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Post by casual777 on Oct 16, 2021 11:21:29 GMT -5
The problem is for some , having that conversation is not an option. If she opts for a separation our kids , who are super thriving , may or may not continue to thrive . This is a risk I won’t take now . When they approach adulthood I will .
If she finds out about my outsourcing that’s another Matter. That I am not stopping , it’s marvellous and means I am functioning . The show must go on and does until it doesn’t because I get busted or I confront .
I hope neither happens and HRT and less supervision and oversight of youngish kids growing up increases the frequency . I have gone long periods without outsourcing when things were good and hope this happens again . What I won’t do is sit on my hands waiting for a miracle
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Post by Apocrypha on Oct 16, 2021 12:18:44 GMT -5
The problem is for some , having that conversation is not an option. If she opts for a separation our kids , who are super thriving , may or may not continue to thrive . This is a risk I won’t take now . When they approach adulthood I will . If she finds out about my outsourcing that’s another Matter. That I am not stopping , it’s marvellous and means I am functioning . The show must go on and does until it doesn’t because I get busted or I confront . I hope neither happens and HRT and less supervision and oversight of youngish kids growing up increases the frequency . I have gone long periods without outsourcing when things were good and hope this happens again . What I won’t do is sit on my hands waiting for a miracle As a friend of mine just found out, as former Mrs Apocrypha and her partner found out close to a decade ago, and has been shown time and time again on this board - the outsourcing option has a way of suddenly changing and spitting out in unpredictable directions. People get very self-focused and present-focused in an outsourcing deal and underestimate how unpredictable the other people are, or how a chains of chance minor indiscretions can lead to an inconvenient revelation. I was speaking with a friend recently who was having an affair with another married acquaintance for the past few years. The relationship ended when he treated her with what she (and I) perceived as an unconscionable lack of care, following one of the most random and seemingly inconsequential and unrelated events. He likely has a different perspective on that, but as I was talking with her, she let me know she had many compromising photos and videos of him, and it had crossed her mind to treat him poorly in return. His wife is a well-known politician. Mrs Apocrypha herself got drunk and unburdened her conscience to me, minutes after her affair partner had stepped out to the porch. By the time I ran out to the porch to do - I'm not sure what I was going to do (my memory of the incident is oddly foggy) - he had left, wisely. Likely ran down the street. I informed his wife after giving him a chance to do it himself. He chose unwisely to threaten me instead, not realizing I'd already acquired multiple sources of contact information for her before I presented my offer to him. My recent friend had a situation in which he claims he made out with his neighbor on a beach. They'd been having walks. She was younger and he in a celibate marriage. He felt like the cock of the walk again. His neighbor got caught by her husband... who had grown suspicious. In this case, a text trail. The husband informed his wife. I could go on all day with these. The point I'm making isn't that one way or another is without risk or consequences; it's more that when it busts like this -- it happens with maximum yield damage and affords the cheater the least credibility and agency in channeling it to minimize the damage. It's much easier to minimize the impact of divorce with someone whom you actually have some level of investment and care for than it is with someone who hates you or whoever you have become so much that they'd hurt themselves to hurt you. A tradeoff might be to kick the can farther down the road until young kids are older. In my experience with this though, this becomes habitual. Two friends of mine kept kicking that can until both their sets of kids were in their 20's and 30s. |
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onempty
Junior Member
I'm almost free...
Posts: 60
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by onempty on Oct 17, 2021 10:04:34 GMT -5
I would almost bet that you do. Just as they don't know how dysfunctional your marriage is, if you have a dozen married friends the probability is there is a least 1 other couple that are in a SM. I wonder what the numbers really are. I'd guess the number a lot higher than 1 of 12. I'd guess at least half. Maybe years of barely getting any has me jaded. |
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 17, 2021 10:50:13 GMT -5
I wonder what the numbers really are. I'd guess the number a lot higher than 1 of 12. I'd guess at least half. Maybe years of barely getting any has me jaded. A good estimate is 15-20% of marriages are clinically sexless. It's not a stat that can be reliably determined. This article says 15-20% of married couples did not have sex in the last year. That would push the number of clinically sexless marriages even higher as that Stat allows for as many as ten romps per year. 2date4love.com/sexless-marriage-statistics/2date4love.com/sexless-marriage-statistics/ |
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Flow chart
Oct 17, 2021 13:48:16 GMT -5
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Post by jim44444 on Oct 17, 2021 13:48:16 GMT -5
I just read the article cited by ironhamster. I found it to be trite and full of harmful stereotypical bullshit. It focused the SM problem primarily upon the woman. The author, an English literature student, even went as far as to write the section How does a sexless marriage affect a man? . But no mention of how it affects a woman! Even the very title 15 Fascinating Sexless Marriage Statistics for 2021 screams click bait. The scourge of the internet is that it gives every moron a voice. |
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Post by Handy on Oct 17, 2021 20:22:38 GMT -5
How does a sexless marriage affect a man? But no mention of how it affects a woman! I had a similar opinion. I didn't place a lot of confidence because some of the back-up information-articles were from self reported magazine articles.
I would like to read more about why men refuse to have sex with their woman and more about why women refuse sex.
We hear the stories about how a SM affects the refused. There are some stories so maybe it is well covered.
The big problem is finding workable solutions. So many people keep hanging on to hope and crumbs.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 19, 2021 5:14:43 GMT -5
I just read the article cited by ironhamster . I found it to be trite and full of harmful stereotypical bullshit. It focused the SM problem primarily upon the woman. The author, an English literature student, even went as far as to write the section How does a sexless marriage affect a man? . But no mention of how it affects a woman! Even the very title 15 Fascinating Sexless Marriage Statistics for 2021 screams click bait. The scourge of the internet is that it gives every moron a voice. The article may be amateurish, but that stat comes up repeatedly. Slightly more reputable outlet here: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-future-intimacy/202102/when-people-still-want-sex-not-their-partnersEstimates suggest that about 20 percent of marriages are sexless.
Anecdotes at ILIASM seem to point to preference for porn behind many male refusers. |
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