Collaborative verses Litiagation?

"Sort of" Brother GC.
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In my jurisdiction, it was an option to split the assets under an instrument called a "Binding Financial Agreement" whilst we were still - nominally - married.
That's what we did.
Thrashed the detail out, then had our lawyers thrash out the wording, effected all the transfers of assets as agreed and then signed it off.
My legal advice concerning the BFA, the drawing up the papers etc ran to about $1,200.
My missus legal advice about the BFA ran to about $ 800 so she told me.
There was no need to get divorced - but after the appropriate time period, we did.
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As I recall, I left in Oct 09, we negotiated the BFA by about July 10, we signed off on it around Sep 10.
We divorced in about August 13 as I recall.
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This "Binding Financial Agreement" worked well for us.
There might be some similar instrument available in your jurisdiction (?) - but I gather your full financial situation may be bit more complicated than mine was - and may have elements of which you are presently unaware.
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I would add however, that whatever methodology you adopt to wind the deal up, the emotional aspects are going to be real tough.
There's no "easy".

I'm not too clear on the difference between this and mediation, or even just working together to hammer out a separation agreement, but yeah you both have to be willing and able to cooperate. That tends to be difficult in the emotionally devastating pressure cooker of divorce. But it's worth looking into if you can both be reasonable and willing to compromise. I'd say though don't put alimony for life up with the negotiables unless she offers something really sweet. You got Big Bertha for a bargaining chip there.

I had a collaborative/mediation divorce. We hired a mediation attorney who worked with both of us together on the separation agreement. She answered questions for both of us and did most of the work in writing up the agreement. He and I also had separate attorneys to review the document before it was finalized to be submitted to the court.

This type of arrangement only works if both people are willing to work together to try and be fair and equitable. I was pretty lucky in that hashing out the details wasn't all that awful; he was nit-picky and drove the mediation lawyer nuts with all kinds of questions, but she handled it professionally. I can't remember how much it cost, but it was only a few sessions with her and a couple shorter meetings with my attorney before coming to an agreed upon document.

Here's a good definition of what Collaborative Family law is:Collaborative Practice

Collaborative Practice for Marital and Family Matters:

What is Collaborative Family Law?

Collaborative Family Law is a non-adversarial process focused on getting parties from dispute to resolution efficiently, and with as little financial and emotional damage as possible, while securing an agreement that addresses their true interests.

Parenting
Equitable Distribution
Alimony
Child Support
Every other issue not covered above!

Three Defining Principles of Collaborative Law:
• Clients and attorneys agree in advance that they will not take any contested issue to court.
• The process is "transparent." Much of the work is done in four-way meetings with both clients and both lawyers present. Everyone agrees to informal exchanges of all relevant information.
• Agreements are made through a process of "interest-based negotiation," where participants are encouraged to find creative solutions that satisfy everyone.
Top Ten Reasons
Why YOU should choose Collaborative Family Law:

10. There has to be a better way!
Compare Collaborative Family Law with Litigation
• Litigation can be demoralizing, dehumanizing and destructive to families.
• Litigation is a "Blame Game."
• Collaborative Law changes the focus from WHO is at fault, to HOW to SOLVE the problem.
9. It would make Atticus Finch proud.
Our Experience Has Shown...
• Most divorcing couples are kind, decent and intelligent folks who want to maintain their self-respect and dignity.
• These are good people at the worst time in their lives. Often, they are not proud of their behavior.
• They would like to feel that they have treated their spouse fairly, done what was best for their children, and amicably resolved their differences.
8. Keep the dirty laundry in the bag!
Some things to like about Collaborative Law
• Sensitive family issues remain confidential.
• No public court appearances are required.
• No personal, psychological or financial records go into your court file.
7. You get to tell the judge to leave you alone, and he/she has to!
We have found...
• Clients want to control their own destiny, NOT have a third party decide what is best for them.
• Typically, Collaborative Law clients are people who are used to controlling their lives and may not like having to do what others tell them to do, especially if it doesn't make sense to them.
• The Clients, not the court or the lawyers, control the process and outcome.
6. You're too busy to play Litigation Jeopardy.
Clients say...
• They want to be on their schedule, not a judge's schedule.
• They want to set their own deadlines for meeting and gathering information.
• They want the information they gather to be customized to their case, not generic.
• They want to take the time they need to get through their divorce in their own way without court-imposed deadlines.
Our experience shows...
• The average collaborative divorce is completed in 17 WEEKS; the average litigated divorce takes 17 MONTHS.
5. The TRUTH is CHEAPER than Fiction!
The truth is...
• Paying two "hired gun" experts to come up with diametrically opposed opinions so that the court can split the difference is wasteful for the clients.
• Hiring neutral experts helps the parties arrive at an agreement using objective standards.
We have found the following neutral experts can be helpful:
• Mental health professionals
• CPAs and financial planners
• Corporate, tax, and estate-planning attorneys
• Business and real estate appraisers
4. A scorched earth is no place to live.
We understand...
• Being cross-examined by an attorney almost always assures that the parties will be enemies with each other and with the lawyers.
Clients prefer...
• Dealing with their spouse and his or her lawyer in an informal, respectful setting.
• The ability to talk in a group situation without fear that their words will come back to haunt them.
Collaborative Family Law compared to Mediation
• During caucus-style mediation, clients feel isolated and left out of the process.
• Mediation often makes clients feel pressured to settle in someone else's timeframe.
• Collaborative Law allows clients to vent if they need to in a safe environment, and participate fully in the process.
3. One size does NOT fit all!
We know...
• The Florida Statutes governing family matters set "one size fits nobody" rules for parental decision-making, visitation and child support that don't consider individual circumstances.
• Judges are strictly required to follow rules in dividing property that often don't make sense for individual clients.
• Collaborative Law encourages clients to be creative in meeting the needs of individuals based on their unique circumstances.
• The Collaborative Law process provides clients with experience they can use in future problem solving.
We have learned...
• Interest-based discussions work better than positional bargaining.
• Clients often find that they share more interests than they had realized.
• Interest-based negotiation frees clients to work toward resolution that addresses everyone's needs and often results in acts of generosity.
2. There's no reason for formal discovery when everyone agrees to act in good faith.
We find that most clients...
• Know what they have and resent having to prove what they already know through expensive discovery.
• Can work together to gather the necessary information to resolve their case.
• Want to spend their money on themselves and their children rather than on lawyers, so they're willing to do homework.
All Collaborative Law clients and lawyers commit to respond truthfully to inquiries, to provide relevant information to their spouse, and to correct mistakes made by either side.
1. Money really doesn't grow on trees!
We have found that Clients...
• Would rather pay their lawyers for working than for waiting at the courthouse.
• See how the lawyer earns the fee because they actively participate in the Collaborative Law process.
• Like the fact that the process is focused on future problem-solving rather than continuing the fight.
Collaborative Law Advantages
• "Adds value" to the client, so they feel they are getting their money's worth when they pay for legal services.
• Collaborative Law cases cost significantly less than litigated cases.
Why we are Collaborative Professionals?
• Collaborative Law clients are happy clients. We want to make a positive difference in their lives.
• We want to change the face of divorce in this world to one where everyone wins - the clients, the professionals, the children, and society.
Why choose Collaborative Law?
• In 1,000 pounds of law, there is not an ounce of love.
• Divorce is a problem to be solved, not a battle to be fought.
The Information above was originally prepared by the Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota and the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas, Inc. We are grateful to Attorney Linda K. Wray of Edina, Minnesota for sharing her Collaborative Law presentation with him.