eliz75
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Posts: 24
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Post by eliz75 on Jun 1, 2023 11:00:18 GMT -5
I asked him. He didn't even hesitate, he just handed it to me and waited. I didn't look because like you said I didn't feel the need to after that. Well, I certainly didn't expect that. Me either. He has always been so attached to his phone. He wasn't angry, just here. Didn't ask why nothing. So either there is nothing there or it's hidden really well. IDK.
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Post by tesseract on Jun 1, 2023 11:23:26 GMT -5
Could be that he knows he has covered his tracks well and doesn't think you could find anything no matter how hard you look. From your story, the disappearing Viagra would be concerning for me. It didn't sound like you had asked him about this?
He's using it for something, or someone. I'm almost 45, so we are roughly the same age. Giving away another 10 years of your life for your daughter's sake is a very high price to pay. Time is our most precious commodity. Food for thought also is whether you are doing your daughter a favor by modeling a sexless marriage as normal to her or whether you are training her to be averse to touch in her own future marriage. Kids absorb these things, consciously or subconsciously.
I'm not saying to divorce him, just that I don't think you will look back fondly on your decision ten years from now if you stay just for your daughter. If you are this unhappy, the situation needs resolution one way or another and your daughter will benefit from the lesson that we have to be strong guardians of our own boundaries and needs. Kids need to know its ok to leave a relationship that has run its course and they shouldn't stay miserable for someone who doesn't want to give them what they need.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 1, 2023 19:43:33 GMT -5
When I cheated on my ex, I just felt like it wasn't me. That why be there if I wasn't invested in the marriage, I was already leaving, I could have waited. I was so starved for the right kind of attention that I started something with someone. So I guess my values, be faithful. I'm pretty sure his ex and kids, just don't want anyone else around so they can take any and all money he has. He grew a little bit of a back-bone with them when he wanted to marry me. When we were dating he had his ex wife on his car insurance. I told him we couldn't get married because he already had a wife. How would it work? I'm not helping pay her car insurance. His father had convinced him to keep her on the insurance so she could have it to drive the kids around. She was receiving child support, welfare and lived with her mom and step dad. So to marry me he had to put her as his past and not always give to her. The youngest daughter comes twice a year maybe. She isn't as bad, well wasn't. Now she is just like the oldest. It must be some type of playbook. They don't treat "our" daughter bad when they visit because I have spoken out before and told him I'd leave if they did it again. So they pretend to care about their "half" sister. They don't actually care is about appeasing daddy to get what they want from him, which is money. We've had so many conversations about his kids and their behavior. He is aware and always says but they are my kids. He is willing to keep "forgetting" because they are his kids. Which that has always been another issue. As time has gone on, we had our daughter. It has become apparent that these two girls don't have any of his similarities. There is a specific trait that him and his father have that they don't. When our daughter was born, he looked at her fingers to see if her pinky was bent/crooked like him and his fathers. It was, it's not as bad as theirs but it's evident it's there and neither of the other kids have it. They also both have jet black hair, while their father has red hair. I have black hair just like his ex and our daughter was born with red hair, pale skin. As she has grown up her hair is a dirty blonde, like his is now. He went into a sort of depression after our daughter was born. He would look at her for hours. He told me that he couldn't believe she looked so much like him because neither of his other kids favored him at all. So maybe he is compensating for that. His youngest kid was about 7 when our daughter was born. As our daughters hair came in it was super curly like my husband and his youngest said "she has nappy hair". They both have straight black hair. Once they both realized how much she favored "their" dad, the race seemed to be on to "find things they had in common". They also ramped up the alienation or attempt of it between myself and our daughter, and my husband. He is aware of how my last divorce was and it was a concern when we were talking about marriage. He told me if I no longer wanted to be with him, he wouldn't fight me. That was now 10 years ago. He will still tell me if something happens between us the house we live in will be mine and our daughters. Maybe that's so I feel secure because it's a real fear for me after my last divorce took 4 years and 20,000. We both use to drink off and on. I still have the occasional drink, mostly in social situations. He will come home and have a drink but not often. There was a time, were he was taking a drink nightly. When I asked him what was up. He said it helped him sleep better and he had less pain with his shoulder. Now he broke his shoulder at work a couple years ago. I think his friend is giving him "hemp gummies". I overheard a conversation about him going to pick them up. How often is he doing those? I have no idea. He says he doesn't like confrontation but he will get pissed at me and yell. He doesn't raise his voice to his other kids or his ex. I've only heard him yell at his ex once on the phone right after we got pregnant. Now you see why I am so confused. It's like he doesn't know who he is from day to day. Could this be some type of tactic. I use to think he was a narcist who would just love bomb me as I got pissed but it's so erratic. Here over the last couple days, he has come home smiling at me. He has rubbed my back, leg as we sit on the couch. Of course there has been nothing more but that's more than it's been for months now. He did actually listen to me about my day yesterday because he asked me and I started to tell him, he picked up his phone and started typing. So I said you aren't even listening to me so why did you ask? what did I even say? He put the phone down and at least looked at me while I was talking. So yeah our marriage isn't great, it use to be good when his demon seeds weren't around now it seems to just be blah. When his daughters do come, is it for a day, a week? The older comes six times. Is that six days, six weeks? (six months?) I'm wondering whether it would make sense to get some quality time with your daughter and be unavailable for either of you to take any abuse from his daughters. Gestures of affection, but no follow through. I'd be curious if you could express appreciation for the affection, but ask, impassionately, whether something was holding him back from a more erotic interaction. You've been angry, and anger hasn't worked. Perhaps curiosity and a readiness to accept some uncomfortable truth where you can hold a safe space for him to spill it and see whether there's a remedy. He may say "I don't know." or perhaps its insecurity about his impotence? Some signal that physical success in lovemaking is not going to be mandatory may lend itself to an attempt? (is he up for methods not involving his main instrument of lovemaking? Are you?) Would a night of heavy petting be of interest if impotence is the fear? Perhaps he's not game for other approaches?
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Post by deadzone75 on Jun 2, 2023 9:03:55 GMT -5
Well, I certainly didn't expect that. Me either. He has always been so attached to his phone. He wasn't angry, just here. Didn't ask why nothing. So either there is nothing there or it's hidden really well. IDK. It is a worry that he didn't get defensive or ask any questions. I guess it goes back to what my problem was for many years: "why" chasing. We try so hard to figure out why, when it's really irrelevant at the end of the day.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 2, 2023 9:09:01 GMT -5
Me either. He has always been so attached to his phone. He wasn't angry, just here. Didn't ask why nothing. So either there is nothing there or it's hidden really well. IDK. It is a worry that he didn't get defensive or ask any questions. I guess it goes back to what my problem was for many years: "why" chasing. We try so hard to figure out why, when it's really irrelevant at the end of the day. Some "why chasing" isn't necessarily irrelevant. If he is hiding another relationship or possibly a medical condition, that might explain his lack of interest in intimacy. Then I would say that would be some important info to know.
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eliz75
Junior Member
Posts: 24
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Post by eliz75 on Jun 5, 2023 7:17:32 GMT -5
Update. This weekend was his birthday. I wasn't going to say anything about our lack of sex. His birthday came and yes I was still angry. I can't help it, my frustration turns to anger. I gave him his card, we had errands we ran. We were talking later and I said "I was hoping that we could have this morning for your birthday but our daughter woke up extra early" "did you wake her" He said he didn't and later on told our daughter that she needed to give me a break and go watch tv. I am with our 9 year old 24/7. I homeschool and work from home. No one even takes her for an hour or anything.
The next morning, he woke early and started hugging up to me. I was like in my mind "great more teasing". He will hug up but never allow his body to touch mine below our stomach. So I just allowed the hugging, which normally after awhile I get up because I'm so frustrated that it makes me irritated. We talked a bit, nothing serious. Then he started rubbing on me and kissing me. So he made sure I was "ready" before we actually had sex. It was great and I felt better. Unfortunately when its great, I want it more often. But there was no need for medication, so does ED come and go? Or is his "ED" actually because of some type of stress or mental situation? Idk. I am trying to just be greatfull.
We were more loving once sex happened. I guess that's my downfall, if we haven't had sex in months, I can't be all lovey dovey. I am not sure who else this happens to or if its the same for others but I feel like his touch irritates my skin. Maybe it's a frustration thing.
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eliz75
Junior Member
Posts: 24
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Post by eliz75 on Jun 5, 2023 7:26:54 GMT -5
When I cheated on my ex, I just felt like it wasn't me. That why be there if I wasn't invested in the marriage, I was already leaving, I could have waited. I was so starved for the right kind of attention that I started something with someone. So I guess my values, be faithful. I'm pretty sure his ex and kids, just don't want anyone else around so they can take any and all money he has. He grew a little bit of a back-bone with them when he wanted to marry me. When we were dating he had his ex wife on his car insurance. I told him we couldn't get married because he already had a wife. How would it work? I'm not helping pay her car insurance. His father had convinced him to keep her on the insurance so she could have it to drive the kids around. She was receiving child support, welfare and lived with her mom and step dad. So to marry me he had to put her as his past and not always give to her. The youngest daughter comes twice a year maybe. She isn't as bad, well wasn't. Now she is just like the oldest. It must be some type of playbook. They don't treat "our" daughter bad when they visit because I have spoken out before and told him I'd leave if they did it again. So they pretend to care about their "half" sister. They don't actually care is about appeasing daddy to get what they want from him, which is money. We've had so many conversations about his kids and their behavior. He is aware and always says but they are my kids. He is willing to keep "forgetting" because they are his kids. Which that has always been another issue. As time has gone on, we had our daughter. It has become apparent that these two girls don't have any of his similarities. There is a specific trait that him and his father have that they don't. When our daughter was born, he looked at her fingers to see if her pinky was bent/crooked like him and his fathers. It was, it's not as bad as theirs but it's evident it's there and neither of the other kids have it. They also both have jet black hair, while their father has red hair. I have black hair just like his ex and our daughter was born with red hair, pale skin. As she has grown up her hair is a dirty blonde, like his is now. He went into a sort of depression after our daughter was born. He would look at her for hours. He told me that he couldn't believe she looked so much like him because neither of his other kids favored him at all. So maybe he is compensating for that. His youngest kid was about 7 when our daughter was born. As our daughters hair came in it was super curly like my husband and his youngest said "she has nappy hair". They both have straight black hair. Once they both realized how much she favored "their" dad, the race seemed to be on to "find things they had in common". They also ramped up the alienation or attempt of it between myself and our daughter, and my husband. He is aware of how my last divorce was and it was a concern when we were talking about marriage. He told me if I no longer wanted to be with him, he wouldn't fight me. That was now 10 years ago. He will still tell me if something happens between us the house we live in will be mine and our daughters. Maybe that's so I feel secure because it's a real fear for me after my last divorce took 4 years and 20,000. We both use to drink off and on. I still have the occasional drink, mostly in social situations. He will come home and have a drink but not often. There was a time, were he was taking a drink nightly. When I asked him what was up. He said it helped him sleep better and he had less pain with his shoulder. Now he broke his shoulder at work a couple years ago. I think his friend is giving him "hemp gummies". I overheard a conversation about him going to pick them up. How often is he doing those? I have no idea. He says he doesn't like confrontation but he will get pissed at me and yell. He doesn't raise his voice to his other kids or his ex. I've only heard him yell at his ex once on the phone right after we got pregnant. Now you see why I am so confused. It's like he doesn't know who he is from day to day. Could this be some type of tactic. I use to think he was a narcist who would just love bomb me as I got pissed but it's so erratic. Here over the last couple days, he has come home smiling at me. He has rubbed my back, leg as we sit on the couch. Of course there has been nothing more but that's more than it's been for months now. He did actually listen to me about my day yesterday because he asked me and I started to tell him, he picked up his phone and started typing. So I said you aren't even listening to me so why did you ask? what did I even say? He put the phone down and at least looked at me while I was talking. So yeah our marriage isn't great, it use to be good when his demon seeds weren't around now it seems to just be blah. When his daughters do come, is it for a day, a week? The older comes six times. Is that six days, six weeks? (six months?) I'm wondering whether it would make sense to get some quality time with your daughter and be unavailable for either of you to take any abuse from his daughters. Gestures of affection, but no follow through. I'd be curious if you could express appreciation for the affection, but ask, impassionately, whether something was holding him back from a more erotic interaction. You've been angry, and anger hasn't worked. Perhaps curiosity and a readiness to accept some uncomfortable truth where you can hold a safe space for him to spill it and see whether there's a remedy. He may say "I don't know." or perhaps its insecurity about his impotence? Some signal that physical success in lovemaking is not going to be mandatory may lend itself to an attempt? (is he up for methods not involving his main instrument of lovemaking? Are you?) Would a night of heavy petting be of interest if impotence is the fear? Perhaps he's not game for other approaches? His oldest daughter comes like 6 times a year. Her birthday is in July so my guess is she is trying to get something from him. Other times are Christmas or when she thinks we may be going on a vacation soon, so she tries to insert herself in our lives to invite herself. Unfortunately, he doesn't want me to leave when they are here. They do not stay overnight any longer so it's a day at a time, so like 10 hours at most. The youngest hasn't been here since Christmas. The oldest hadn't been until a couple months ago, when conveniently she needed him to work on her car and then she needed tires. She is 19 and until last month, hadn't had a job in over a year because it was too much to work and go to school(college). Which she now is doing on line this last year. "insert eye roll". Then her car was too bad to drive and somehow she convinced his parents to give her their old jeep cherokee. He said she was paying them but his dad let it slip "since we gave X the jeep we haven't heard from her" As far as other things, I'd be up for that but he has only used other options for foreplay. I stopped begging and asking when he said he was having ED issues. I try to not say anything at all because I know if I am putting pressure on him and it's medical its not doing either of us any good. The way I approached it this weekend was I was disappointed because our daughter woke up earlier than expected. I just wish that our "wants" were more matched these days. I fear if I never say anything, then "nothing" is what I will get. If it is a medical condition, then I am not sure how I will be able to deal. I know that sounds selfish, but at almost 48, I want to be selfish. My kids are growing up, so what will we do all the time together? I mean, thats alot of time in 8 years when our youngest is 18 (shes turning 10 this year).
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eliz75
Junior Member
Posts: 24
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Post by eliz75 on Jun 5, 2023 7:31:18 GMT -5
It is a worry that he didn't get defensive or ask any questions. I guess it goes back to what my problem was for many years: "why" chasing. We try so hard to figure out why, when it's really irrelevant at the end of the day. Some "why chasing" isn't necessarily irrelevant. If he is hiding another relationship or possibly a medical condition, that might explain his lack of interest in intimacy. Then I would say that would be some important info to know. His DR did prescribe the pills but he hasn't used them with me but a couple times. I was counting them but they disappeared. I know stress can lead to physical issues and during the time he was diagnosed he was complaining about stress at work. I can't find another relationship, so either he is great at hiding it or it's not there. He swears, he loves me, he is all about me. I have given him the options of getting out. I don't want someone here who doesn't want me. I wasn't mad when I told him, if his affection for me is gone, then he can definitely tell me and he can move on. He was upset that I even said that and says if he didn't want me or to be with me he wouldn't but his actions are what I see.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 5, 2023 8:40:27 GMT -5
Some "why chasing" isn't necessarily irrelevant. If he is hiding another relationship or possibly a medical condition, that might explain his lack of interest in intimacy. Then I would say that would be some important info to know. He was upset that I even said that and says if he didn't want me or to be with me he wouldn't but his actions are what I see. When it comes to a SM one really needs to place far more weight on what one's refuser does, rather than what they say. I had a # of talks with my X about the state of our marriage and how unhappy I was with her actions and lack of addressing what I saw as detrimental to the marriage. She always seemed contrite and even apologetic about what was happening on not happening. And she said on several occasions she would try to do better and be more receptive. Unfortunately it didn't happen other than the reset sex that followed. It seems from the readings here that the only time real change comes about is when the refusing spouse looks at the calandar and sees an apointment scheduled with an attorney, or you actually show them the door. And in some cases they would rather divorce than engage in sexual activity. That was the case with my now X.
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eliz75
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Posts: 24
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Post by eliz75 on Jun 5, 2023 10:14:49 GMT -5
He was upset that I even said that and says if he didn't want me or to be with me he wouldn't but his actions are what I see. When it comes to a SM one really needs to place far more weight on what one's refuser does, rather than what they say. I had a # of talks with my X about the state of our marriage and how unhappy I was with her actions and lack of addressing what I saw as detrimental to the marriage. She always seemed contrite and even apologetic about what was happening on not happening. And she said on several occasions she would try to do better and be more receptive. Unfortunately it didn't happen other than the reset sex that followed. It seems from the readings here that the only time real change comes about is when the refusing spouse looks at the calandar and sees an apointment scheduled with an attorney, or you actually show them the door. And in some cases they would rather divorce than engage in sexual activity. That was the case with my now X. We had the talk about separating awhile ago. I haven't threatened to leave in about 5 years or so. I don't even bring that up anymore because I decided that once I make the decision to leave, if I do. I am just going to do so. So the sex this weekend was not because of a threat. He does know by the time I say something it's usually has been months. I am not sure if he truly doesn't think about it or if he isn't concerned about sex. It could be any number of things. I see that in society it's ok for women to refuse. Excuses are made, she's tired because she works, has kids, or whatever. It seems in society if a man isn't ready to screw anything within touching distance, first thing said is he is cheating, second is he isn't attracted to said women who is complaining. I think that's why women don't come out about their lack of a sexual relationship in a marriage as much. The woman is kind of made to feel like she's inadequate in some way. I am not saying these things are possible. I have been looking to see if he is cheating for 8 years. I have found no evidence, just a fear because of our lack of regular sexual contact.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 6, 2023 6:26:19 GMT -5
When his daughters do come, is it for a day, a week? The older comes six times. Is that six days, six weeks? (six months?) I'm wondering whether it would make sense to get some quality time with your daughter and be unavailable for either of you to take any abuse from his daughters. His oldest daughter comes like 6 times a year. Her birthday is in July so my guess is she is trying to get something from him. Other times are Christmas or when she thinks we may be going on a vacation soon, so she tries to insert herself in our lives to invite herself. Unfortunately, he doesn't want me to leave when they are here. They do not stay overnight any longer so it's a day at a time, so like 10 hours at most. The youngest hasn't been here since Christmas. The oldest hadn't been until a couple months ago, when conveniently she needed him to work on her car and then she needed tires. She is 19 and until last month, hadn't had a job in over a year because it was too much to work and go to school(college). Which she now is doing on line this last year. "insert eye roll". Then her car was too bad to drive and somehow she convinced his parents to give her their old jeep cherokee. He said she was paying them but his dad let it slip "since we gave X the jeep we haven't heard from her" As far as other things, I'd be up for that but he has only used other options for foreplay. I stopped begging and asking when he said he was having ED issues. I try to not say anything at all because I know if I am putting pressure on him and it's medical its not doing either of us any good. The way I approached it this weekend was I was disappointed because our daughter woke up earlier than expected. I just wish that our "wants" were more matched these days. I fear if I never say anything, then "nothing" is what I will get. If it is a medical condition, then I am not sure how I will be able to deal. I know that sounds selfish, but at almost 48, I want to be selfish. My kids are growing up, so what will we do all the time together? I mean, that's a lot of time in 8 years when our youngest is 18 (she's turning 10 this year). Congrats on the reset. Sorry to hear about the downside; wondering how long teh next session will take to arrive. Been there! My remission with Mrs. MirrorOrchid has been strange that way. She initiates every three weeks. Four at most. I think she has a calendar somewhere. Why three weeks? F*ck knows. The amount is mildly disappointing, but the reliability is really helpful. It was that "When next, Lord?" that made sex have such a miserable after-effect. So, yeah, you have lots of company on that score. Glad it was good when it got here. I don't recall you saying whether his testosterone levels are normal? Low levels will harpoon the libido. 10 hour days. Then a hotel, and again the next day? Or single day visits? Doesn't want you to leave? Interesting. Question is, are you a buffer/human shield? Or a source of moral support? Or do you demonstrate some courage he tries to unite with? Can you plan for an exit when your tolerance grows thin? Can he call the visit off early if his daughter doesn't remain civil? Do visits usually end up in some financial award. If she never shows up unless it's to get paid, perhaps hold firm on no compensation if the visit was so crappy that it was your husband and you who should have received a check. This assumes your husband loves his daughter too much to simply refuse outright to see her when she's doing it for cash. They used to stay overnight... I'm curious why they stopped. Your husband drew a line? His daughters prefer the hotel? Something else? Does foreplay for him get frustrating? Would heavy petting be unpleasant that way? Causes longing, but nothing to do about it? Perhaps just helping you out is similarly frustrating, emotionally, physically or both. It puts a different spin on it if he's sharing physical frustration. Did I ask if he was on other medication? Some affect a guy. Blood pressure, antidepressants, to name two. Golden years with your lover. Yeah, that's the dream we're sold. As for selfish, if he only liked to eat every three days, or sleep for 3 hours a night, would you be so hard on yourself if you wanted more but he insisted you be awake when he was and only ate with him by your side? Yeah, you could do it. You might stop complaining about it and nagging him to have a little snack even if he's not hungry, you know. Cuz, you're hungry. Humans get hungry.
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eliz75
Junior Member
Posts: 24
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Post by eliz75 on Jun 6, 2023 8:08:19 GMT -5
10 hour days. Then a hotel, and again the next day? Or single day visits? Doesn't want you to leave? Interesting. Question is, are you a buffer/human shield? Or a source of moral support? Or do you demonstrate some courage he tries to unite with? Can you plan for an exit when your tolerance grows thin? Can he call the visit off early if his daughter doesn't remain civil?
The live about an hour and half away from us. He says we are a family. She doesn't even spend time with him when she is here. Its like she uses are house as a vacation. Lays around on my sofa on her phone for hours.
They used to stay overnight... I'm curious why they stopped. Your husband drew a line? His daughters prefer the hotel? Something else?
They were per the agreement supposed to say overnight every other weekend. That never happened but once the oldest got her license and a car, they'd come over and leave. I finally got tired of one room in my house being dedicated to shit he had bought them and told him it was now my office/craft room/storage room. I tore out the beds and threw shit away. They are basically grown, no need to sleep here.
Does foreplay for him get frustrating? Would heavy petting be unpleasant that way? Causes longing, but nothing to do about it? Perhaps just helping you out is similarly frustrating, emotionally, physically or both. It puts a different spin on it if he's sharing physical frustration.
Foreplay use to be a thing because we had no kid ourselves. Once we had a child that could wake up during or walk in our bedroom, that became a minimum. If he is touching me it could go either way. There are times that he has rubbed on me and turned over and went to sleep. I was the one frustrated and ready to strangle him.
Did I ask if he was on other medication? Some affect a guy. Blood pressure, antidepressants, to name two.
He is on blood pressure medication. So I know it can have affects, another reason I am trying to be a patient person. I have looked for signs that he is with someone else and found nothing. So either he's great at hiding it or there's nothing there and its another issue.
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Post by aquacat on Jun 6, 2023 9:37:47 GMT -5
Man I wish low testosterone would tank my libido. I suffer from it but never had an issue with libido or ED as it was never a problem. My main symptom was depression and anxiety. I'm on testosterone therapy and like the mood it puts me in but I really dislike that it also boosted my already high libido. My wife is a take it or leave it attitude when it comes to sex and would rather I not bother her with it so I am damned either way.
Sorry you are going through a dead bedroom with your spouse. It just baffles me that guys would refuse their wives. I would never refuse my wife unless I was sick or something very bad like that.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 7, 2023 5:53:56 GMT -5
They live about an hour and half away from us. He says we are a family. She doesn't even spend time with him when she is here. Its like she uses are house as a vacation. Lays around on my sofa on her phone for hours. They used to stay overnight... I'm curious why they stopped. Your husband drew a line? His daughters prefer the hotel? Something else?
They were per the agreement supposed to say overnight every other weekend. That never happened but once the oldest got her license and a car, they'd come over and leave. I finally got tired of one room in my house being dedicated to shit he had bought them and told him it was now my office/craft room/storage room. I tore out the beds and threw shit away. They are basically grown, no need to sleep here. Does foreplay for him get frustrating? Would heavy petting be unpleasant that way? Causes longing, but nothing to do about it? Perhaps just helping you out is similarly frustrating, emotionally, physically or both. It puts a different spin on it if he's sharing physical frustration.Foreplay use to be a thing because we had no kid ourselves. Once we had a child that could wake up during or walk in our bedroom, that became a minimum. If he is touching me it could go either way. There are times that he has rubbed on me and turned over and went to sleep. I was the one frustrated and ready to strangle him. Did I ask if he was on other medication? Some affect a guy. Blood pressure, antidepressants, to name two.
He is on blood pressure medication. So I know it can have affects, another reason I am trying to be a patient person. I have looked for signs that he is with someone else and found nothing. So either he's great at hiding it or there's nothing there and its another issue. 19 year olds have been badly handicapped with etiquette and social graces by cell phones always offering something more compelling than people. I fear for their future. If she's on her phone constantly, it's a bit odd your husband cares that you stick around. Would she even notice if you didn't? Given her inactivity, maybe it's your husband who needs a daughter road trip. Get out of the house that seems to bore her so. Does hubby attempt to engage her and she blows him off? (Phones are very demanding of one's attention). Or is he largely absent for her visits? Maybe none of this is desirable because you seem to say he [prioritizes her already, quality time would be counterproductive. Rubs on you, then sleeps, but last time, he went through with it. What makes the difference? Why was the last time magic? Would he even know if asked? He's up for the pills...but doesn't choose to use them. Or does he? Maybe he takes a pill, rubs on you to see if it worked, and mostly, it doesn't? The last time it did? The reason for his actual engagement last time is befuddling, though welcome. What went right? I know you don't know. Not sure if he knows or is willing to share. Aquacat mentions being sick as the only reason he'd refuse. Low level inflammation is common in depression. It can kill libido. His depression, unlike clinical depression, has reasons though. Divorce, alienated daughters, hostile ex, disappointed wife, guilt for neglecting his current family and maybe his old. Add in any career setbacks and this guy might be swimming in a sea of cytokines. It's like having the flu, but no fever. I'll throw in a question about his weight and cholesterol levels. How's his diet? Atherosclerosis affects organs other than the heart. As does diabetes. Stress eating might be a thing. I don't recall you describing his physical condition. If not fat, maybe doughy? Exercise is low priority for the depressed.
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eliz75
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Posts: 24
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Post by eliz75 on Jun 7, 2023 6:53:13 GMT -5
They live about an hour and half away from us. He says we are a family. She doesn't even spend time with him when she is here. Its like she uses are house as a vacation. Lays around on my sofa on her phone for hours. They used to stay overnight... I'm curious why they stopped. Your husband drew a line? His daughters prefer the hotel? Something else?
They were per the agreement supposed to say overnight every other weekend. That never happened but once the oldest got her license and a car, they'd come over and leave. I finally got tired of one room in my house being dedicated to shit he had bought them and told him it was now my office/craft room/storage room. I tore out the beds and threw shit away. They are basically grown, no need to sleep here. Does foreplay for him get frustrating? Would heavy petting be unpleasant that way? Causes longing, but nothing to do about it? Perhaps just helping you out is similarly frustrating, emotionally, physically or both. It puts a different spin on it if he's sharing physical frustration.Foreplay use to be a thing because we had no kid ourselves. Once we had a child that could wake up during or walk in our bedroom, that became a minimum. If he is touching me it could go either way. There are times that he has rubbed on me and turned over and went to sleep. I was the one frustrated and ready to strangle him. Did I ask if he was on other medication? Some affect a guy. Blood pressure, antidepressants, to name two.
He is on blood pressure medication. So I know it can have affects, another reason I am trying to be a patient person. I have looked for signs that he is with someone else and found nothing. So either he's great at hiding it or there's nothing there and its another issue. 19 year olds have been badly handicapped with etiquette and social graces by cell phones always offering something more compelling than people. I fear for their future. If she's on her phone constantly, it's a bit odd your husband cares that you stick around. Would she even notice if you didn't? Given her inactivity, maybe it's your husband who needs a daughter road trip. Get out of the house that seems to bore her so. Does hubby attempt to engage her and she blows him off? (Phones are very demanding of one's attention). Or is he largely absent for her visits? Maybe none of this is desirable because you seem to say he [prioritizes her already, quality time would be counterproductive. Rubs on you, then sleeps, but last time, he went through with it. What makes the difference? Why was the last time magic? Would he even know if asked? He's up for the pills...but doesn't choose to use them. Or does he? Maybe he takes a pill, rubs on you to see if it worked, and mostly, it doesn't? The last time it did? The reason for his actual engagement last time is befuddling, though welcome. What went right? I know you don't know. Not sure if he knows or is willing to share. Aquacat mentions being sick as the only reason he'd refuse. Low level inflammation is common in depression. It can kill libido. His depression, unlike clinical depression, has reasons though. Divorce, alienated daughters, hostile ex, disappointed wife, guilt for neglecting his current family and maybe his old. Add in any career setbacks and this guy might be swimming in a sea of cytokines. It's like having the flu, but no fever. I'll throw in a question about his weight and cholesterol levels. How's his diet? Atherosclerosis affects organs other than the heart. As does diabetes. Stress eating might be a thing. I don't recall you describing his physical condition. If not fat, maybe doughy? Exercise is low priority for the depressed. He is 6'3" and thick. Probably a little overweight but not terribly. He is more of the supervisior now than when we met he was the worker bee. So exercise is mostly walking around the job site because he has to be available to oversee everyone. He tries to engage with her but she is so much like his ex. They talk about really nothing and she will sit with him while he watches tv. She isn't interested in anything outside and he is. Honestly I know he is stressed but so am I. I don't know why it went from being shitty the last time to great this time. I wish I knew what's going on in his head, doubtful he understands it.
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