dallasgia
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Posts: 172
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Post by dallasgia on Jul 27, 2022 7:56:49 GMT -5
Has anyone ever heard of a spouse finding this site and recognizing their life?
I’m not tech savvy - I worry about being discovered by someone too close to home. My spouse works in technology.
What precautions do some of you take to keep this group private?
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jul 27, 2022 10:08:08 GMT -5
I think there have been instances where the spouse found out about this site.
My ex is tech savvy and I managed to keep the site secret. I used a gmail account to register and used private browsing on the shared computer, and only logged in there when he was not home. Other times I'd use my phone and didn't need to worry about his seeing my online activity on it
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Post by jim44444 on Jul 27, 2022 15:54:24 GMT -5
My wife knows about this site. If she has read my postings she has not discussed them with me. I do.not go.to any great lengths to hide my online activity. I have the normal password protections but they are easy to circumvent. I try to be honest in my postings so anything I write here she has already heard me say in some conversation.
And no she is not pleased that I post here. Oh well.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 27, 2022 16:49:36 GMT -5
I recall it happened to ironhamster, and she created an account here. Another fellow had it happen and she figured out his ID by the content of his stories. He opened a new account and is still here occasionally. I don’t recall whether it blew anything up or made friction worse, but if you’ve made a solid run at this in person then nothing you share here would be a surprise to them. Seeing it in black and white described to a 3rd party can sometimes have a greater impact than hearing it directly and the issues not sinking in. Now, if you’re discussing strategy here about when you plan to file, etc, then being discovered is more of a problem. Procedurally… use Private Browsing to keep it out of your history. Don’t leave the browser window open. Use a personal device instead of a shared computer to avoid snooping. Be aware that bookmarks and open tabs sync across Apple devices; private windows don’t. Don’t share your Apple ID across devices that aren’t 100% in your control. (There are amazing stories of spouses at home with the iPad watching entire iMessage hookup conversations by a traveling spouse. Oops!) DC |
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Post by tamara68 on Jul 31, 2022 22:29:55 GMT -5
Has anyone ever heard of a spouse finding this site and recognizing their life? I’m not tech savvy - I worry about being discovered by someone too close to home. My spouse works in technology. What precautions do some of you take to keep this group private? When I still lived with my husband, he installed spyware on the computer. We had only one computer in the house, so I used my e-mail there. That way he got access to my password and find out what I was up to. Before that, I used a seperate browser for my e-mail, with the settings on not saving browser history. But that was not enough when he used spyware. I suppose you have your own devices. Still important to always lock them. Change passwords regularly. As for this group, I think it is not so likely that a spouse discovers this by pure coincidence. But to be sure, just be careful with the information you share and leave out the things that are too recognizable. |
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Post by steve1968 on Aug 2, 2022 12:35:31 GMT -5
I always use a private browser tab to access the site. And I use a second email address that is nothing like my normal one. And that email is only accessed using a private browser tab.
When I'm really feeling the need for privacy, I re-boot my PC into a Linux OS. She would never know how to do that. I don't even clear the history anymore there. The other OS - that's where I spend my sex life - jacking off to porn a few times a week. She's knows, but I go to lengths to not remind her of it. You can easily download a linux OS that'll boot from CD or USB and do your ILIASM there. Whatever spyware or whatever is installed in the existing OS will not matter.
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Post by steve1968 on Aug 2, 2022 13:00:05 GMT -5
Another option, that admittedly may be a bit inconvenient, are the public library computers. Most library directors are absolutely opposed to any tracking or blocking technology on these devices. Yes - it's a public PC, so you have to be more careful. If you have one email address that's only used for ILIASM, it would help minimize the risk.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 2, 2022 18:06:46 GMT -5
What's the worst that can happen? The refuser doesn't have sex with you? Or they are forced to confront the extremes they have sent you to?
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dallasgia
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Posts: 172
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Post by dallasgia on Aug 2, 2022 19:01:19 GMT -5
@deadzone
Thinking more about the posts regarding FWB and outsourcing and such. Things we wouldn’t want showing up in the divorce.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 2, 2022 19:08:19 GMT -5
@deadzone Thinking more about the posts regarding FWB and outsourcing and such. Things we wouldn’t want showing up in the divorce. Good point. |
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Post by h on Aug 4, 2022 7:26:42 GMT -5
I bookmarked the page on our shared computer. I do most of my posting from my tablet, but I have nothing to hide. She's heard it all directly from me and ignored it all so why would I care if she reads it online? I doubt she's even glanced at the page. Even if she did see it, she'll never out me because then she would be outing herself and she doesn't want to accept responsibility for her role in this. She wouldn't want her friends or family to know the truth about her neglect because she would no longer be able to hide behind her lies. One of her friends already found out about our SM a few years ago and scolded her multiple times for how she treats me after all the things I do (did) for her. W was furious at me for letting it slip but her friend took my side and called her out. I know my W is afraid of everyone else finding out.
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 20, 2022 19:57:03 GMT -5
I had some clear and concise quotes, which I used in "The Talk". I am sure shari Googled those quotes, found this, posted once that she couldn't believe she found this place, then shuffled off never to log in again. As you can see by my profile pic, I don't hide. I like that rare thing we call "truth", and she didn't have anything more to say because folks like us are flushing out the crap of people like her. |
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 20, 2022 20:14:05 GMT -5
@deadzone Thinking more about the posts regarding FWB and outsourcing and such. Things we wouldn’t want showing up in the divorce. In my home state, infidelity doesn't weigh in on divorce settlements. I was straightforward with my STBX about wanting an open marriage, and was vetoed. Eventually, I overrode that veto. My AP had just posted about a trip we had taken and that she couldn't believe how much sex we had. Sadly, I will never know if my ex ever saw that or what went through her head. I think that, as unworthy as she pictured me, it would have been quite a shock to her that another woman found me desirable and capable. But, talk with your lawyer to get their input on extramarital relationships prior to divorce. Some states are strict. Some judges get personal. |
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 20, 2022 20:17:47 GMT -5
A note on secrecy. One guy at a former workplace led a secret life. He had a cell phone that never left work. On it, he was somebody else. His wife would have had trouble connecting an account on that phone with him. Food for thought.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 30, 2022 11:23:53 GMT -5
mrslowmaintenance was discovered by her spouse. She hasn't really been back since it's no longer a safe space for her to express her feelings.
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