cobweb
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by cobweb on Jul 25, 2019 4:09:51 GMT -5
I think that the whole time I played along with the pretense of a happy marriage, he was able to tell himself all was OK. When I finally realised nothing was ever likely to change I asked him to stop pecking me on the lips every five minutes and started getting changed in the bathroom. He finally woke up to the reality that ours is not a happy marriage in any shape or form. Up til then he had been kidding himself. The constant pecks was really important to him in building the pretense of a happy marriage and it clearly shook him to the core when I stopped it. I won't allow him to hide behind the facade any longer and I feel stronger and more in control of the situation since.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 25, 2019 14:21:01 GMT -5
I think that the whole time I played along with the pretense of a happy marriage, he was able to tell himself all was OK. When I finally realised nothing was ever likely to change I asked him to stop pecking me on the lips every five minutes and started getting changed in the bathroom. He finally woke up to the reality that ours is not a happy marriage in any shape or form. Up til then he had been kidding himself. The constant pecks was really important to him in building the pretense of a happy marriage and it clearly shook him to the core when I stopped it. I won't allow him to hide behind the facade any longer and I feel stronger and more in control of the situation since. Good for you in setting boundaries!! He doesn’t get to have the marriage he wants if you don’t get the marriage you want!!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 25, 2019 16:33:20 GMT -5
If she/he *always* gets what they want, when do you get what you want?
If she/ he expects you to * always* put them first, who's putting you first?
When do you get to matter? Do you understand that you matter? That your wants, needs, feelings, needs and fears matter just as much as your partners?
You matter!!
Start treating yourself as if you do, even if you don't quite believe it yet.
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cobweb
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by cobweb on Jul 26, 2019 5:22:24 GMT -5
If she/he *always* gets what they want, when do you get what you want? If she/ he expects you to * always* put them first, who's putting you first? When do you get to matter? Do you understand that you matter? That your wants, needs, feelings, needs and fears matter just as much as your partners? You matter!! Start treating yourself as if you do, even if you don't quite believe it yet. Thanks for the pep talk greatcoastal! I am learning to think of my own needs for the first time in a long time and the whole family is starting to notice that their exhausted mother/wife is just not quite so available as she always has been. She's also getting no work done as reading all the past threads on this Forum is incredibly time consuming.....
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Post by solodriver on Jul 27, 2019 11:25:05 GMT -5
I think acceptance of loving someone for who they are and how they show their love is key to staying. I have been with Mr Bballgirl for 29 years. We were married for 23 then we divorced and lived separately for 2 years. During those 2 years I learned about myself and what I wanted. I wanted my family together. I moved back to our home and today I’m not married and I’m not sexless. Divorce fixed a lot of financial problems we had. Mr Bballgirl is my best friend, he is who I want to go to the movies and dinner with. We still have young kids to take care of and enjoy activities with. I outsource with a great guy too, we are good friends and very sexually compatible, sex is so fun for us. So what I need for MYSELF I get from two different men and I’m happy. Happy Birthday bballgirl!
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 29, 2019 13:27:52 GMT -5
I think acceptance of loving someone for who they are and how they show their love is key to staying. I have been with Mr Bballgirl for 29 years. We were married for 23 then we divorced and lived separately for 2 years. During those 2 years I learned about myself and what I wanted. I wanted my family together. I moved back to our home and today I’m not married and I’m not sexless. Divorce fixed a lot of financial problems we had. Mr Bballgirl is my best friend, he is who I want to go to the movies and dinner with. We still have young kids to take care of and enjoy activities with. I outsource with a great guy too, we are good friends and very sexually compatible, sex is so fun for us. So what I need for MYSELF I get from two different men and I’m happy. Happy Birthday bballgirl! Aw thank you so much that means so much that you remembered I hope things are going well for you and you are finding some happiness:)
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