Divorce forces you into personal growth
Oct 29, 2022 9:44:08 GMT -5
TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo, angeleyes65, and 1 more like this
Post by greatcoastal on Oct 29, 2022 9:44:08 GMT -5
medium.com/the-creative-project/how-divorce-forces-you-into-personal-growth-65fe62430273
How Divorce Forces You into Personal Growth
Something so negative can change your life for the better
First I want to be clear. I am in no way encouraging people to get divorced. I’m all for happy couples everywhere. But sometimes things don’t work out. And this is for those people.
The people who wanted to grow old with someone and didn’t get it. The ones who suddenly found themselves on their own, navigating the world by themselves.
I was one of those women. I married for my happy-ever-after life. I loved him but it didn’t work out.
When I was married, I had no idea what I was doing. I relied on him to be the breadwinner, and to fix everything that was broken.
I was happy to settle into the role of the subservient homemaker, yet I failed miserably at that. And he wasn’t the ambitious type, so it was a recipe for disaster.
Suddenly I was on my own
Then we divorced. My entire world was changed. Divorce forced me to change.
Being thrust into a world where I had to learn to do everything by myself was a huge shock. I had to take the destiny of my family in hand and provide for them.
Now, after staying home with 4 children, I was working 2 jobs. I had to deal with all the bills, the children, the house, lawn mowing, and all the repairs. It was overwhelming.
If I didn’t work, we didn’t eat, and the bills didn’t get paid. I had to be strong, get out there and take charge of our lives.
It was my turn to make sure they had health coverage. It was my job to make sure they had the resources they needed when it was time for college.
I couldn’t do all of these things well, but I gave it my best shot.
Then amazing things happened
I remember the day like it was yesterday. Our garbage disposal was jammed. This was something that in the past I would have delegated to my husband to repair.
I know I’m not good at fixing things.
Now I had to do it. So, I learned how to do it, and fixed it. I was so proud of myself that I called up my friends.
It was some kind of miracle. I fixed the garbage disposal.
I could fix the garbage disposal. It sounds so silly, but it was a huge deal for me.
Since then, I assembled a fan, put together a shelf, and have fixed my toilet when it broke. I’ve put oil in my car and routinely taken it in for service.
I’ve mowed the lawn, shoveled snow, and taken out the trash.
I started writing
Now on my own, I started pursuing my goal of becoming a writer. I achieved my dream of being published when “Chicken Soup for the Soul” published my first story.
I began to write about my past and worked through a lot of my issues by doing so.
I went back to college
At one point I had the opportunity to go back to college, so I took out a loan and made it happen.
I loved college. It was my second chance, and I was so proud when I obtained my B.A.
I honestly don’t think that would have happened if I’d stayed married.
I grew better with bills
Now that I was on my own, I had to deal with all the bills. I started to take pride in paying for things on time and making smarter financial decisions.
I bought a car and then a house on my own too.
I started driving long distances
Now that my husband wasn’t there to do most of the heavy driving, I was the one who had to do it.
I drove out of state, with my children, and by myself when they moved out.
I faced my fear of driving on highways at high speeds. Now I do it all the time. I have to, otherwise, I won’t get to see people I love.
I grew so much as a person
I can honestly say, that I would not be the person I am today if I hadn’t gone through a divorce.
I’d still be leaning on a man for everything. I’d probably not be traveling much. I would have been stuck in a time trap, one of those women that are dependent on a spouse, and never reach their full potential.
According to an online survey of 2000 people, 75 percent of divorced women reported that they had no regrets after their divorce. Women are happier and move on faster.
And although the financial struggle is real, the rewards of personal growth can be great.
Many of my married friends are still the same
I have married friends who can’t even go to the grocery store without their husbands.
Some of them have to ask permission from their husbands to do things or buy things they want.
Many of them are afraid to drive anywhere. Their husband always takes the wheel.
They acquiesce to their men, and their entire reason for living is to make their man happy.
And I’m all for happiness in a partnership, but not at the sacrifice of a human’s potential. You shouldn’t have to give up your autonomy, dreams, and plans to please another person. Especially when they wouldn’t do it for you.
We should never let someone take the driver’s seat in our own lives.
Because, sometimes in life, we have to go through trials for personal growth. And that’s what happened to me. And I’m better for it.
How Divorce Forces You into Personal Growth
Something so negative can change your life for the better
First I want to be clear. I am in no way encouraging people to get divorced. I’m all for happy couples everywhere. But sometimes things don’t work out. And this is for those people.
The people who wanted to grow old with someone and didn’t get it. The ones who suddenly found themselves on their own, navigating the world by themselves.
I was one of those women. I married for my happy-ever-after life. I loved him but it didn’t work out.
When I was married, I had no idea what I was doing. I relied on him to be the breadwinner, and to fix everything that was broken.
I was happy to settle into the role of the subservient homemaker, yet I failed miserably at that. And he wasn’t the ambitious type, so it was a recipe for disaster.
Suddenly I was on my own
Then we divorced. My entire world was changed. Divorce forced me to change.
Being thrust into a world where I had to learn to do everything by myself was a huge shock. I had to take the destiny of my family in hand and provide for them.
Now, after staying home with 4 children, I was working 2 jobs. I had to deal with all the bills, the children, the house, lawn mowing, and all the repairs. It was overwhelming.
If I didn’t work, we didn’t eat, and the bills didn’t get paid. I had to be strong, get out there and take charge of our lives.
It was my turn to make sure they had health coverage. It was my job to make sure they had the resources they needed when it was time for college.
I couldn’t do all of these things well, but I gave it my best shot.
Then amazing things happened
I remember the day like it was yesterday. Our garbage disposal was jammed. This was something that in the past I would have delegated to my husband to repair.
I know I’m not good at fixing things.
Now I had to do it. So, I learned how to do it, and fixed it. I was so proud of myself that I called up my friends.
It was some kind of miracle. I fixed the garbage disposal.
I could fix the garbage disposal. It sounds so silly, but it was a huge deal for me.
Since then, I assembled a fan, put together a shelf, and have fixed my toilet when it broke. I’ve put oil in my car and routinely taken it in for service.
I’ve mowed the lawn, shoveled snow, and taken out the trash.
I started writing
Now on my own, I started pursuing my goal of becoming a writer. I achieved my dream of being published when “Chicken Soup for the Soul” published my first story.
I began to write about my past and worked through a lot of my issues by doing so.
I went back to college
At one point I had the opportunity to go back to college, so I took out a loan and made it happen.
I loved college. It was my second chance, and I was so proud when I obtained my B.A.
I honestly don’t think that would have happened if I’d stayed married.
I grew better with bills
Now that I was on my own, I had to deal with all the bills. I started to take pride in paying for things on time and making smarter financial decisions.
I bought a car and then a house on my own too.
I started driving long distances
Now that my husband wasn’t there to do most of the heavy driving, I was the one who had to do it.
I drove out of state, with my children, and by myself when they moved out.
I faced my fear of driving on highways at high speeds. Now I do it all the time. I have to, otherwise, I won’t get to see people I love.
I grew so much as a person
I can honestly say, that I would not be the person I am today if I hadn’t gone through a divorce.
I’d still be leaning on a man for everything. I’d probably not be traveling much. I would have been stuck in a time trap, one of those women that are dependent on a spouse, and never reach their full potential.
According to an online survey of 2000 people, 75 percent of divorced women reported that they had no regrets after their divorce. Women are happier and move on faster.
And although the financial struggle is real, the rewards of personal growth can be great.
Many of my married friends are still the same
I have married friends who can’t even go to the grocery store without their husbands.
Some of them have to ask permission from their husbands to do things or buy things they want.
Many of them are afraid to drive anywhere. Their husband always takes the wheel.
They acquiesce to their men, and their entire reason for living is to make their man happy.
And I’m all for happiness in a partnership, but not at the sacrifice of a human’s potential. You shouldn’t have to give up your autonomy, dreams, and plans to please another person. Especially when they wouldn’t do it for you.
We should never let someone take the driver’s seat in our own lives.
Because, sometimes in life, we have to go through trials for personal growth. And that’s what happened to me. And I’m better for it.