Getting Naked - 5 Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life
Feb 20, 2017 12:34:14 GMT -5
Dan, GeekGoddess, and 5 more like this
Post by WindSister on Feb 20, 2017 12:34:14 GMT -5
.. by Harlan Cohen www.amazon.com/Getting-Naked-Finding-Clothed-Totally/dp/0312611781
This group is much too smart to be fooled into believing it's as simple as "Five steps" to love - but Cohen fell into the trap of making a catchy title, so there you have it.
This book will not be for everyone, and it does SEEM to be for a younger audience, but it actually really helped me loosen up when it came to dating, so I am sharing. I think it gets flat at times, kind of repetitive and I wish he had gone a bit DEEPER, but it gets the mind flowing and he does bring up some good gems in this book here and there.
In another thread I talked about a book club I ran based on this book for five weeks. We had anywhere from 45-70 men and women each week and the conversations were amazing and insightful at each table. The most fun night, believe it or not, was the night we had "Rejection" as the main topic. I think a lot of healing took place for many that night amidst the laughter and tears. EVERYONE is rejected now and then.
What I got from this book on rejection helped teach me to be freed from the pain of it. It's about learning not to take rejection so damn personally. Thousands will want you, millions will not and that is OKAY. The men who don't want you are not assholes and the women who don't want you are not bitches. Learning to brush it off as an "oh well, he/she is not the one," lightening up and having FUN with dating makes it less of a trauma-filled event. I met my now husband after rejecting all the men who were rejecting me in various ways and actually really feeling okay with it all in my heart. Date but have fun with life, love yourself (even in your thongs with all your bulges and messiness hanging out - because no one looks good in a thong). Someone will love your bulges and imperfections.
Cohen asks that you make three promises prior to reading the book and as you work through it. You only really to make one, though (the first one).
Promise One: You must believe there is more than one person in the world who will want you.
Even now as I believe I am truly with "the love of my life/soul mate" I do believe this to be true and not in an arrogant way, but I just know it's true. I am not saying that another "him" would be EASY or FAST to find -- but I know there are others who would love to be with me. Knowing this does not mean I will leave the first time my husband looks at me sideways or burps at an inappropriate time or we get in a fight. I never "threaten" to leave as leverage. I am actually truly COMMITTED to him. BUT -- knowing this means I won't put up with dysfunction should it arise. I trust myself with this now, I really do. Not from reading this book, either -- but it helped remind me I know this.
Promise Two: You must believe you are worth dating.
Kinda goes with promise One but helpful to remember as you get out there and date.
Promise Three is stupid -- he asks that you believe in his approach in the book, but I am sharing it so you know.
My favorite quote from the book goes with Promise One:
"When you fall in love (and you will), if things go badly, instead of making excuses for a relationship that's flawed you'll fix it or find something better. You won't get caught up in games, hide your feelings or be consumed with what he or she is thinking. You'll have the ability to express yourself freely and listen without apprehension. you will have the confidence to find endless partners who are "just that into you." You will not hesitate to commit. You 'll no longer worry about settling. The process in which you meet people and build relationships will not allow for it. You will find more than a date, you will find happiness in love and in life."
So, Just leaving this here.
Have a great week!!!
This group is much too smart to be fooled into believing it's as simple as "Five steps" to love - but Cohen fell into the trap of making a catchy title, so there you have it.
This book will not be for everyone, and it does SEEM to be for a younger audience, but it actually really helped me loosen up when it came to dating, so I am sharing. I think it gets flat at times, kind of repetitive and I wish he had gone a bit DEEPER, but it gets the mind flowing and he does bring up some good gems in this book here and there.
In another thread I talked about a book club I ran based on this book for five weeks. We had anywhere from 45-70 men and women each week and the conversations were amazing and insightful at each table. The most fun night, believe it or not, was the night we had "Rejection" as the main topic. I think a lot of healing took place for many that night amidst the laughter and tears. EVERYONE is rejected now and then.
What I got from this book on rejection helped teach me to be freed from the pain of it. It's about learning not to take rejection so damn personally. Thousands will want you, millions will not and that is OKAY. The men who don't want you are not assholes and the women who don't want you are not bitches. Learning to brush it off as an "oh well, he/she is not the one," lightening up and having FUN with dating makes it less of a trauma-filled event. I met my now husband after rejecting all the men who were rejecting me in various ways and actually really feeling okay with it all in my heart. Date but have fun with life, love yourself (even in your thongs with all your bulges and messiness hanging out - because no one looks good in a thong). Someone will love your bulges and imperfections.
Cohen asks that you make three promises prior to reading the book and as you work through it. You only really to make one, though (the first one).
Promise One: You must believe there is more than one person in the world who will want you.
Even now as I believe I am truly with "the love of my life/soul mate" I do believe this to be true and not in an arrogant way, but I just know it's true. I am not saying that another "him" would be EASY or FAST to find -- but I know there are others who would love to be with me. Knowing this does not mean I will leave the first time my husband looks at me sideways or burps at an inappropriate time or we get in a fight. I never "threaten" to leave as leverage. I am actually truly COMMITTED to him. BUT -- knowing this means I won't put up with dysfunction should it arise. I trust myself with this now, I really do. Not from reading this book, either -- but it helped remind me I know this.
Promise Two: You must believe you are worth dating.
Kinda goes with promise One but helpful to remember as you get out there and date.
Promise Three is stupid -- he asks that you believe in his approach in the book, but I am sharing it so you know.
My favorite quote from the book goes with Promise One:
"When you fall in love (and you will), if things go badly, instead of making excuses for a relationship that's flawed you'll fix it or find something better. You won't get caught up in games, hide your feelings or be consumed with what he or she is thinking. You'll have the ability to express yourself freely and listen without apprehension. you will have the confidence to find endless partners who are "just that into you." You will not hesitate to commit. You 'll no longer worry about settling. The process in which you meet people and build relationships will not allow for it. You will find more than a date, you will find happiness in love and in life."
So, Just leaving this here.
Have a great week!!! 
