I’ve become part of the problem
Sept 15, 2022 16:03:05 GMT -5
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Post by jameson68 on Sept 15, 2022 16:03:05 GMT -5
I’ll wanted to keep this brief but in matters this important context is vital so I hope I keep you engaged long enough to get to the end. I’m 47 and have been married for three years, together for six. The relationship with my wife is unlike any of my previous relationships, perhaps because we met later in life, I’m not entirely sure.
I have always enjoyed sex immensely and my previous relationships were based on a strong physical attraction and a very adventurous, fulfilling sex life but like anything that burns so hot it eventually burns out and the physical attraction became less important and less of a priority as other factors that made us incompatible took over.
When I met my wife we connected differently. There were no butterflies, no hot pursuit despite her being a very attractive woman. There was something special about her and we just clicked. From the day we met we kept in contact, messaging each other daily and constantly. The conversation flowed effortlessly and she stimulated my mind. I had a wild past and used drugs and alcohol as a crutch. I had my drinking under control before we’d met and replaced my time in the pub with time in the gym but I was smoking weed daily when we met. By God’s grace I progressed in my career and am financially secure and doing well. She calmed my demons and made me want to be a better man.
We have very different backgrounds - hers being very conservative so topics like sex and sexuality were not part of her upbringing. Despite the differences we had a reasonably good sex life starting out so there were no red flags. She had an adventurous streak that was very promising but had been cheated on and had trust issues that I was sympathetic to and it explained any reluctance she had to explore her sexuality with me fully.
Three years ago I got the opportunity to emigrate and start working in another country. I wanted to continue my life with her because it’s just better with her in it and we got married. I left our home country six months before she did, the day after we got married so we never had a traditional honeymoon. She didn’t trust technology so was very hesitant to send pics or videos and we only sexted a handful of times (considering her trust concerns I accepted this as being reasonable despite being very frustrated).
Once she’d arrived it took some time to settle in and sex was infrequent - I put it down to stress. After some time I spoke to her about how I was feeling and how much I needed physical intimacy (and sex!). Physical touch is my love language but not hers -I know hers and appreciate the way she shows her love towards me. I have no doubt that she loves me.
I bought toys, lingerie, asked her to watch porn with me (she gets embarrassed seeing nudity on TV) sent Medium articles on the topic, shared my fantasies etc etc I tried it all but no progress. Eventually my confidence died. I am physically fit, have a good body, good hygiene, teeth etc so rejection really hurts. I thought she’d open up more once we were married - she indicated that she would but it never happened.
Fast forward to a few months ago - we got pregnant but had a miscarriage. We wanted a child but rather than try naturally she pressed for IVF citing health and age concerns. Fair enough given the miscarriage but we didn’t even TRY to get pregnant naturally. IVF worked and as the pregnancy progressed the hormones kicked in. She started getting horny but by this point I’ve withdrawn completely- I’ve lost all interest and resort to porn and masturbation. I don’t want to cheat on her and haven’t but I feel incredibly unfulfilled. I help around the house, change nappies, help with the baby, do diy, work in the garden etc. I’m do my part.
I can’t kiss and be affectionate with someone who doesn’t want to satisfy me physically. I need to feel wanted and desired but I simply aren’t despite explaining how I feel and what I need. I’ve started chatting to a woman on Onlyfans so I’m basically paying a lot of money to ‘feel’ desired and getting no physical satisfaction.
I feel defeated.
Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far.
I have always enjoyed sex immensely and my previous relationships were based on a strong physical attraction and a very adventurous, fulfilling sex life but like anything that burns so hot it eventually burns out and the physical attraction became less important and less of a priority as other factors that made us incompatible took over.
When I met my wife we connected differently. There were no butterflies, no hot pursuit despite her being a very attractive woman. There was something special about her and we just clicked. From the day we met we kept in contact, messaging each other daily and constantly. The conversation flowed effortlessly and she stimulated my mind. I had a wild past and used drugs and alcohol as a crutch. I had my drinking under control before we’d met and replaced my time in the pub with time in the gym but I was smoking weed daily when we met. By God’s grace I progressed in my career and am financially secure and doing well. She calmed my demons and made me want to be a better man.
We have very different backgrounds - hers being very conservative so topics like sex and sexuality were not part of her upbringing. Despite the differences we had a reasonably good sex life starting out so there were no red flags. She had an adventurous streak that was very promising but had been cheated on and had trust issues that I was sympathetic to and it explained any reluctance she had to explore her sexuality with me fully.
Three years ago I got the opportunity to emigrate and start working in another country. I wanted to continue my life with her because it’s just better with her in it and we got married. I left our home country six months before she did, the day after we got married so we never had a traditional honeymoon. She didn’t trust technology so was very hesitant to send pics or videos and we only sexted a handful of times (considering her trust concerns I accepted this as being reasonable despite being very frustrated).
Once she’d arrived it took some time to settle in and sex was infrequent - I put it down to stress. After some time I spoke to her about how I was feeling and how much I needed physical intimacy (and sex!). Physical touch is my love language but not hers -I know hers and appreciate the way she shows her love towards me. I have no doubt that she loves me.
I bought toys, lingerie, asked her to watch porn with me (she gets embarrassed seeing nudity on TV) sent Medium articles on the topic, shared my fantasies etc etc I tried it all but no progress. Eventually my confidence died. I am physically fit, have a good body, good hygiene, teeth etc so rejection really hurts. I thought she’d open up more once we were married - she indicated that she would but it never happened.
Fast forward to a few months ago - we got pregnant but had a miscarriage. We wanted a child but rather than try naturally she pressed for IVF citing health and age concerns. Fair enough given the miscarriage but we didn’t even TRY to get pregnant naturally. IVF worked and as the pregnancy progressed the hormones kicked in. She started getting horny but by this point I’ve withdrawn completely- I’ve lost all interest and resort to porn and masturbation. I don’t want to cheat on her and haven’t but I feel incredibly unfulfilled. I help around the house, change nappies, help with the baby, do diy, work in the garden etc. I’m do my part.
I can’t kiss and be affectionate with someone who doesn’t want to satisfy me physically. I need to feel wanted and desired but I simply aren’t despite explaining how I feel and what I need. I’ve started chatting to a woman on Onlyfans so I’m basically paying a lot of money to ‘feel’ desired and getting no physical satisfaction.
I feel defeated.
Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far.
