Clues it's time to let the one you love go.

Oh yes - on the nail head.

This was from one of the commenters in that article.  Sound familiar to anyone?


"Sometimes it's great, the love him and I share...and then other times we are fighting and at odds with one another so much that we can't even be nice to each other anymore. And then we pull away. We've been together for about a year and a half and although we are engaged we have broken it off twice. Scary part is that he feels that we are doomed to be fighting with one another for the rest of our lives. I'm the one seen as asking for too much,because I want to be touched or held, even called too needy, and then ungreatful when I try and tell him what I like in the bedroom. He won't do it and says I ruin it for him and I should be great full he gives what he does. He is intimidated by a woman that knows what she wants? And to top it off he calls me crazy. Yet I come back to him and show him so much love and compassion because I believe that's what love does. It loves the unlovable. He shows me he loves me with his actions but his words rip me to pieces. When we fight it's because he's been extremely hurtful towards me and said things I would never dream to say to another person. He thinks women are too much work and he could go back to not needing one. I feel he takes love for granted and wonder how a stint of his being without me would change his heart to learn to embrace with live rather than to push it away. I love him with all my heart and wish he was as tender hearted as I am and a person that is peaceful in how they communicate rather than to stir up strife and cause pain. He was single for 6 years and says he didnt really think about a relationship or even marriage in terms of what he wanted in another person. When we first got together he brought me flowers for my birthday at work without my knowing it was something I always wanted someone to do, and when he proposed it was all perfect. Yet he says he doesn't feel the same towards me anymore. However in other areas he had to mature and it's been a tug of war. He's had to get perspective from other men into how to be more sensitive if a woman's feelings. My dad says he has a bad attitude towards women in general and he has alot to still learn in how to even be with one. I'm trying to figure out how much more of our all I can take and if it would be better for him if I just walked away. Seems like I'm too much of a problem to him. Yet im on pins and needles after we fight and I go to work worried he is going to end things with me. We were apart for 6 months as he lived in another town and I had to go about 2 hours drive to go see him once a week...am thinking that also played into all this because he moved shortly after he proposed. We also live in 2 separate houses as we can't afford to get a place together yet..but I wonder if living together would make things easier or harder. As it seems living apart has put a huge strain on our relationship. I dont even know how to be with him anymore as I feel rejected like I can't come to him and as if his feelings are fickle. Maybe I'm wrong here I just don't know. I'm such a fighter that I hold on and fight for love and it seems that it's good for a little while and then we hit another road block where we have to learn how to compromise, communicate and be a couple all over again. Even though it feels like we come back stronger, I'm concerned I'm taking him down a journey that honestly is to much as I'm the first real committed relationship he's had that is this strong."

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I like to read such articles a lot even though I am in a happy marriage. "The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask yourself." (Something like that and I believe Tony Robbins is the source of that quote). I am pulling the questions out of the article, hope that is okay: (I am also including the ending, which I think is empowering if one embraces it!).



I want to add, though, true self-love is realizing you don't "need" another to thrive in life.  Yes, you can be in love, give it all you have, fight for it, enjoy it, embrace it, sacrifice (to a healthy point) for it, etc., but this other person doesn't complete your life.  True self confidence comes from knowing this - not from feeling you are better than another.  My husband could leave me.  He could fall in love with some chick at work.  He could return to an ex.  These have all been fears of mine until I finally embraced the reality - yup,all that COULD happen!  And if it does, there's not a damn thing I can do, so lighten up, enjoy the relationship, give it all I have and keep my eyes/heart/mind open.  Don't become the boiled frog.  If it's good keep fighting for it. If it turns bad and he stops contributing, end it.  (simple to say, I know).  

I think we answer all these questions with an honest and then add "but....."   When we are done with the "buts" we move on, I think.   

I think you and your ex are in the perfect spot! It's where you should be with him.

Thanks Bballgirl - very insightful.