Post by Apocrypha on Mar 7, 2022 9:59:42 GMT -5
To be auto-erotic is indeed sexual, but then we're exercising in semantics. The context of ILIASM is "low libido with a spouse". Whether someone is high or low libido as an auto-erotic person, is that even useful to classify?
The idea of a high libido , yet averse partner mounting their lover three times a week because their hormones are revved, yet feeling as though they'd rather be doing something else each time is surreal to me.
I'm not clear on why it seems important here, in these many examples, to insist on the terming the averse partner as "low libido". Or, "low libido with spouse".
The simplest explanation is that they aren't low libido at all; they simply lack a viable (by their measure) sexual partner.
If we cling to this low libido terminology, why not say that every person posting on ILIASM is low libido because they don't have sex with their spouse as well?
Of course they are not "low libido"; they simply lack viable sexual partners as well (in this case, a spouse that wants to have sex with them, vs a spouse whom they do not see as a sexual candidate)
I don't think this is splitting semantical hairs; I think it's an important, game-changing difference in framing the problem and shifting the responsibility of who needs to act to change the situation from a celibate stalemate. I view a "low libido" in a partner in a similar way I might view someone with a weight problem, or high cholesteral, or low blood sugar. In other words, it's a problem to be solved and possibly medicalized and formulated and my problem as a husband to endure - in sickness and in health. My sense of duty commands me to do that all day and night.
But it isn't though. The problem is that she's just not that into me for whatever reasons she has, and I can only do so much to live up to whatever promise she imagined.
The extent of my duty changes when it's not a health problem she's suffering, but simply the fact that she isn't joining me in marriage.
As for a normal libido (yet averse with their own spouse) acquiescing to occasional sex with them (certainly NOT mounting them three times a week), I'm sure most of us have tales of once-in-while couplings that happen on vacation, or out of the blue, and dissipate by the next morning when a followup is attempted, and left us confused. If the spark was there last night why not the next morning? Because of shame - for the same reason people feel uncomfortable having sex with someone they don't desire in the singles' world, because they were just horny and it was convenient.