Post by m76 on Nov 20, 2023 23:09:48 GMT -5
yesterday at 3:18pm miestas said:
Hello Dean D
Your wife sounds like mine. There is always an excuse, too much to do, too much stress, etc. The problem is not that I want sex. I can pay for that. What I want is someone to WANT to have sex with me. Who finds me physically attractive. Who sees sex as a way to say they love me. Who wants sex so I can give them something they really want and enjoy because we love each other. If I have to convince someone to have sex with me, it defeats the whole purpose and I usually can’t perform, with or without chemical assistance.
Posted by m76yesterday at 3:37pm
This. All this.
Something I've been searching for, if the best part of sex is knowing how much they want to be with me, is there really anything else that can fill that void?
Seems like all four of you see yourselves rutting like animals with some piece of meat you swiped right on Tinder to get with.
If you three gents messaged ToughTiger and she said what she just said, would you response be, "Too bad all we can do is fuck. It'd be nice if I were able to care about you."
Toughtiger, are these guys not sounding as though they want to give what you want to receive?
If we are limiting ourselves to physical release only, I dare say that's on us. It is not a matter that we cannot get this simple desire fulfilled, it is that we deny it ourselves out of a deference to a neglectful marriage that fails to provide it where a new partner isn't merely willing but longs to provide it.
When we see ourselves as only scratching an itch it deprives not just ourselves but prospective partners who want the very same thing.
Some ILIASM members declare they want a spouse that provides this deep connection. Getting such a connection from a lover is not acceptable without vow and ring.
While I acknowledge the deep seated, visceral need behind this demand for the linkage, I do not yet see a rational rationale and I ponder about my own disposition that finds no such mandate.
I may live, survive, and befriend my life partner, Mrs. MirrorOrchid, as she wishes, and bestow passion and lust upon another man's wife whose husband is her BFF (until death do they part.) This had been the plan before my wife's lengthy reset. Yet so many deliberately keep such an arrangement at arm's length. I don't understand.
If all it was about was the release, then that's something I can take care of myself. The problem is being with someone that you desperately want the deep connection to, where sex is just one way to help build and maintain that connection. It's been said before here that when people say everything is great except the sex, once you start digging, there's other problems that have been ignored.