Role Call ... who is still here?

I am no old timer here. I have only been around a year, but I am here daily. I know I would certainly appreciate seeing more traffic here, but cannot tell you how to drive that beyond asking folks that are here regularly to try and post to at least one topic a few times a week or something like that.

I am up for it.

I'd say this place has been on life support for a long time, but it's still maintained a pulse. I don't know that I see it ever returning to 2018/19 status.

I would say that we collectively create awareness by plugging IlIASM.org in other marriage/divorce/relationship/sex issues communities on the different online platforms that we may be aware of or participate in.

At a minimum, if we ran a coordinated awareness campaign over I dont know a 7 day period, I am speculating we can drive some traffic here. Things like commenting in communitites or popular blogs where sexlessness is discussed.

Thoughts???



*EDIT: if there is enough interest... a handul of people say, I can put together a rough framework of a campaign plan we can discuss and refine. Set some goals and away we go.

Well, I think certain people who knocked topics out of the park moved on...that was some of it. Other people faded out when they got out of their situations. I can't speak for others, but when I was in my SM, I just plain got tired of bitching about no sex. Also, the sexual discussions dried up, which were always a fun and spicy distraction. And, certain people showed up now and then (I'm not naming names, but they are mostly gone now) who I think kinda rubbed people the wrong way. I don't judge anyone, but some of their posts were downright disgusting, to the point where you not only avoided them, but actually understood why they never got laid, and were amazed they EVER got laid. And then...it just died out. People still come back, mostly just to check messages and bolt. That's probably all the place has to offer these days, but who knows.  

Good point, actually.
This new generation has important differences too.

They marry later.
This may reduce financial strains that may cause strife which kills the sex life.
They may choose more carefully and so have fewer complaints, partially because they dont' have as many flaws to gripe about, but because they have a frame of reference for what constitutes a deal breaker and what's an eccentricity to be ignored.

They don't marry at all
On the gents' side, the MGTOW movement is seeing the insane idea of committing to lifetime alimony if they have the horrible misfortune of being reliably, gainfully employed, potentially handing over millions if they have the misfortune of striking it rich.
Pre-nups are still anathema, so there's no escape hatch that way. If (relative or real) poverty is horrific, it's easy enough to simply never propose. Palimony lawsuits are out there, but do not seem all that common.  

On the ladies side, women are a larger portion of college and graduate school degree earners. Given the tendencies of degrees to increase earnings, they may be averse to falling in with some sluggard and a tendency to wish to "marry up" and the rather steadfast tradition of that very dynamic that inclines women to think it's perfectly reasonable to expect they can do the same not only naturally diminishes the choices for a husband, but will get worse as the average earning potential of women pulls ahead. Throw out the "gender gap" and even husband candidates in their very own profession will not earn more than they do.

Should they want to keep their options open for stay at home motherhood, they may calculate that it would be the most pleasant journey to link up with a fella who makes substantially more than they do so dropping one salary doesn't produce burdens in standard of living. Affording rent and groceries all by himself may not be a must-have, but they'll take their time settling down unless they find such a guy. Dreams have to die sometimes.

Slut shaming is so 20th century
Research I've heard about indicate sexual interest in partners wanes after 3 or 4 years for women, 10 for a man. Sexlessness can slip in before a wedding occurs. I mean, what's the hurry? Dating apps make a plethora of fellas available and playing the field will help that while "not settling" thing. If they date more than one, interest in one may slip away while the new guy stays strong. A chain of hot love affairs will eclipse the previous one, accidentally producing the lifestyle I've postulated: the dessert-first marriage. Connecting for the 3 or four years that most enflame the lady, then part as excellent friends., perhaps calling her favorite up years later proposing family building. Perhaps with an open marriage in mind where the child-rearing is the primary focus, with the nesting, cuddle love stage finally engaged in with low sex frequency evaporating to none and everyone expected that. It was part of the plan.

But we're not here for those 22nd century type people.

We're here for the ones stuck in their parents' mindset. They should marry. It's what you do. It's what their friends are doing. They want a family someday. It should be now. Sex is supposed to be temporary. Their parents never did it. (Ewwww!) Can I have a sex life until I die? Does anyone do that?

We do get our share of sexless couples who are not married, but maybe that needs to be a focus?
Do we soften it up to ILIASR?

ADDENDA:
Far fewer gay people will be seeking out spouses to blend in, so that cause of sexless marriage should factor in less.

Perhaps the porn awareness movement may be making some small dent in guys not gaining a head of steam?

Open marriage is on the upswing (apologies for the unintentional pun) so sexlessness need not be solved with divorce in all cases.

Good points made here about the folks that came from Experience Project. I wonder if that group of folks is key to the momentum tapering off here.

Not that recent arrivals here aren’t awesome people too, but EP had a different vibe and the platform seemed to foster a different level of camaraderie that would have carried over but not necessarily grown organically amongst new members.

EP had some big warts, but they also helped in some ways. For one, ILIASM was one of thousands of sub-boards there, though it quickly grew to be among the top 10 sections. We benefitted from the high-volume platform, but then also had tons of looky-loos and drive-by advice from people who didn’t comprehend our challenge. (Thus was born the references to bacon-scented candles as a cure-all.) Ah, and the predators looking for a desperate sex partner…

But I think there were also important features of the EP forum that are missing here. There were public sections for general discussions, but then everyone had the ability to post in their own forum (much like Reddit does) to have their own diary of sorts. And you could have a photo album. And I recall you could mark those diary entries and photos for public or friends-only. So, it led to more convenient friendship circles.

I don’t know that we’ll ever get features like that here. Or whether that’d make a difference. I do think that the forum struggles because it’s a “destination”, like a standalone restaurant - people end up here explicitly, not by wandering by as part of a larger site. That probably affects return visits more than their initial discovery; EP had no shortage of crazy topics to make it interesting to keep revisiting, and then drop by ILIASM while you were there. It’d probably explode as a group on Facebook for that reason if we could do it anonymously.

Anyway… analytic mode = off. I’m happy to still see many old faces drop by to visit. (And misssunnybunny’s avatar always makes me smile - I’m glad you’ve stuck with it!)

DC

There's interest.
There's little time, or there'd be more frequent episodes of *REFUSED*
I'd pitch in, but I'll be a relative slacker., fair warning.

I'd want more people to show up because it seems almost no one doesn't appreciate having found this site. (A few folks lamented the tough love message they got. Those same people had harsh words for some veterans here and a few stopped showing up much. Stopping that collateral damage might be good.)

How much traffic is of interest? What's the goal? 
What do we hope to get out of more folks showing up? What did EP provide that we miss? It may affect which efforts are pursued.