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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2016 9:34:25 GMT -5
How true! Reminds of the post were I mentioned bringing up our SM in our small group on marriage at church. Some here were opposed that I brought it up in that setting, even though I asked my wife's permission first. Then came the flood of advice, from the ladies in the small group, when my wife was not there,on all the things I ( the refused should do for the refuser) should try. When I informed them, been there, done that, they threw there hands in the air and said," don't know what else to tell you!" Not one word about my refuser treating me wrong or changing. And I am sure that none of them looked at your refuser and said, "Hey Moron, start fucking your husband!" You win the prize! We go to separate churches now. She still goes out to dinner with that same small safe crowd of females. I often wonder how they look at her, or are they just too Nieves to even see it. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if she plays the " victim" card with them too. What did her sister call me the other day? " her less than helpful husband". No matter, that ship sank long ago. This life jacket is gaining water, but I am ready to put my feet on shore, and discover a new world again. |
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 10:08:24 GMT -5
And I am sure that none of them looked at your refuser and said, "Hey Moron, start fucking your husband!" You win the prize! We go to separate churches now. She still goes out to dinner with that same small safe crowd of females. I often wonder how they look at her, or are they just too Nieves to even see it. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if she plays the " victim" card with them too. What did her sister call me the other day? " her less than helpful husband". No matter, that ship sank long ago. This life jacket is gaining water, but I am ready to put my feet on shore, and discover a new world again. Please excuse this expression, but WHAT A FUCKING HATEFUL BITCH! Sorry, just had to get that out. Are you getting divorced soon? |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2016 10:15:50 GMT -5
You win the prize! We go to separate churches now. She still goes out to dinner with that same small safe crowd of females. I often wonder how they look at her, or are they just too Nieves to even see it. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if she plays the " victim" card with them too. What did her sister call me the other day? " her less than helpful husband". No matter, that ship sank long ago. This life jacket is gaining water, but I am ready to put my feet on shore, and discover a new world again. Please excuse this expression, but WHAT A FUCKING HATEFUL BITCH! Sorry, just had to get that out. Are you getting divorced soon? Not soon enough. My thoughts revolve around the number of children turning 18 and over. In two years 3 of the six will be 18 and over leaving one at 17 (close) the other two 16 and 15. If I can withstand two more years, I will not need a six bedroom house. A three or four bedroom apt will do. I own other properties, 4 bdrm. Houses. The leases expire at the beginning of every year. until I get info. Telling me you don't have to do that. That is my plan. |
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Post by DryCreek on May 21, 2016 21:59:59 GMT -5
until I get info. Telling me you don't have to do that. That is my plan. (Channeling Captain Obvious...) "You have inquired about that, right?" Don't I recall that she is currently the breadwinner? Yet you seem to be concerned about kids turning 18 (which hints at concerns over child support, which would appear not to be your issue). As for custody, at that age I would expect the courts to heavily consider the child's preference, which will likely be the same one they'd make after turning 18 if they're still at home. So seeing your kids doesn't seem to be an obstacle. Some jurisdictions have crazy alimony entitlement too. I thought mine was bad at 7-10 years, but some are for life after 25-30 years! This would also seem to be in your favor. DC |
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 22, 2016 19:14:45 GMT -5
It forces a person to decide to change their sex drive to match their partners. Of course it always points out that "you can do without sex, it won't kill you." No, it will just make you wish you were dead. Yes, being sexually neglected and refused by the person you've committed yourself to makes you feel worthless. |
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Post by Dan on May 23, 2016 7:54:43 GMT -5
Want to jump in to a relevant Talk About Marriage discussion? Please help this guy: talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/334377-have-i-hit-dead-end.html(I half-requesting you sign up there and post something there.) Excerpt: My wife and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5 1/2. I would say our sex life is the classic stereotype. It was great in the beginning, we both gave and received equally. Then we settled into the roles of the HD husband and LD wife, and all the problems that come with that (temper tantrums, hurt from rejection, claims of no romance, intimacy etc.) And now I have to work and work at it with the hopes of even being tossed a bread crumb.
Over the past 2 years or so, she's started saying things that hurt like:
"Sex does nothing for me because you don't last long"
"That's it?"
"Why are you so awkward?"
She doesn't initiate at all anymore. And I've been rejected so many times that the only time I really get in the mood is in the morning after I've slept away yesterday's troubles and I can appreciate the woman laying next to me in bed. It's like a 25% success rate. I wake up earlier than her for work so I do feel guilty waking her up, but I'm usually so worked up that my judgement is cloudy.
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 13:49:12 GMT -5
Want to jump in to a relevant Talk About Marriage discussion? Please help this guy: talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/334377-have-i-hit-dead-end.html(I half-requesting you sign up there and post something there.) Excerpt: My wife and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5 1/2. I would say our sex life is the classic stereotype. It was great in the beginning, we both gave and received equally. Then we settled into the roles of the HD husband and LD wife, and all the problems that come with that (temper tantrums, hurt from rejection, claims of no romance, intimacy etc.) And now I have to work and work at it with the hopes of even being tossed a bread crumb.
Over the past 2 years or so, she's started saying things that hurt like:
"Sex does nothing for me because you don't last long"
"That's it?"
"Why are you so awkward?"
She doesn't initiate at all anymore. And I've been rejected so many times that the only time I really get in the mood is in the morning after I've slept away yesterday's troubles and I can appreciate the woman laying next to me in bed. It's like a 25% success rate. I wake up earlier than her for work so I do feel guilty waking her up, but I'm usually so worked up that my judgement is cloudy.
... Do I really want to jump in on this one? Just reading your excerpt here makes me think of how I've always said the biggest issue in a SM is communication first, then comes a refusal to change. Is it just me, or did your excerpt show that there was some pretty direct communication, from her. I'd say that part of the equation is done, and done pretty damn well! There's not a lot of ambiguity on why she's refusing and not initiating........
For what it's worth...and no, with her very direct communication, I don't consider these bacon scented candles...here's my suggestions:
"Sex does nothing for me because you don't last long" - Slow it down a little. Romance her
"That's it?" - Slow it down a little. Romance her.
"Why are you so awkward?" - Slow it down a little. Romance her.
(Do I even need to comment on "I wake up earlier than her for work so I do feel guilty waking her up, but I'm usually so worked up that my judgement is cloudy")
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Post by Dan on May 23, 2016 14:30:45 GMT -5
Thanks, itsjustus. I wan't asking for input HERE. I'm half-requesting that we consider stategic posts THERE to help our SM brethren, and to make them aware of THIS forum. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 14:47:55 GMT -5
Thanks, itsjustus . I wan't asking for input HERE. I'm half-requesting that we consider stategic posts THERE to help our SM brethren, and to make them aware of THIS forum. True! Oops!! Sorry! Still.....lol |
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Post by Chatter Fox on May 24, 2016 15:07:03 GMT -5
I spent a bit of time on that site. I personally feel as though there are a lot of people on there that seem to only be there to feel better about themselves by beating up on people in pain. I shared a lot of different stories and basically was told about how awful I was. Not every user has that approach but many seemed to be looking for people to bully in a very subtle way. ...some people were not so subtle about it either. Most people gave me a very "holier than thou" vibe.
Also, a lot of the SM advice revolved around me becoming someone I'm not in order to turn on my wife. Sorry, but I'd rather be rejected and be myself than be accepted and playing a part. I'm all for bettering myself (I attempt to do it constantly) but I refuse to believe I can only get sex from my wife if I turn into some kind of completely different person. If she needs a different person to turn her on, I feel as though she should go ahead and find that person.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 15, 2016 11:47:24 GMT -5
It forces a person to decide to change their sex drive to match their partners. Of course it always points out that "you can do without sex, it won't kill you." No, it will just make you wish you were dead. I think it would kill me - -- since I am not this body. I am a spirit inhabiting a body. So killing my spirit - the virile, active, pleasure-seeking, laughter-inducing SPIRIT that I am - -- killing that IS killing me. I could not stay in that toxic SM environment. There may well be SMs that are less toxic, with more laughter than mine had. But I knew that if I stayed, it would (could) actually kill the ME that is the me I love - - the me that I was put on earth to express. I'm with Kat -- - it was edging close to me wishing I was dead and I couldn't go on like that. |
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