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Post by Dan on Apr 7, 2016 6:12:46 GMT -5
I'm strongly considering chatting with a divorce lawyer soon. Just a preliminary chat to break the ice. Partly to meet some candidates... but also testing my resolve to continue down the road toward divorce.
I think my first move would be to accept the "free first consultation" that many seem to offer. Just to break the ice, and for me to start to learn the lingo by seeing what questions they ask me.
This doesn't sound that complicated; I've "interviewed" other professionals to see if I'll like them enough to work with them or hire them. But -- since I have you all to ask -- does anyone have any noteworthy suggestions or anecdotes I should be apprised of before I take this step?
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Post by JMX on Apr 7, 2016 6:39:34 GMT -5
My experience has been - there are no free first consultations. Drat!
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Post by Dan on Apr 7, 2016 7:31:50 GMT -5
My experience has been - there are no free first consultations. Drat! Funny: seems when I Google "divorce lawyers in [my county]", I get a list of dozens and every single one of them offers a "free consultation". I guess I'll have to read the fine print. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 7, 2016 8:11:23 GMT -5
Amazing the advice you can get by googling a question. Like" what information to bring to a divorce attorney". What helped me was last years tax forms, our monthly budget, kids birthdays and social security numbers, a list of questions, like fees, down payments, what information or accounts my spouse may be hiding, what can they find. You will fine tune your questions and information as you continue visiting different attorneys. Don't be afraid to bring up your SM, they have heard it all! I felt it put them more on my side! while I am here Dan, allow me to say that it is honorable of you to be considering how your wife is going to cope. However marriage is an agreement for an equal partnership. A give and take, a covenant. It doesn't sound like your wife sees it that way. It's just take take, take, on her part, with very little giving. That was not what you signed up for. Marriage means sex. You might as well be business partners, and even then you'd probably be changing partners, out of business, or changing professions by now! take ground, find your joy! |
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Post by Dan on Apr 7, 2016 8:18:36 GMT -5
What helped me was last years tax forms, our monthly budget, kids birthdays and social security numbers, a list of questions, like fees, down payments, what information or accounts my spouse may be hiding, what can they find. You will fine tune your questions and information as you continue visiting different attorneys. Don't be afraid to bring up your SM, they have heard it all! I felt it put them more on my side! All pretty much what I had in mind: jot down the "basic facts of my situation" and even just hand it to them; this will take less of the the first appointment time verbally giving them all of that. And as you suggest, I was also planning to do a few of these, refining my questions as I go. Thanks! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 7, 2016 8:46:43 GMT -5
I remember a few other questions by the attorney:
1) are there any affairs, you or your spouse. ( now a days judges don't even consider that, it's a lot about finances)
2) any physical violence, any restraining orders, any mental issues.
3) is your spouse capable of providing an income, how much?
4)do you want custody of the children, would you be open to every other week with the kids?
5) what are your debts? Who would buy out the house? Who would keep it?
6) how are you going to split things? Do you expect lot's of nitpicky conflict over a backyard table, because that can get expensive, with thousands of dollars of legal fees!
7) you would have to live in the same school district. Every year that a child turns eighteen( graduate H.S.), the payments drop/change.
All these things to consider from a brief one hour visit!
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Moetse Tau
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Apr 7, 2016 11:27:09 GMT -5
One attorney I saw had the free consultation on the website.
I contacted another one, and they wrote back that they have
a free 30 minute visit, and welcomed me to make an appointment.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2016 14:12:02 GMT -5
Most will at least offer you a reduced rate, if not a free consultation (it really depends on where you live). If you know anyone you can trust, ask for recommendations. I ended up choosing one of the attorneys recommended by a friend (she also happens to be a lawyer, just not in Family Law). I also strongly encourage you to choose an attorney with experience in Family Law. They will know the judges in Family Court and will be up to date on what is happening with divorce and custody law. My STBX chose a general attorney and she is giving him incorrect information. It's going to cost him when we go to court.
Beyond that, take notes! I was so nervous at the first visit that I'm not sure I would have remembered even half of what she told me if I hadn't written things down. And of course, don't be afraid to ask questions - divorce laws can be complex and differ from state to state (and country to country also!).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2016 14:33:38 GMT -5
I have no advice to offer - but just want to say I'm very glad you are doing this.
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 10, 2016 21:11:33 GMT -5
I get a list of dozens and every single one of them offers a "free consultation". I guess I'll have to read the fine print. If one won't offer a consultation, they have too much business and you'd struggle to get quality results anyway. Just move on to the next one. In my locale, the local bar association (attorney oversight) offers a $25 referral service, and participating attorneys have to offer a free 1-hour consultation. It's worth checking to see if similar is available near you. Cheers, DC |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2016 22:38:18 GMT -5
Ask about the consequences of unauthorized rooting in your jurisdiction if either you or your spouse is cheating. In some places it doesn't matter, in others it can wipe you (an in some states your lover) out. Ask if rooting is considered authorized if there is a period between the separation and the divorce.
Ask about what you're likely to pay or receive in post separation support.
If there are kids, ask of course what custody would look like.
If your spouse has already lawyered up, ask what your lawyer knows about theirs. My lawyer knew my wife's lawyer liked to use scare tactics, and that knowledge was very useful in negotiating.
Real estate is often very complicated, so ask how it will shake out with the house. Even if you want to let your spouse have the house, it may not be that simple if your name on the mortgage. You might have to work something out with a refi and a quitclaim blah blah and it can make your head spin.
Ask how your debt will shake out. Chances are there isn't "your " debt vs "your spouse's" debt. Chances are most of it is marital debt which means it has to be divided up just like your assets. Be wary of your spouse taking debt that has your name on it. The creditor couldn't care less about your separation agreement. If your spouse doesn't pay you're the one whose credit score goes down the toilet.
Ask if there is great benefit to filing first and if so do it. Your spouse may be asking these very same questions of an attorney.
Tell your lawyer about any domestic violence. If you're the perp you don't want your lawyer to get blindsided. If you're the victim your lawyer may be able to use this to your advantage. Cynical? Damn straight. Unless you and your spouse somehow manage to remain civil, this is not the time for warm fuzzies.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 3:17:04 GMT -5
My experience has been - there are no free first consultations. Drat! I think the free consultation is overrated. If you're very cash strapped fine, and if there are several attorneys in your area who do offer free consults fine, get multiple opinions, but you should ultimately choose a professional based in their repuration and standing in their professional oversight association. Free advice can also be a way to rope in suckers. My ex's attorney's firm offers free webinars for people considering divorce. Their website is full of touchy feely "we know what this is like" articles and they promise they'll make it as easy as possible. Well had my ex done any research she would have found out that this firm has been censured by the state bar association for their billing practices. It's a divorce mill and they gave her terrible advice, even resorting to ridiculous bluffing. Like.I said, nothing wrong with free advice, but look who it's coming from. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 3:32:25 GMT -5
What helped me was last years tax forms, our monthly budget, kids birthdays and social security numbers, a list of questions, like fees, down payments, what information or accounts my spouse may be hiding, what can they find. You will fine tune your questions and information as you continue visiting different attorneys. Don't be afraid to bring up your SM, they have heard it all! I felt it put them more on my side! All pretty much what I had in mind: jot down the "basic facts of my situation" and even just hand it to them; this will take less of the the first appointment time verbally giving them all of that. And as you suggest, I was also planning to do a few of these, refining my questions as I go. Thanks! Being this organized through the whole process can keep your costs lower. Your attorney won't have to bill you for an hour of his paralegal's time getting your disorganized documents in order every time you send him something. This goes for paperless offices too. If your attorney does things through a client web portal, do things as instructed, right down to following the document naming conventions when you upload something. You're paying him $450 an hour to get you the best possible outcome in your divorce, not to tidy up after you. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2016 16:40:25 GMT -5
I am sorry to disagree with some of you, but I am an attorney, and I do have to tell you that many attorneys who offer free first consultations are not the best attorneys. Most reputable attorneys I know think that if someone is not serious enough to pay to see a lawyer, that person is not serious enough to really go foward.
Just my opinion.
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 12, 2016 2:43:01 GMT -5
I am sorry to disagree with some of you, but I am an attorney, and I do have to tell you that many attorneys who offer free first consultations are not the best attorneys. Most reputable attorneys I know think that if someone is not serious enough to pay to see a lawyer, that person is not serious enough to really go foward. Just my opinion. But surely lawyers must know that not everyone has enough money to spend on numerous consultations, so before spending it better get to know a lawyer a little in a free consultation before spending ones entire salary on him. I would have to struggle a lot for even one consultation. |
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