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Post by baza on May 16, 2018 0:31:08 GMT -5
In my jurisdiction, I have a Mastercard with a credit limit.
It is a great arrangement, allowing me to rack up all sorts of things during a month, and as long as I pay it by the due date, all is well for me, although I guess the bank aren't that enthralled about it.
What the bank DOES like, is for me to rack up a heap of debt on it, and then just make the minimum payment, because then, they can hit me up interest (at a rate of app 21% per annum) and also hit me with other charges they manage to dream up. That's good for the bank, but it does not thrill me too much.
Here it is in action.
I've racked up app $3,500 up to 10 May 2018. It is due for payment on 4 June 2018.
I can -
(a) - pay the $3,500 by 4 June.
(b) - pay off as much as I can as soon as I can
(c) - make the minimum payment by 4 June 2018
Choice (a) gets me out of debt and draws no additional penalty.
Choice (b) reduces my debt, but it will cost me. Say I paid it off at $ 180 a month. That would take me 2 years to pay it off, by which time I'd have accrued an additional interest cost of $ 827 on top of the $3,500 I owed. Total $4,327.
Choice (c) is a doozy...if I just keep paying off the minimum of $ 72 per month, it will take me 52 years to pay off at which time I will have attracted a further $21,181 in interest, plus the $3,500 I already owed. Total $24,681 !!!!
On the upside, I'd be about 110 years old by then.
It reminds me very much of an ILIASM shithole.
It is like debt.
If you don't manage it, it can readily spin out of control on you, and, at a tremendous cost to you.
If you can get out of your ILIASM deal now, then you'd best do it, and take the short term hit.
If you can't get out now, then the best thing you can do is knuckle down and pay it down as quick as you can, and get out as soon as you can.
If you choose to keep making the minimum payment, you are going to be on the hook "forever".
The credit limit on the card is like your tolerance level of your ILIASM deal.
The interest rate on the card is like the pain and emotional turmoil elements of your ILIASM deal.
The minimum payment on the card is like remaining in the status quo of your ILIASM deal.
If I was giving you financial advice (which I am NOT, I am merely making an observation) I would observe that getting rid of your high interest debt is very likely to be an enhancement to your financial life. And that the short term pain you might have to go through to achieve this is well worth while if you take a longer term view of the situation.
And I see the principles involved as being very much like an ILIASM shithole.
You have been - and are going to - pay the pain price one way or another.
Do it now, and be done with it ?
Spin it out over a few more years ?
Spin it out over a lot more years ?
The price keeps going up.
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Post by flounder on May 16, 2018 5:03:32 GMT -5
You are the Dalai Lama of this board.
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Post by h on May 16, 2018 5:08:27 GMT -5
The wise and powerful Wizard Baz
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Post by flounder on May 16, 2018 5:51:21 GMT -5
The wonderful Wizard of Baz !
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Post by ironhamster on May 17, 2018 11:19:45 GMT -5
As I was packing this week, I came across the receipt for the wedding ring I purchased. Roughly $2000, the down payment for the marriage. If I had cut my losses then, that is what I would have lost. A year later, double that. The ring plus attorney fees for an annulment. Now, after twenty-four years of marriage, my total will be north of half a million dollars. I do not see the fairness in that, but that is the best deal I can cut, for a woman that had no interest in intimacy and spent every dollar I brought home.
My advice to anyone new is for them to ask themselves in earnest, is this the kind of marriage I want? If not, the marriage is already failing. If you stay, it is still failing. A divorce only acknowledges that fact, and the sooner it comes the less expensive it is.
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Post by WindSister on May 17, 2018 11:39:39 GMT -5
My husband and I handle debt that same way. We use credit cards to help us with big purchases (we especially love those new card offers with Zero interest for so many months). We just do not believe in paying interest and pay off the debt before that kicks in. What we can do with our meager salaries astounds me and I owe that to my genius husband.  My brother, who literally earns twice as much as us, is drowning in debt and complaining about money all the time. It floors me. Meanwhile, our house is nicer, cleaner, homier, we have fun toys, we do fun things. And, yes, what a great analogy to bring into our personal lives. I find since my divorce, I am quicker to make a move when I am unhappy. And it's not just "chasing happiness," either. It's knowing my worth and the fact that life is short. I won't stay in a shitty relationship, job, house, town, etc. I like that about myself, now. Pain may be interest, but so is the ticking away of years. Which one do you want to pay? Also, I find living through pain makes me a better person. I am not as afraid of it as I once was, thus, I am willing to take risks. |
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Post by WindSister on May 17, 2018 12:22:38 GMT -5
And, just like money woes, some people just prefer to complain about a shitty relationship instead of actually do anything about it.
Yes, I said it.
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Post by northstarmom on May 17, 2018 12:49:16 GMT -5
“And, just like money woes, some people just prefer to complain about a shitty relationship instead of actually do anything about it.
Yes, I said it. “
Which is why I support starting a forum for those who just want to vent. They can vent all they want and the rest of us would know not to waste out time offering resources and advice.
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Post by ironhamster on May 17, 2018 15:01:24 GMT -5
...I find since my divorce, I am quicker to make a move when I am unhappy. And it's not just "chasing happiness," either. It's knowing my worth and the fact that life is short. I won't stay in a shitty relationship, job, house, town, etc. I like that about myself, now. I think that is a very likeable trait. As I was making my final rounds at work last week, one of my coworkers commented on that sort of thing. He said he knew a lot of people that complained about whatever bad situation they were in, but I was the only one doing anything about it. |
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Post by WindSister on May 17, 2018 15:58:59 GMT -5
“And, just like money woes, some people just prefer to complain about a shitty relationship instead of actually do anything about it. Yes, I said it. “ Which is why I support starting a forum for those who just want to vent. They can vent all they want and the rest of us would know not to waste out time offering resources and advice. The "No advise Needed" Forum. I feel a little bad saying that and I know I went through my "venting" phases in life, too. So I am not "judging," but it is truth. I learned from my own life experiences and now if I hear myself complaining or "venting" I take a hard look and start making some of those hard changes. It pays off. It really does. It might not always lead to a "new" job or "new" relationship, etc. But to just complain, complain, complain and not really do anything (for decades upon decades) is such a waste of life. |
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Post by saarinista on May 17, 2018 16:57:43 GMT -5
“And, just like money woes, some people just prefer to complain about a shitty relationship instead of actually do anything about it. Yes, I said it. “ Which is why I support starting a forum for those who just want to vent. They can vent all they want and the rest of us would know not to waste out time offering resources and advice. Or perhaps it should be a sub-forum of this forum. I definitely would support that too . Personally I think we really need that because I suspect this forum may prematurely push some people away given that many of us pretty adamant that a sexless marriage can't be changed. Don't get me wrong: I'd pretty much agree with that viewpoint in the vast majority of cases I think it's well and good to be honest. But, not everybody's ready for that honesty. Yet they still need a place to come and gripe until they perhaps talk their way through their confusion. that way, they wouldn't be driven away totally from this forum by the hard truth- at least the hard truth as most of us see it or have discovered. Later on, if they decide they're ready to act on their SM, they could post with the rest of us regarding the mechanics of actually divorcing. |
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Post by DryCreek on May 18, 2018 1:59:20 GMT -5
My husband and I handle debt that same way. We use credit cards to help us with big purchases (we especially love those new card offers with Zero interest for so many months). We just do not believe in paying interest and pay off the debt before that kicks in. What we can do with our meager salaries astounds me and I owe that to my genius husband. My brother, who literally earns twice as much as us, is drowning in debt and complaining about money all the time. It floors me. Meanwhile, our house is nicer, cleaner, homier, we have fun toys, we do fun things. I'll share the soapbox with you. Compounding interest is smothering people who can't resist immediate gratification and buy on credit instead of saving and paying cash - and that's most people. It's really hard to get out from under it. (Plug here for Dave Ramsey's philosophy on money.) Even on a mortgage with a great rate, you'll pay 2.5x+ the price of the house by the time you payoff the mortgage. That's a shitload of toys. But yeah, back to baza's metaphor, the compounding 'debt' makes SM so much harder to undo if it's not nipped early. 20-30 years in, holy crap it's hard to take action. |
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Post by choosinghappy on May 18, 2018 12:25:19 GMT -5
But yeah, back to baza 's metaphor, the compounding 'debt' makes SM so much harder to undo if it's not nipped early. 20-30 years in, holy crap it's hard to take action. ^^This is something I've taken to heart being on this forum. As one of the younger members here in my mid-30s, it has been invaluable to receive feedback from others who were in a similar situation to mine when they were my age, but chose to stay. And are still unhappy. I don't want that for myself and it has helped me make the hard decision to leave my SM. I am sure that I will end up being forever grateful for that. |
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Post by choosinghappy on May 18, 2018 12:26:37 GMT -5
I find since my divorce, I am quicker to make a move when I am unhappy. And it's not just "chasing happiness," either. It's knowing my worth and the fact that life is short. I won't stay in a shitty relationship, job, house, town, etc. I like that about myself, now. Pain may be interest, but so is the ticking away of years. Which one do you want to pay? Also, I find living through pain makes me a better person. I am not as afraid of it as I once was, thus, I am willing to take risks. Wise words @windsister ! I like that about myself too, and feel stronger as a result. |
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lonelycat
New Member
Posts: 19 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by lonelycat on May 9, 2021 7:13:46 GMT -5
You are the Dalai Lama of this board. I like this analogy; it is a logical approach for handling ILIASM. I would like to suggest one more factor to take in consideration when making a decision, something that is often overlooked in decision-making: “Opportunity Cost”. The verbatim definition of Opportunity Cost: the loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen. Can you put a price on the best forgone option? Can you put a price on the chosen option?
In your credit card example, how much profit could the $3,500 generate? What are the odds that $3,500 will yield $24,681 in 52 years? A) You chose to pay off the debt right away, your opportunity cost is $3,500 PLUS the gain if you were to use the money in any. That means you do not have the $3,500 available to invest in other opportunities. That is it! You lost the opportunity to invest $3,500 in stocks or even cryptocurrency. B) If you decide to pay the minimum amount and freeing up $3,320 of available funds to invest in whatever you fancy. Once again, $3,320 is all you have and this is once in a lifetime opportunity to make the investment, which by the way is a roll of dice. You could lose money in the investment and still have your credit card debt to pay. In terms of marriage (once again): Can you put a price on the best forgone option? Can you put a price on the chosen option? What is the price tag of staying in ILIASM shithole? In my case, the price I pay is insecurity, low self-esteem, and depression. I have engaged in self-destructive behaviors because I really did not care about my well-being anymore, with help I was able to break the cycle. The fact that for the rest of my life I will never have sex or intimacy again. What are the odds that staying in ILIASM will yield happiness?
What is the price tag of leaving ILIASM shithole? I have been thinking about the opportunity cost of ILIASM. I concluded that my biggest opportunity cost is time. Whatever costs/loss I may incur leaving I am still young, I have time to recover from it. It has been four years of misery; I was barely 37 years old when my husband became impotent. I cannot put a price on the time I lost, I cannot put a price on the sadness and emptiness my life has become. I wonder if I will be able to recover from the psychological damage, the rejection, the enviousness of other “normal” couples and the list of maladies goes on. What are the odds that leaving ILIASM will yield happiness?
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My brother, who literally earns twice as much as us, is drowning in debt and complaining about money all the time. It floors me. Meanwhile, our house is nicer, cleaner, homier, we have fun toys, we do fun things. 
