ILIASM Survivalist Guide to Valentine's Day
Jan 29, 2021 7:08:42 GMT -5
sweetplumeria, ironhamster, and 2 more like this
Post by mirrororchid on Jan 29, 2021 7:08:42 GMT -5
Copying material from a post I made last year. This is focused on refused husbands making due on this sick joke of a holiday for so many ILIASM residents. Only too happy to hear coping mechanisms for refused wives.
This is for folks who are seeking amiable co-existence due to the "college plan", impending divorce, or unilateral opening of the marriage. (secret or disclosed)
I plan to follow up with a Valentine's Day card kit with which to make sincere Valentines that express our warm feelings towards our refusers that store bought cards supremely fail at.
... what with VD being two weeks away, I hoped to share while others may wish to try some of my strategies.
Last year was the VD after my first outsourcing dates and they had distracted me from attending to my wife. Since I was fixing my chief complaint about our marriage, I felt I should be loving, honoring, and cherishing her in every other way so breaking the "forsaking all others" vow would be more necessity, and less just me bailing on everything.
My wife made it clear long ago that cards matter to her, but professional greeting cards, mostly, SUCK! Make that triple for those of us in an SM.
Hunting down a card that captures 80-90% of our relationships meaning tends to require a look at 30 cards and possibly coming up empty anyway.
We have an old copy of "Print Shop" which is software that makes stationary, business cards and....greeting cards.
(MS Word likely has similar capabilities. Happy to get help with that)
When the stores let me down, I set to work and make one.
Professional cards emphasize passion (instills guilt cuz it's one sided), utter devotion (depressing cuz it's one sided), or gob-smacking gushing about how wonderful she is. (she's got clinical depression. Being an amazing goddess just isn't realistic. It could be interpreted as a taunt.)
When I make cards, it can include something specific I do like about her. It may be a cute cartoon I found poking fun at habits married people have. And if we're having a good January, I may get inspired to write an accurate description of my warm feelings for her. VD cards are written for lovers and newlyweds. Long term marrieds need nuance and corporate America whiffs on that one (there's money to be made in toned down cards, perhaps).
Flowers - I used to get from a supermarket close by selling roses for half what other stores do. I bought two dozen, tossed the sad, broken, wilting ones, and the 16-20 I had left I split between my wife and daughters, giving the Mrs. an extra share, being as she was kind of important for the other two to be getting any at all. Lately, I go to Trader Joe's. She prefers other flowers to roses and the day is for her, anyway. Even more strapped for cash than that? Single rose. More strapped than that? Draw one in the card. Not artistic? Damn, dude, yer killing me here! Draw one on her stomach with your finger and tell her what it was when she asks. (insert derisive snort here, if applicable)
Chocolates - If she's not materialistic, and you can order in time, look at Russell Stover "Bloopers" - www.russellstover.com/assorted-bloopers--48-oz-box-0502
A very unwisely large box of quite tasty bonbons at a rock bottom price. What's the catch? It's a Forrest Gump special: You've no idea how many of each kind and which kind you'll get and there's no guide in the lid as to which chocolate has which filling. You may wish to sort them in advance. I made my own key, scribbling on the lid which top design on the chocolate matched what filling I found. That was huge fun for all four of us until my wife decided slow suicide by sugar was a bad idea. Fond memories. Gussy it up? Buy dollar store chocolates and toss the nasty strawberry creams inside and fill it with the good stuff.
Gift - None. We didn't have the cash. She wanted jewelry. I'm buying some lately thanks to her going full time recently. (my gawd what a difference!)
Dinner - I set a calendar reminder Jan 15th because restaurants tended to advertise their specials and menus starting that day.
I've been rocking Valentine's Day for about four years and the secret is to treat it like you're organizing a classroom party for a kindergarten class. You know what they'll like, it's a lot of effort, you may not get much out of it, but you do it out of love.
I began the process as a methodical, scientific takedown mission. "Card, reservation, flowers, done! The area is secure!" It's gotten less dutiful and more fun once I got good at it.
The card hunting process is such a royal pain, I look through every plausible card when I go. Grab every card that might work. Store them for future years. Look at the birthday and anniversary cards too. ONE trip, six cards. Have four ready. Funny, serious, and passionate. Something that'll almost fit, no matter how the two of you are doing that day/week/month/year.
Basically, you're assembling your own card store with nothing but good, applicable cards.
If she finds my stash, I wonder if she'll recoil at the concept of preparing for any occasion rather than being spontaneously inspired. (VD enthusiasm requires passion and that is commonly in short supply in SMs. Sorry. I'm ticking off the boxes and calling it done. Phoning it in and making it look like I busted my ass.)
This whole exercise seems cynical, but now that I have my card stash and calendar set to remind me about reservations, I go to war fully armed and the enemy (indifference) is at my mercy. I do care just a little and I can build on that with just a little will. Loving my wife well on Valentine's Day is something I do for me as well. Being a thoughtful (if a little mercenary) husband is something I do. If she's going to whiff on Valentine's Day. That's on her.
This is for folks who are seeking amiable co-existence due to the "college plan", impending divorce, or unilateral opening of the marriage. (secret or disclosed)
I plan to follow up with a Valentine's Day card kit with which to make sincere Valentines that express our warm feelings towards our refusers that store bought cards supremely fail at.
... what with VD being two weeks away, I hoped to share while others may wish to try some of my strategies.
Last year was the VD after my first outsourcing dates and they had distracted me from attending to my wife. Since I was fixing my chief complaint about our marriage, I felt I should be loving, honoring, and cherishing her in every other way so breaking the "forsaking all others" vow would be more necessity, and less just me bailing on everything.
My wife made it clear long ago that cards matter to her, but professional greeting cards, mostly, SUCK! Make that triple for those of us in an SM.
Hunting down a card that captures 80-90% of our relationships meaning tends to require a look at 30 cards and possibly coming up empty anyway.
We have an old copy of "Print Shop" which is software that makes stationary, business cards and....greeting cards.
(MS Word likely has similar capabilities. Happy to get help with that)
When the stores let me down, I set to work and make one.
Professional cards emphasize passion (instills guilt cuz it's one sided), utter devotion (depressing cuz it's one sided), or gob-smacking gushing about how wonderful she is. (she's got clinical depression. Being an amazing goddess just isn't realistic. It could be interpreted as a taunt.)
When I make cards, it can include something specific I do like about her. It may be a cute cartoon I found poking fun at habits married people have. And if we're having a good January, I may get inspired to write an accurate description of my warm feelings for her. VD cards are written for lovers and newlyweds. Long term marrieds need nuance and corporate America whiffs on that one (there's money to be made in toned down cards, perhaps).
Flowers - I used to get from a supermarket close by selling roses for half what other stores do. I bought two dozen, tossed the sad, broken, wilting ones, and the 16-20 I had left I split between my wife and daughters, giving the Mrs. an extra share, being as she was kind of important for the other two to be getting any at all. Lately, I go to Trader Joe's. She prefers other flowers to roses and the day is for her, anyway. Even more strapped for cash than that? Single rose. More strapped than that? Draw one in the card. Not artistic? Damn, dude, yer killing me here! Draw one on her stomach with your finger and tell her what it was when she asks. (insert derisive snort here, if applicable)
Chocolates - If she's not materialistic, and you can order in time, look at Russell Stover "Bloopers" - www.russellstover.com/assorted-bloopers--48-oz-box-0502
A very unwisely large box of quite tasty bonbons at a rock bottom price. What's the catch? It's a Forrest Gump special: You've no idea how many of each kind and which kind you'll get and there's no guide in the lid as to which chocolate has which filling. You may wish to sort them in advance. I made my own key, scribbling on the lid which top design on the chocolate matched what filling I found. That was huge fun for all four of us until my wife decided slow suicide by sugar was a bad idea. Fond memories. Gussy it up? Buy dollar store chocolates and toss the nasty strawberry creams inside and fill it with the good stuff.
Gift - None. We didn't have the cash. She wanted jewelry. I'm buying some lately thanks to her going full time recently. (my gawd what a difference!)
Dinner - I set a calendar reminder Jan 15th because restaurants tended to advertise their specials and menus starting that day.
I've been rocking Valentine's Day for about four years and the secret is to treat it like you're organizing a classroom party for a kindergarten class. You know what they'll like, it's a lot of effort, you may not get much out of it, but you do it out of love.
I began the process as a methodical, scientific takedown mission. "Card, reservation, flowers, done! The area is secure!" It's gotten less dutiful and more fun once I got good at it.
The card hunting process is such a royal pain, I look through every plausible card when I go. Grab every card that might work. Store them for future years. Look at the birthday and anniversary cards too. ONE trip, six cards. Have four ready. Funny, serious, and passionate. Something that'll almost fit, no matter how the two of you are doing that day/week/month/year.
Basically, you're assembling your own card store with nothing but good, applicable cards.
If she finds my stash, I wonder if she'll recoil at the concept of preparing for any occasion rather than being spontaneously inspired. (VD enthusiasm requires passion and that is commonly in short supply in SMs. Sorry. I'm ticking off the boxes and calling it done. Phoning it in and making it look like I busted my ass.)
This whole exercise seems cynical, but now that I have my card stash and calendar set to remind me about reservations, I go to war fully armed and the enemy (indifference) is at my mercy. I do care just a little and I can build on that with just a little will. Loving my wife well on Valentine's Day is something I do for me as well. Being a thoughtful (if a little mercenary) husband is something I do. If she's going to whiff on Valentine's Day. That's on her.
