Welcome

You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.


What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".


If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.


Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.


We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.


This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.


Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.


To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.




Shoutbox

This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
mirrororchid: Spammers got cleaned out. Shout out to ModHatter, I think. Sept 4, 2024 4:08:04 GMT -5
mirrororchid: We've compared denier/refuser spouses to prison wardens. Dr. Psychmom has compared them to hostage takers and the unhappy spouse has Stockholm syndrome. Prisoners can't leave. Stockholm hostages don't because they want a good outcome for the captor. Sept 10, 2024 18:54:11 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Heard on a podcast: "Dating is where we present our best selves. Vulnerability is the opposite. Where we risk our partner knowing things that are imperfect. This is the way to forge the life partner bond." Sept 10, 2024 19:17:03 GMT -5
jerri: Gems!Hiya precious people :) Sept 12, 2024 0:05:11 GMT -5
week5of35years: My Wife had 30 free mins before she had to start work this AM... I said.. "lets have a quick shag" and she said she was going to walk the dog instead.... Still work to do.... Sept 17, 2024 3:51:34 GMT -5
isthisit: Week 5; For once I am in your wife’s corner on this one, I’d have walked the dog too! You need to work in your delivery there… Sept 20, 2024 0:01:57 GMT -5
week5of35years: LOL, in my defence, I squeezed her boobs as we were waking up and she was pretty responsive ...... If that had just come out of the blue I would have smacked myself in the face .... ha ha ha Sept 23, 2024 5:54:56 GMT -5
mirrororchid: "Teamwork makes the dream work." - "Ever heard of the Pareto principle?" Sept 29, 2024 14:50:23 GMT -5 *
worksforme2: Happy Birthday shamwow.... Oct 11, 2024 8:03:34 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday greatcoastal,...interesting detail above, 6714 posts in one day... Oct 14, 2024 8:44:23 GMT -5
greatcoastal: Thanks for the Happy B.D. wishes worksforme2! Oct 14, 2024 21:06:49 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday misssunnybunny.... Oct 23, 2024 5:51:58 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thank you!! :) Oct 23, 2024 9:20:24 GMT -5
wewbwb: Happy birthday ! You are awesomeness! Oct 24, 2024 17:49:43 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thank you!! 8-) Oct 26, 2024 14:27:37 GMT -5
worksforme2: Rest in Peace Teri Garr Oct 29, 2024 14:33:58 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday tiredoftears.... Nov 8, 2024 6:02:55 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday mirrororchid,... Nov 11, 2024 6:35:23 GMT -5
week5of35years: Happy Biffday ... may you have many un-sexless years ahead!!!! Nov 11, 2024 10:13:25 GMT -5 *
mirrororchid: Thanks, fellas. Nov 12, 2024 19:57:40 GMT -5
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