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Post by beachguy on Oct 12, 2016 20:01:42 GMT -5
I'm not to that point yet. My wife has not been refusing me that long. She started decreasing the quantity three years ago. I was always asking and it seemed liked the No's became more common. Then this last spring, she did not give it to me for two months. That was when I started to fight with her. Then it was another month without. I knew it was going bad and I begin to pull far away from her. I felt that if I did not do something it was going down hill fast. I found this forum back in August but did not join. Since joining here, it's helped me realize a lot. I'm not alone but I can see how this could drag on the rest of my life, if I let it. I think that our marriage is salvageable. I want to give it my best shot since we have kids. But a part of me realizes if she does not change then I'll have to leave. Maybe that's the issue that I need to come to terms with. It may be best for me to seek out counseling without the wife. You should understand now the path you will most likely follow if things keep going as they are. It ends with counter refusing which is the end game, the point of no return. If I had to go through that again, only a couple years in, I would give her the Celibacy Is Not An Option speech but I would be ready to walk, exit plan in place, before I did it. And I would be fully prepared to punch the Eject Button. Anything short of that would be a waste of time and energy, in my experience. |
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Post by baza on Oct 13, 2016 0:25:32 GMT -5
beachguy, Could you tell me more about the counter refuser or explain what you went through? I'm surprised that I'm feeling this way. I would have thought that once sex started that it would be all great. Don't get me wrong, I love sex with my wife. But now, I look at her and I'm questioning other aspects of our relationship. I'll say one thing, when you start addressing the issues of sexual refusal, it's goes much deeper than I realized. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, happy one minute and sad the next. It's confusing to say the least. Counter-refusing can also be - and often is - pro-active. - "If" you want to regain control of your sexual persona, but are in an ILIASM shithole, one way to do this is to adopt an attitude that - "if there is going to be no sex in my deal, then I am taking ownership of that, and it is going to be sexless by MY CHOICE, rather than something being inflicted on me by an uncaring spouse".
-It is a subtle change in attitude, but very powerful. - But as mentioned elsewhere, counter-refusing is very much an indicator that the end game is underway. - That's not necessarily a bad thing. |
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 15, 2016 11:06:01 GMT -5
After reading the article and careful consideration, it is MY humble opinion that what this person is looking for is exactly what I was trying to describe in "The Friend Zone".
Also it is exactly why some of my best lovers have been girls who I've been friends with.
Both before and after sex.
Being able to look at each other and seeing both a friend and a lover is a very special thing indeed.
I hope he finds it.
I hope we all do.
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