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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 22, 2017 13:20:47 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2017 14:09:43 GMT -5
Good luck getting the men who need it, to read it.
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Post by Dan on Feb 22, 2017 14:35:56 GMT -5
The article does some an OK job of pointing out the pain the withholding husband is causing.
It does a nice job of listing many possible ways for a man to introspect what is going on in his head/life that may be contributing.
However, the conclusion leaves me flat:
What? Any other "godly man" has the skills and patience to help a withholding husband "rekindle the sexual side of romance"?
If only it were that easy.
I think the article might have more effect if it ended this way:
Now THAT might be the wake up call some men need!
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 22, 2017 15:06:57 GMT -5
The article does some an OK job of pointing out the pain the withholding husband is causing. It does a nice job of listing many possible ways for a man to introspect what is going on in his head/life that may be contributing. However, the conclusion leaves me flat: What? Any other "godly man" has the skills and patience to help a withholding husband "rekindle the sexual side of romance"? If only it were that easy. I think the article might have more effect if it ended this way: Now THAT might be the wake up call some men need! Right on Dan! Well spoken. I did like the statistics, and the idea of, "don't blame yourself". (your W. could use a similar wake up call, instead of being allowed to play victim) Have her read the one" why sex is so important to your husband". |
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Post by WindSister on Feb 22, 2017 15:09:04 GMT -5
That article hit my heart because I do remember the pain of rejection. I have a tough time with all things in the Bible and God and religion but much of the scripture hits me and I treat it kind like I do reading from The Tao or other spiritual books - a possible way to open a person's heart to Love. (it all seems to point to love in my opinion).
Since remarrying I have fallen in love with The Unveiled Wife. While I have to skim over some of the scripture stuff and "God says or Jesus" things (sorry if that offends people just being honest) I get a lot from her little blurbs and inspirational posts. I believe "prayer" is a lot like "intention." So for me, I can align with her on that and hold intention for my husband and I and our marriage --of love, honestly, intimacy (to include SEX), etc.
Now, when I was in a dysfunctional marriage I couldn't even CONSIDER her advise. It wouldn't work on my ex. No matter how much I tried to be the bigger person or romance and appreciate him, he was not giving it back. That's not a marriage therefore I had to leave. Now I have a real marriage and the advise makes sense. We live it and breathe it and take care of each other every day. Not saying we are "perfect" but we are a genuinely happy couple.
Anyway, all that to say, I appreciate this article - the questions are good ones to keep in mind, always, in a relationship (both partners). Also, it inspires me always when Christian authors treat sex as an important part of the relationship.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 22, 2017 17:31:33 GMT -5
Good luck getting the men who need it, to read it. Perhaps print it out and put inside his issue of Playgirl |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2017 18:40:02 GMT -5
If you are in this state and not really caring enough about the woman you promised in front of God, your family, and the community that you would love, honor, and cherish for the rest of your life, then please introduce your wife to just about any other man -- godly or not -- and maybe they'll hit it off and he'll be able to satisfy her sexually. At least then you will have done your duty in some measure. Dan, I like your version better. |
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Post by baza on Feb 23, 2017 0:30:13 GMT -5
To me, the article tells a tale of a spouse who places a premium value on marital sex, and another spouse who doesn't value it much, if at all.
And, there is nothing 'wrong' with either viewpoint in regard to their individual evaluations of marital sex.
There's nothing wrong with valuing marital sex very highly.
There's nothing wrong with applying a very low value to it.
They are both perfectly legitimate individual evaluations of the importance of marital sex.
But ------
In a relationship situation, these (perfectly valid - but opposite) views spell nothing but trouble.
The chicks in this story are NOT going to be able to get their spouse to suddenly apply a premium value to marital sex.
Best they can hope for is a bit of tawdry unsustainable "re-set sex" that might be offered up if the husband feels that the marriage might be at risk.
"If" you apply a very low value to marital sex and get heartily sick of your spouse trying to force themself on you, trying to co-erce you into engaging them sexually, the decent thing to do would be for you to walk away.
OTOH, if you apply a premium value to marital sex and are heartily sick of your avoidant spouses piss weak excuses not to engage you sexually despite your scented candling etc etc, then the decent thing for you to do is to walk away.
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Post by LITW on Feb 24, 2017 10:40:13 GMT -5
Since remarrying I have fallen in love with The Unveiled Wife. While I have to skim over some of the scripture stuff and "God says or Jesus" things (sorry if that offends people just being honest) I get a lot from her little blurbs and inspirational posts. I believe "prayer" is a lot like "intention." So for me, I can align with her on that and hold intention for my husband and I and our marriage --of love, honestly, intimacy (to include SEX), etc. My wife has been following the Unveiled wife for over a year now, and it has not made a bit of difference in her libido. I used to read Christian marriage blogs every day, but found that that it only gave me false hopes that were easily shattered, so I stopped. The main focus of pretty much all of them is that you cannot change your spouse, but you can change yourself, so work on yourself, and your spouse will notice the change and come around. (if you build it, they will come) I still read them occasionally, but I skip over the sexual content because it leaves me feeling worse about my situation than before. As much as I try to be the husband my wife wants, it does nothing to increase her sexual desire for me. She very, very much appreciates all I do for her and the family, but the idea that she could show that appreciation sexually is still a foreign concept to her. This brings me to this line in the article originally referenced... "He can and will help you rekindle the sexual side of romance with your wife." .... sorry, (actually, no I am not sorry) but thats poppycock. If you have lost interest in your spouse, nobody is going to give that interest back to you ... you have to WANT it back to get it back. My wife does not want it back, so no amount of trusted friends or blog reading (she does a LOT of that) or marriage seminars (we have been to many) are going to make a difference. |
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Post by WindSister on Feb 24, 2017 10:58:43 GMT -5
Since remarrying I have fallen in love with The Unveiled Wife. While I have to skim over some of the scripture stuff and "God says or Jesus" things (sorry if that offends people just being honest) I get a lot from her little blurbs and inspirational posts. I believe "prayer" is a lot like "intention." So for me, I can align with her on that and hold intention for my husband and I and our marriage --of love, honestly, intimacy (to include SEX), etc. This brings me to this line in the article originally referenced... "He can and will help you rekindle the sexual side of romance with your wife." .... sorry, (actually, no I am not sorry) but thats poppycock. If you have lost interest in your spouse, nobody is going to give that interest back to you ... you have to WANT it back to get it back. My wife does not want it back, so no amount of trusted friends or blog reading (she does a LOT of that) or marriage seminars (we have been to many) are going to make a difference. Oh, I so agree with you on that one. I don't know your story so I shouldn't speak - maybe you are going to stay and look for alternative solutions? Or leaving when.... ? Or, who knows. So this might not be directed to your story in particular, but one thing that helped me was when someone told me to "Be the kind of wife who has the kind of husband you want." This was followed with, "This "husband" may be the one you are currently married to, or it might end up being someone else." It ended up being someone else. Of course that came with a lot of pain, doubt, growth..... but still worth it. We don't do seminars and such, but we do reflect on writings that we find that inspire us. We just like to remind each other what we are striving for in our marriage. It takes two -- always two. We all know this. Actions speak loudest of all. All the intention I have in the world is meaningless if my husband is not equally on board. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 24, 2017 10:59:01 GMT -5
Since remarrying I have fallen in love with The Unveiled Wife. While I have to skim over some of the scripture stuff and "God says or Jesus" things (sorry if that offends people just being honest) I get a lot from her little blurbs and inspirational posts. I believe "prayer" is a lot like "intention." So for me, I can align with her on that and hold intention for my husband and I and our marriage --of love, honestly, intimacy (to include SEX), etc. My wife has been following the Unveiled wife for over a year now, and it has not made a bit of difference in her libido. I used to read Christian marriage blogs every day, but found that that it only gave me false hopes that were easily shattered, so I stopped. The main focus of pretty much all of them is that you cannot change your spouse, but you can change yourself, so work on yourself, and your spouse will notice the change and come around. (if you build it, they will come) I still read them occasionally, but I skip over the sexual content because it leaves me feeling worse about my situation than before. As much as I try to be the husband my wife wants, it does nothing to increase her sexual desire for me. She very, very much appreciates all I do for her and the family, but the idea that she could show that appreciation sexually is still a foreign concept to her. This brings me to this line in the article originally referenced... "He can and will help you rekindle the sexual side of romance with your wife." .... sorry, (actually, no I am not sorry) but thats poppycock. If you have lost interest in your spouse, nobody is going to give that interest back to you ... you have to WANT it back to get it back. My wife does not want it back, so no amount of trusted friends or blog reading (she does a LOT of that) or marriage seminars (we have been to many) are going to make a difference. "Rekindle the sexual side of romance with your wife". I recall when our therapist finally said, " between the two of you, their is nothing there to rekindle. Not even a dying ember, just years of cold ashes turned to dirt. Poking , stirring it doesn't help, it just decomposes even more". My therapist and I both new who went above and beyond to rekindle, and who did nothing. That part needs to be addressed, a lot more in these articles. |
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Post by richfairy72 on Feb 24, 2017 13:01:15 GMT -5
Great article, and brilliant responses. As ever, these articles need to help those of us whose partners don't see the need for intimacy! Baza, you are so right, either way, it's pretty much a scenario to walk from....
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