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Post by saarinista on Dec 7, 2018 3:06:01 GMT -5
Maybe you guys don't like one another and the sexlessness is just a result of your discord. Our love for one another is deep.... Like Tony Manero and Stephanie Mangano....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNWwdctlMW8&list=PLrAsciZO7aVv-88ho-9CDfooU2ahy5RNK&index=32 well, does that mean you don't end up together? because they didn't. . |
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Post by lwoetin on Dec 9, 2018 0:28:20 GMT -5
Our love for one another is deep.... Like Tony Manero and Stephanie Mangano....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNWwdctlMW8&list=PLrAsciZO7aVv-88ho-9CDfooU2ahy5RNK&index=32 well, does that mean you don't end up together? because they didn't. . I should watch the movie instead of youtube clips...And I picked it up from the library a few days ago. You actually remembered the movie, must be a classic. I hope we end up together. That would be ideal. |
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Post by saarinista on Dec 14, 2018 11:37:02 GMT -5
I actually reviewed Saturday night fever for my high school newspaper.I went to a parochial high school so not sure how I got awy with it.😁 but it's a good movie beyond the dancing, albeit fairly racy for 1978.
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Post by nyctos on Dec 14, 2018 18:27:22 GMT -5
But if she is not enjoying sex or feels coerced I can guarantee it will not be good for her bp. And do you want medicinal sex? Don't you prefer to be wanted? This is why I really can't understand people who go to prostitutes...even with years of drought I can't imagine it. |
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Post by lwoetin on Dec 16, 2018 3:29:54 GMT -5
I actually reviewed Saturday night fever for my high school newspaper.I went to a parochial high school so not sure how I got awy with it.😁 but it's a good movie beyond the dancing, albeit fairly racy for 1978. I'm glad you didn't get booted out of the parochial school. I saw nudity and underwear scenes in Youtube clips! Besides the dancing, I like the soundtrack too. I prefer mellow sounds. My W prefers a harder sound. I'm driving her to a BMTH concert in Atlanta in January. She doesn't want me to go with her in the concert though because I don't really care for her band. I told her I'd still have fun attending. She's kinda difficult at times. I was at a Christmas party in church last night...dinner, caroling and dancing (it felt like Saturday Night Fever). My wife didn't care to go. Not sure what direction we are heading. But main thing is we talk openly and honestly.and wewbwb. |
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Post by fredackerman on Jul 26, 2019 19:34:42 GMT -5
i "recovered" by going on anti-depressants. killed much of my over-active libido. over-active is probably 2/week to be happy, once go be content. over-active as seen by wifie is anytime............
not sure what starfish love is but i think i get it - flat on back and don't move...... 
most serious dark thoughts being supressed by the drug but i long for some affection and get that only as a "donation"
would embark on an affair but my age is against me - senior guys, even good-looking ones like me LOL have it a bit tough
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Post by Handy on Jul 26, 2019 23:31:29 GMT -5
fredackerman
..... but my age is against me..... Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. It depends on the woman you might meet. More than age being against you is you are currently married and many women don't want to get much going with a married guy unless you are a lot of fun and have lots on money to spend. A not broke but limited money and limited time to be with another woman puts the chill on potential side relationships. That is OK, so keep posting fredackerman . We are a friendly and understanding group.
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Post by frednsa on Oct 27, 2019 16:18:43 GMT -5
Well, there ya go. First post, and a claimed turnaround. That'll make you #6 or thereabouts Brother jamesbonding . 6 out of 1,212 - or about 00.50% - or about 1 in 202. married a half-century. i'm still horny. have had "temporary surges in her "willingness" but it all seemed like donations. trapped, i guess. love her but her frigidity is depressing. went on an ssri and it did help my depression greatly and did reduce my emotional libido but not my intellectual desire. odd, huh ? posted a query regarding anyone who had hope and made ANY progress..... |
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 11, 2019 3:12:26 GMT -5
Well, there ya go. First post, and a claimed turnaround. That'll make you #6 or thereabouts Brother jamesbonding . 6 out of 1,212 - or about 00.50% - or about 1 in 202. married a half-century. i'm still horny. have had "temporary surges in her "willingness" but it all seemed like donations. trapped, i guess. love her but her frigidity is depressing. went on an ssri and it did help my depression greatly and did reduce my emotional libido but not my intellectual desire. odd, huh ? posted a query regarding anyone who had hope and made ANY progress..... My only real hope came in outsourcing. I have a 74 year old friend whose wife lost interest. She suggested he go find other women that were still interested. She has no interest in divorcing him, either. At his age, sexually active women outnumber men. Perhaps your wife would be so open minded. You could suggest such an arrangement over a nice dinner. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 11, 2019 6:17:52 GMT -5
But if she is not enjoying sex or feels coerced I can guarantee it will not be good for her bp. And do you want medicinal sex? Don't you prefer to be wanted? This is why I really can't understand people who go to prostitutes...even with years of drought I can't imagine it. No go on the pros huh? Consider this explaination...You're hungry, you really want a nice T-bone steak. But there are non in the frig. So you go to the grocery store. Surprise, they have no T-bones. There isn't a T-bone to be found anywhere. So you are still hungry? Rather than starve you decide to buy some hamburger. Not what you really really wanted, but after having the burger you aren't nearly so hungry anymore. |
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Post by nyctos on Nov 24, 2019 16:03:12 GMT -5
This is why I really can't understand people who go to prostitutes...even with years of drought I can't imagine it. No go on the pros huh? Consider this explaination...You're hungry, you really want a nice T-bone steak. But there are non in the frig. So you go to the grocery store. Surprise, they have no T-bones. There isn't a T-bone to be found anywhere. So you are still hungry? Rather than starve you decide to buy some hamburger. Not what you really really wanted, but after having the burger you aren't nearly so hungry anymore. I don't know, it just doesn't feel like a burger either. It would feel more like eating celery when I wanted a steak. I don't knock anyone who does go that route, I just can't enjoy sex without some sort of emotional connection. Incidentally, my spouse said I could go out and cheat on her if I wanted as long as I didn't use money. For her, economic cheating is the only form of cheating,apparently. And she has a black-belt in bookkeeping (that's closer to the truth than you might think). |
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Post by Apocrypha on Dec 2, 2019 12:43:19 GMT -5
No go on the pros huh? Consider this explaination...You're hungry, you really want a nice T-bone steak. But there are non in the frig. So you go to the grocery store. Surprise, they have no T-bones. There isn't a T-bone to be found anywhere. So you are still hungry? Rather than starve you decide to buy some hamburger. Not what you really really wanted, but after having the burger you aren't nearly so hungry anymore. I don't know, it just doesn't feel like a burger either. It would feel more like eating celery when I wanted a steak. I don't knock anyone who does go that route, I just can't enjoy sex without some sort of emotional connection. Incidentally, my spouse said I could go out and cheat on her if I wanted as long as I didn't use money. For her, economic cheating is the only form of cheating,apparently. And she has a black-belt in bookkeeping (that's closer to the truth than you might think). In my lived experience and observation, when a spouse tells you that you can go out and cheat, they are projecting and trying to equalize the guilt and stakes in their own infidelity. They are either building out a framework to legitimize what they are considering doing, or (more likely) they are trying to legitimize what they've already done/are doing. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 5, 2020 5:12:49 GMT -5
I invite others who have turned their marriages around to post on this thread, so we can have all the turnaround stories in one thread. This could be a resource for others who want to go for a turnaround. What were the key actions you took that enabled the turnaround? What was the aftermath? How do you feel about your marriage situation now? I'd also welcome people who are partway into a turnaround but not yet sure it will last (e.g. @shynjdude ), and people who have made other major turnarounds in their marriages (such as greatly increasing sex frequency, or turning a hostile relationship into a pleasant one) to post a summary here. If your situation changes, you can always come back and edit your summary. I was searching for topics relevant to a new thread I plan to start if I don't find an existing one and this title popped out at me. I'm currently in a reset since November of 2019 that seems to provide high quality, engaged intimacy where my wife is the initiator pretty much every single time. The sessions have been occurring every three weeks or less. The lack of frequency is partially mitigated by her active role in our coupling. I wanted to offer a ray of hope to others and bump this thread. Foranyone curious, more details of my situation are covered at the Introduce Yourself thread: iliasm.org/thread/2/introduce?page=48&scrollTo=130031In every recovery post I remember, credible divorce threats are what caused lasting resets/recoveries. Nothing less worked. In my case, all I did was credibly threaten monogamy. I started dating on OKcupid and she reset. She had also seen a therapist who I suspect talked some sense into her, so a threat to monogamy by itself may be inadequate. YMMV. |
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Post by blueguy on Aug 5, 2020 13:29:48 GMT -5
I wish I could define sexless as less than once a week! We often go months at a time before either she feels guilty and asks me if I want to do it, or I cave and ask her. It's always starfish sex too, with her needing lube in order to get to where it doesn't hurt. I know I'm not big either.  No oral, and as soon as we are done she immediately goes to clean up. I am not allowed to finish on her because she finds my stuff gross. That would also explain the no oral as well as she puts it, it's gross to put her mouth on something I pee with, even though I've offered several times to take a quick shower or even wear a condom. I haven't had a BJ in over 19 years. She rarely ever wants to even touch me down there. How's that for a confidence killer right there? |
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Post by lwoetin on Aug 6, 2020 0:31:24 GMT -5
I was searching for topics relevant to a new thread I plan to start if I don't find an existing one and this title popped out at me. I'm currently in a reset since November of 2019 that seems to provide high quality, engaged intimacy where my wife is the initiator pretty much every single time. The sessions have been occurring every three weeks or less. The lack of frequency is partially mitigated by her active role in our coupling. I wanted to offer a ray of hope to others and bump this thread. Foranyone curious, more details of my situation are covered at the Introduce Yourself thread: iliasm.org/thread/2/introduce?page=48&scrollTo=130031In every recovery post I remember, credible divorce threats are what caused lasting resets/recoveries. Nothing less worked. In my case, all I did was credibly threaten monogamy. I started dating on OKcupid and she reset. She had also seen a therapist who I suspect talked some sense into her, so a threat to monogamy by itself may be inadequate. YMMV. It's great to hear that you are getting high quality, engaged intimacy back in your marriage. It seems you have only threatened monogamy and started dating. But you haven't really "cheated", right? What has kept you from having intimacy with your dates? I would think that if your wife finds that you have had sexual relationship with someone else, it would be difficult for your marriage to recover. I think your approach of threatening monogamy instead of divorce makes sense. I don't want to divorce so it wouldn't be credible especially for me. There is a service in Japan, the wakaresaseya industry, that assists in either ending a marriage or helping it survive. Marriage requires a lot of help. www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20200731-the-saboteurs-you-can-hire-to-end-your-relationship |
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