 13, 2022 15:11:55 GMT -5
Well, I found the money bag again. He’s carrying it around with him in his computer back pack. Doesn’t appear to be much change in amount. It’s bank wrapped 50’s & 100’s in 2k & 5k wraps and some loose 50’s & 20’s . Keeps it next to his 400mg THC gummies . Thank you nyartgirl- and your take on things is spot on. I am focusing on my own money situation and building a reserve. Hating every minute of all of this stupid shit show. He’s been a normal acting person for a few days here lately. Actually smiling some, occasional eye contact, and some chit chat - way out of character for him. Typically, sulks around here in a silent brooding speaking zero words to me. Honestly, him being civil is almost more of a mind screw at this point since it’s been years of the other and stealing myself against his harshness - I flounder when he is somewhat nice - it confuses the plan I think I have in place for leaving. northstarmom 's idea of a dated pic makes sense. But I have to wonder maybe 16k isn't much. Don't know the size of your pie. May be fussing over scraps. You're squirreling away a little funding. You have no joint account, so perhaps you've had your own account for some time before. When I was lining up dates and going on the first one, I'd already decided to be extra nice to Mrs. MirrorOrchid before I sprung the "bad news" on her that I was no longer going to be asking her for sex she didn't want; make the marriage better all around. No grumpy resentful husband. e He may be getting into the same uplifted mood of "escaping", even though the plans are still in the building phase. ( Apocrypha has said more than once that refusers may also be unhappy) We find his mindset baffling, but he may be pleased with the direction of events and he cannot contain his pleasure and it's a "tell" in this unwelcome game. Meh. Enjoy it and respond it kind, even as Northstarmom recommends not altering course. Amicable behavior before a divorce (assuming one happens) may lead to smaller legal expenses later. (but staying politely firm in your rights.) Fussing over scraps indeed. To me it’s more his Holier than Thou persona and his heaping blame on me. All the while playing in his own relationship destroying behaviors.
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