All anyone can do in these circumstances is to make a fully informed choice. A FULLY INFORMED choice. - It behoves anyone in our common situations to fully check out the options. #1 - staying (perhaps with the outsourcing element) #2 - leaving - If you reject the leaving option out of hand without fully researching it, then you are NOT making a FULLY INFORMED choice. Just as true is that if you reject the staying option without fully researching the implications of that choice, then again you are NOT making a fully informed choice.
- It is incumbent on us to make a FULLY informed choice. - Then, you've got to own that choice, and live it. No bleating about it, no qualifications to it. You own it. - Staying is a legitimate choice. Leaving is a legitimate choice. - Your call. But bear in mind you don't get a pass, no-one does. You don't get to "sit this one out".
But bear in mind you don't get a pass, no-one does. You don't get to "sit this one out".
What does this mean? I don't understand. I wasn't going to reply, but it's been bothering me for a few days now baza. No one here is sitting anything out. We're all pondering the big questions. And doing the best we can, one day at a time. I guess I just took this last bit to heart and it hurt. Maybe you didn't mean it the way I took it. I'm going to assume that. But it did raise my defenses. I have to admit.
The use of "you" here is pejorative Sister elle - it is not directed at you personally. - In the context of a dysfunctional marriage, you have 2 choices. #1 - to stay in the dysfunctional situation (the status quo) #2 - to remove yourself from the dysfunctional situation. Both, are perfectly valid choices. - Many people (myself included back in the day) think - "I don't think too much of the idea of staying in the dysfunctional situation with its' dearth of emotional connection and other problem, so I am not willingly going to choose that" and at the same time think - "I don't think too much of the leaving choice either. The disruption and intimidating logistics of that choice, plus the arguements and stigma and sheer difficulties involved mean that I am not willing to choose that". onward to "I cannot choose between #1 and #2 so I will not choose. I will sit this one out". - Thing is, under this circumstance, the status quo - the present situation - prevails You stay. And you will wear the consequences of that choice just the same as if you had willingly chosen it. You don't get a pass on choice. No-one does. One way or another, you choose.
I actually did leave for awhile and ended up in the same situation- sexless only this time in a crappy apartment missing my kids. In the end I decided it was better to live in my nice house with my kids without sex than living alone without sex.