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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 10, 2019 10:03:47 GMT -5
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Post by csl on Apr 13, 2019 12:11:29 GMT -5
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 9, 2020 5:53:48 GMT -5
Hopium - n. (hoe-pee-um) unrealistic hope that a refusing spouse will change behavior and share in a semi-normal state of married intimacy. First ILIASM reference: Beachguy, Jul 31, 2018 at 9:13am iliasm.org/post/105149
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Post by petrushka on Dec 10, 2020 3:26:25 GMT -5
So what, then, is the Hopium of the masses?
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Post by jerri on Dec 10, 2020 4:16:27 GMT -5
Nothing wrong with smoking "hopium" Someone's that's all I had😃
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 10, 2020 6:08:26 GMT -5
So what, then, is the Hopium of the masses? One of those churches that puts a solid date on the end of the world and when that date comes and goes, they say, "Oops. We miscalculated..." then give you a new date. Endless promises of rocking your world then...pfft. Nothin'!
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 9, 2022 6:42:13 GMT -5
Baza's Advice/Caveat/Warning/etc. - n. - ILIASM member baza 's common advice to seek out legal advice as to the likely outcomes of a divorce if you should begin to engage in planning to divorce or outsource (sometimes less precisely referred to as "cheat"). It may apply to other consequences one chooses to invoke: removal of a wedding ring, moving out of the bedroom to a guest room or the couch, separate vacations, other events that question the stability of the union.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 1, 2022 6:20:13 GMT -5
One for the newbies:
Polyamory (pah-lee-am-or-ee) n. - combines the Greek word for many (poly) and the Latin word for love (amor).
To have more than one lover, with or without their knowledge of each other and/or consent. With or without emotional involvement. Dating them separately or together as a group. Having sexual relations with one at a time, or together as a group.
A common remedy of sexless marriages.
Note: Those engaging in consensual polyamory have claimed the word as their own, denying anyone engaged in secret, or informed non-monogamy as something else. Be aware of this if someone says they are "polyamorous", it is likely they are this subset of the population and may feel entitled to openly condemn you if you fall short of their ideal. Nod and smile.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 1, 2022 8:30:23 GMT -5
One for the newbies: Polyamory (pah-lee-am-or-ee) n. - combines the Greek word for many (poly) and the Latin word for love (amor). To have more than one lover, with or without their knowledge of each other and/or consent. With or without emotional involvement. Dating them separately or together as a group. Having sexual relations with one at a time, or together as a group. A common remedy of sexless marriages. I will say that I take great offense to polyamory, as it is an abomination, like automobile. We should never mix our Greek and Latin like that. But the word is here to stay as it is being popularized. Multiamory and Polyphilia are synonymous, but far less popular terms. Polycule is the same mix of languages, having to do with the shape of relationships which, if drawn out, look similar to a chemist's diagram of a molecule.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 11, 2022 18:04:52 GMT -5
DH "dear husband" at times used sarcastically S.O. "significant other" in a relationship, maybe married, maybe not (look up 'common law marriage' which exists in some jurisdictions, not in others. AP "affair partner", also known as "lover" FWB "friend with benefits", much the same as the above, but maybe with more attachment and commitment and permanency I'd agreed with the definition of FWB for the longest time, but more and more the term Friend with Benefits has come to mean less commitment and permanency. In more common vernacular, it now seems to be equivalent to "fuck buddy" or "booty call". No caring relationship (the friendship part) should be assumed if you ask for a FWB or someone invites you to be one. You'd do well to make your expectations clear. After some thought I determined those of us interested in mixing emotional bonding with our physical should choose other terms that are unfortunately more "serious sounding". e.g. "lover" "girlfriend/boyfriend" perhaps "beau" or "ladyfriend" These are descriptions of actual friends. Perhaps we need to call a spade a spade and bid fond farewell to the more casual turn of phrase. Those looking for a more serious relationship appear to have been pushed back into using the serious words.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 24, 2022 6:34:19 GMT -5
Outsourcing (expanded, incomplete, and subject to dispute) - an umbrella term for all situations with a third party/second lover.
UNethical non-monogamy (rarely used term, for some reason)
Secret non-monogamy. The partner doesn't know the second lover exists. This, everyone refers to as "cheating" and an "affair". That's why we speak of "discovering" it.
Ethical non-monogamy
Informed non-monogamy. Partner knows about the second lover, but is unhappy about it and either resents the necessity or denies it is necessary. Has stayed married for whatever reason. Initiator of this less-than-ideal form of polyamory may or may not resent the necessity, but has deemed it necessary.
Sub-types
Don't Ask, Don't Tell - Partner pretends it isn't happening but knows it's going on; doesn't want to think about or acknowledge it. May be produced through hints and a single, short conversation and an expression of awareness. Silence, euphemism, white lies, or alibis are expected to continue the façade to family, the public, and perhaps the spouse.
No special name, just yet - Spouse is aware of what is going on, but it is couched in courteous language. Euphemisms can be used and contact info or itinerary offered for safety reasons.
NOTE: Monogamists and those in consensual non-monogamist (see below) relationships may refer to this form of non-monogamy as UNethical and/or "cheating", making no distinction from the spouse/partner's awareness and ability to refuse to continue the (disputedly ethical) non-monogamist relationship.
Consensual non-monogamy
Subtypes Open Marriage - Those in such a relationship often consider this the only kind of non-monogamy to be ethical. The second lover is tolerated if not welcomed, usually with the intent to grow comfortable with the second lover's existence. They are consenting to the dynamic; the opportunity, opening the door. If a refuser does not agree to even trying a second lover, or only does so under threat, many of those basking in the glory of magnanimous spouses will look upon you as sleazy.
Swinging - Engaging a second lover with knowledge of the spouse for physical interactions only. Emotional connection is discouraged / disallowed.
Polyamory - The second lover is engaged in a relationship with both spouses. Your spouse's lover is called a "metamour" at this point. When the comfort level means all three (or more) could sit around the kitchen table and have coffee and chitchat, this is called "Kitchen Table Poly". If a Kitchen Table polyamorous group (or "polycule") has additional lovers that do not socialize with the group, this may be referred to as "Birthday Party" or "Garden Party" Poly. These people know everyone, but only see each other rarely and are cordial, but perhaps not friends.
Parallel Polyamory - A subset of Polyamory Marriage where both spouses date others. The second and third lovers do not associate deliberately. A three person dynamic with one person being intimate with the two others is referred to as a "Hinge" or "V". Hinges and Vs may be linked by lovers-in-common. /\/ or more /\/\/\/\/\. Two hetero cpuples many engage in "spouse swapping" and have overlapping V's like an hourglass or connected at corners into a square.
_ Triads, Quads, Pentagons...etc. - Commonly bisexual Poly Relationships where at least some points of hinges/Vs are connected. V |X| Some strictly heterosexual hinges or squares may also refer to themselves as triads, quads, etc. Don't assume.
Hinges can connect couples, triads, quads and such into wider social circles also referred to as webs or polycules.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 28, 2022 4:46:03 GMT -5
Oppositeland - Being in a satisfying physical relationship after your sexless marriage, no longer feeling frustrated; usually a longish-term romantic partnership.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 25, 2023 7:14:01 GMT -5
" How chasing" (BETA) n. - the obsessive pursuit of methods by which to get a celibate spouse interested in sex again. Related to " why chasing", but no cause is sought, just ideas to set moods. See also, bacon-scented candles in the "Jargon" entry.
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