... But the fact that she doesn’t “want” to make me feel good in those ways. That pleasurable feeling of my wife doing things to me just to make me explode in pleasure. Remember when the relationship begins and neither person can stop thinking of ways to pleasure the other? Things you want to do for each other just because it drives them crazy with pleasure? She doesn’t even let me pleasure her in those ways anymore either. I would do anything she asks me to do sexually, physically, or any other way if she just asked. I’m at her disposal. But she doesn’t want me in that way. I have days where I can’t stop thinking about sex because I haven’t ejaculated in weeks. ...
This is the second time you've mentioned abstinence form orgasm.
So, I've got to ask.... why are you helping her torture you?
You may madly desire her, still, but perhaps you'll be able to momentarily "stop thinking about sex".
My wife and I have recovered a sex life almost double a technically sexless one. Not amazing, but quadruple what we were.
She seems to only engage weekend mornings.
If I kept my powder dry for 5 days straight, I'd be like you. I have shit to get done. I can't be chasing waking hour succubae out of my mind 24-7 during teh work week. I do what's necessary to keep testosterone levels at a subdued simmer.
What's the motive? Saving yourself for the wife, just in case?
Resentment that it shouldn't be necessary?
Feel unworthy of having any sense of physical serenity?
An old porn addiction you fear falling back into?
Is she aware of your abstinence and does she approve of it? Ask for it? Insist on it? Maybe dislike it? Encourage you to look after your own needs, but you refuse?
You may be getting tortured, but if some of it is self-inflicted, maybe you can hurt less than you do?ADDENDUM
You said on another thread:"...I have masturbated to porn as I’ve been in this sexless hell. But I don’t anymore, at least it’s very rare. There’s always a feeling of guilt and it is definitely unsatisfying to me. I miss being wanted. I guess the rejection is really tough to deal with...."
Masturbation is "unsatisfying"? Or less satisfying?
This article points out one empirical difference between orgasms achieved alone or with a partner:pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16095799/
If you meant what you said about it being "unsatisfying" (not even for temporary relief from lustful obsession), then that's a whole different interesting conversation.
On a second point: guilt about what?
I've heard the difference between guilt and shame is that guilt is accompanied by knowledge of measures to rectify a situation you caused or to atone to or compensate someone wronged.
Shame is more a self-criticism based on a societal expectation where no one is hurt, or perhaps the hurt cannot be undone.
Can the torture be lessened by addressing the guilt/shame? What competitive feelings/emotions or life decisions/actions are in play?
Shame and guilt may loom if divorce, an affair, or opening teh marriage are considered. Resentment may be pushing towards actions like these, but shame/guilt over the resentment may be occurring as well.
What are you feeling, and why? Is it unfair? Is some level of self-accommodation justified and should the justification subdue the emotions you feel, but perhaps must persuade yourself not to.