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Post by lessingham on May 30, 2019 15:50:57 GMT -5
It's been a while, giving me time to think and for life to deliver its surprises. My wife's tests showed need for surgery and we are awaiting a date. I know some could leave but help as a friend, but that is not me. I choose to stay and help her through this. All bets are off until we are on the other side of the operation and recovery. I have chosen to stay, an informed not a forced choice.
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Post by isthisit on May 30, 2019 15:58:32 GMT -5
Lovely to see you back lessingham, although I am very sorry to hear the news about your W's need for surgical intervention. Best wishes to both of you at this challenging time. It would be lovely if you could keep us updated when you're able on how both of you are getting by. Try to care care of yourself where you can. |
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Post by baza on May 30, 2019 20:29:31 GMT -5
It's been a while, giving me time to think and for life to deliver its surprises. My wife's tests showed need for surgery and we are awaiting a date. I know some could leave but help as a friend, but that is not me. I choose to stay and help her through this. All bets are off until we are on the other side of the operation and recovery. I have chosen to stay, an informed not a forced choice. I reckon that if I was in the same position as you describe, my short term choice would be the same as yours Brother lessingham . Besides, if the surgery is pretty imminent, your preparations to leave (if that's the way you are heading) are probably are not advanced enough to put in to action anyway. |
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Post by northstarmom on May 31, 2019 6:42:44 GMT -5
If this had happened when I was with my h, I would have stayed, too. If his illness had resulted in his needing a caregiver, I would have been his caregiver. As a result, my life would have ended up like my mother’s. She and my dad stayed in a miserable sm that ended only after my dad died after a series of strokes that left him partly paralyzed and incontinent. She was his caregiver to the end.
Lessingham, stop reading now. The rest is for others who aren’t in your difficult situation.
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This is why if you plan to leave, expedite your plans to get out. You do not have unlimited time. Wait and you may not have an ethical leaving option.
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Post by angeleyes65 on May 31, 2019 22:18:41 GMT -5
@ Northstarmom..also our health isn't guaranteed. I told my ex I was leaving in Dec 2017 wasn't actually moving out until June. In Feb I had a stroke. He thought I would stay after that. But I was even more determined. Life is too short.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 2, 2019 11:51:54 GMT -5
Very true, Angeleyes.
The thought of my becoming incapacitated and having my h be my caretaker and making decisions for me also inspired my exit.
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Dark wings
Jun 16, 2019 16:19:47 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Jun 16, 2019 16:19:47 GMT -5
The side of socialised medicine they rarely talk about. The doc wants another test before he operates. There is an eight week wait for the test, another two months of limbo crap before the test and before he decides to operate, and then the wait for that!
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Post by lessingham on Jul 2, 2019 2:42:17 GMT -5
Finding it hard. I took the decision to shove the sexless issue on the back burner until her health is restored. But the wait for the operation is sapping us both. She descends into passive apathy anf I try to be as supportive as possible with my nailed on smile. I have dreams of her not making it, stupid really but frightening.
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Post by isthisit on Jul 2, 2019 3:48:07 GMT -5
Finding it hard. I took the decision to shove the sexless issue on the back burner until her health is restored. But the wait for the operation is sapping us both. She descends into passive apathy anf I try to be as supportive as possible with my nailed on smile. I have dreams of her not making it, stupid really but frightening. Worry not lessingham such thoughts are very common and well established in academic literature, as is the guilt for them you describe. These thoughts are normal and do not reflect anything negative about your underlying feelings for your wife. It’s a hard and bumpy road for you both, try to be kind to yourself when you can. |
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Post by elynne on Jul 3, 2019 3:15:17 GMT -5
Two recent deaths have shaken me. One was my room mate from university. He was so golden as a youth and he died mid 60s.the first of my college demographic. Today an old work colleague, we grumbled and moaned our way through 30 years of work together. He died this morning. He never recovered from his son dying, I know heaven will have to wait as they have bunked off to go fishing together again. Life runs in cycles. Your mates go to college, your family is all weddings and kids and you bury your parents. But then tbe bright eyed companions of your youth take a bow and vanish. I feel the cold wings of death a little tonight This was beautifully written. I’m so sorry for your losses. I think when we lose someone who is very dear it leaves a little hole in our hearts. As much as it hurts, I hope at the end my heart is like a big sponge: proof that I’ve loved a lot. |
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Post by lessingham on Jul 17, 2019 3:49:41 GMT -5
Finally we have the operation date. 23 September!!!!!!!!!! That is all of 2019 screwed. She started this in January. We had to wait and see, then wait for thectests, then wait for a consultant, then wait for more tests and now a ten week wait for the operation.
It is killing us, this long drawn out waiting, as if no one in the medical world gives a flying shit.
This started just after we returned from Oregon. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better if it had been in America as the impression I get is things move faster over there. (and screw the costs, let the travel insurance pay).
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Dark wings
Sept 23, 2019 10:12:49 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Sept 23, 2019 10:12:49 GMT -5
The day of the operation and it was a long wait. We had to be at the hospital for 7:30am. She finally began being prepped at 1:15pm after over five hours of sitting in a waiting room. Then the operation begsn at 2pm and I must wait until 5:30 for any news. Hopefully all will go well. It is the waiting that gets you.
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Post by isthisit on Sept 23, 2019 11:18:10 GMT -5
The day of the operation and it was a long wait. We had to be at the hospital for 7:30am. She finally began being prepped at 1:15pm after over five hours of sitting in a waiting room. Then the operation begsn at 2pm and I must wait until 5:30 for any news. Hopefully all will go well. It is the waiting that gets you. I wish you and your wife well lessingham . There may be delays when they can safely be taken, but fear not, when it matters the NHS is responsive, safe and competent. |
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Post by lessingham on Sept 23, 2019 14:47:40 GMT -5
All went well and all is well.
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Post by Handy on Sept 23, 2019 15:32:18 GMT -5
Lessingham
All went well and all is well.
That is good news. I suppose your W needs some form of recuperation time so what is planned so she feels better?
Did all this influence you to do anything different?
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