How do we grieve for an online friend?

I reciently thought about this, I have a friend I met years ago from online chat rooms. We have only seen each other once at a coffee place that was random luck thanks to both of us being on travel.

I have told her that she will be invited to my funeral. My W might not like it but tough, she's still a friend and she needs to greave as well. Even if we didn't meet in person, she would still be invited. She might not make the trip, but I would think just being invited and having that chance for closer would help.

But for people that I have only known on message boards, like here.... That's a tough one.

Jim, I am so sorry. I had no idea she was ill. May she Rest In Peace. I have lost several online friends over the past few years. They were unexpected, and I felt sad. It’s difficult to grieve in the open, but allow yourself to grieve anyway. Grieve for her as you would any friend. In my view, it’s not the name, the location, or the physical presence, but the connection between two souls and hearts, whether romantic or friendship. People online can touch us deeply, and even more so because we reveal so much of ourselves to each other than we can do in the “rea”l world.

My condolences.

My condolences, jim44444. Sadly, I have become an authority on grieving, having gone through many of the stages with the death of my wife. One truth I have realized is that no one really grieves the same way.

I’ve gone through the initial shock of her death, followed by the emotional blender of those first few months. That has been followed by the long stretch of adjusting to the empty space she left behind, which the most common form of grieving. I still experience this one. Hell, I go through this one on the cat I lost five years ago. This is the sneaky form of grief. I come across some situation in which she and I shared, like watching my son do something or playing with the cats. Then it hits me - she’s not there! It’s hard to hold back the tears when it happens.

With the second anniversary of her death approaching, I’ve come across a new emotion - paranoia. I get scared that everyone will forget her, so I must keep her memory alive. Yes, it’s ridiculous, I haven’t forgotten my late cat, so how am I going to forget about my wife? Since I grew up Catholic, I’ve got a handy solution. The Church has saint feast days, normally celebrated on the anniversary of the saint’s death. I’ve set aside the anniversary of my wife’s death to go to the places we spent together, the church where we were married, and the park where we shared our first kiss. Since her death was right before Christmas, it allows me to get my grieving out of the way and enjoy Christmas.

Online or not, I think the best way to deal with grieving is through the memories and the shrines we create from those memories. No, she’s not there. But she was, and a part of her is with me here.

Jim, I think of her sometimes, too. She was the first passing that really hit me on EP/SW. When my friend J died, I was incredibly sad. I never met him, only talked to him online. And after I talked to other women who talked to him as well, I think I got the best version of him! They are not friends in the flesh but they are friends in heart and soul. I can't explain it but it's true.

It is hard to explain.

I am glad to see you came to visit us here on ILIASM.

The hardest thing is I has a cyber friend who was very close, living in Italy. I dare not contact her as my wife would flip