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Post by allworkandnoplay on Feb 17, 2022 23:19:44 GMT -5
onempty: "I make sure I don’t touch her at all. She’s just starting to notice. We’ll eventually get into a big fight over this and we’ll talk about going to a counselor. I really don’t need to go. It’s all her. I’ve point blank have told her to no avail. It baffles me.: I'm surprised that it bothers her that you don't touch her. My refuser ex used to move away from me in his sleep if I touched him. He'd literally end up sleeping on the edge of the bed. I moved to the sofa after he said, "Excuse me and walked out," when he walked in on me changing clothes in the bedroom. I eventually moved into the former bedroom of my adult son. My refuser never said a word about what I did. I guess he was relieved. I don't understand how a fight would result from your stopping touching your wife who won't have sex with you. What's to discuss? It's a natural consequence. It seems you'd be happier if you moved out of the bedroom. It's not as if she could do anything about it except perhaps complain, but you don't have to respond. After all, you are basically just roommates.
I disengaged, stopped all of the pretense, and just treated everything matter-of-fact. There was no more touch of any kind, even incidental. STBX never complained or asked why. But she did complain if I even tried to move out of the marital bedroom. I never could figure that one out. I guess she was still somehow hanging on to some vision of what a married couple is supposed to look like on the outside.
Now that we are divorcing, I have asked her and she says she lost her feeling after I pulled away. I know this is BS because I disengaged because of her refusing (and attitude in general), but it is not something I need to argue about any longer. I'm getting out with her blessing and that is all that matters at this moment.
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onempty
Junior Member
I'm almost free...
Posts: 60
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by onempty on Feb 21, 2022 7:03:59 GMT -5
div]I disengaged, stopped all of the pretense, and just treated everything matter-of-fact. There was no more touch of any kind, even incidental. STBX never complained or asked why. But she did complain if I even tried to move out of the marital bedroom. I never could figure that one out. I guess she was still somehow hanging on to some vision of what a married couple is supposed to look like on the outside.
This sounds like us. I was leaving for work the other day and said bye. She says, “no kiss”? Really? Wtf? I’ve disengaged from my wife. She hasn’t mentioned anything about it or ask me what’s wrong like she usually does. But she expects a goodbye kiss? She’s just become irritable so it’s even now easier to stay away. I’ve always had such desire for my wife but even that is fading. The writing is definitely on the wall. Sad because it wasn’t that many months ago I thought we were the rare success story. I just don’t understand it but I’m done trying.
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 22, 2022 4:26:26 GMT -5
div]I disengaged, stopped all of the pretense, and just treated everything matter-of-fact. There was no more touch of any kind, even incidental. STBX never complained or asked why. But she did complain if I even tried to move out of the marital bedroom. I never could figure that one out. I guess she was still somehow hanging on to some vision of what a married couple is supposed to look like on the outside. This sounds like us. I was leaving for work the other day and said bye. She says, “no kiss”? Really? Wtf? I’ve disengaged from my wife. She hasn’t mentioned anything about it or ask me what’s wrong like she usually does. But she expects a goodbye kiss? She’s just become irritable so it’s even now easier to stay away. I’ve always had such desire for my wife but even that is fading. The writing is definitely on the wall. Sad because it wasn’t that many months ago I thought we were the rare success story. I just don’t understand it but I’m done trying. Kissing my wife with earnest passion was one of the perks of marriage I began giving my wife in the morning when leaving for work. She knew it couldn't lead to more, so it was very non-threatening. This was while I was exploring OKcupid to find someone with which to attend to the arousal caused when I kissed my wife with earnest passion. Not to say I'm suggesting this for you. Just want to mention it in case someone else sees your post, recognizes their own disinterest in building themselves into a frustrating lather only to spend the day at work distracted by relentless sexy thought and might find outsourcing a way to provide both spouses with what they want. (if a lover will fill the gap. It has no appeal for some.) This may be of more use before a refuser has ground their partner down to the point of indifference. |
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