|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 15, 2017 11:22:32 GMT -5
When my youngest son was born we knew he was different. He walked early, at 10 months. He didn't speak until he was 2. Doctor said he was advanced in every way except speaking. When he did start talking, we really knew he was different. He was diagnosed with disfluency. Whole word repetition in the middle of a sentence. He started speech therapy right away. There were other things. He would have periods when he would be inconsolably sad and unable explain it. Then he would have periods of hyperactivity and excitement. He had a habit of walking in circles. He still paces and he's 24. Sometimes he would gesture and appear to be talking or singing.
He was teaching himself to read when he was four. Because dyslexia runs in my family, I got the old homeschool reading book out and started teaching him. I taught all my children to read because I was afraid they wouldn't be able to learn the way the schools taught reading.
He appeared to be aware of everything going on around him even when he was walking in circles. We never made him stop and sit still. We let him be who he was. Parents of autistic children would come sit by me and start talking about their child and asking about my sons autism. I would tell them that he wasn't autistic and they would give me the name of a doctor we should take him to. We had already had him screened, I'd tell them. They would say their doctor was better. As he matured some of his oddness went away and he behaved more or less the way a normal boy does. However he never looked anyone in the eyes except us. He wore baseball hats all the time so that no one could see his eyes. He said looking into someone's eyes was scary. We let it drop and let him be who he was.
We gave him permission to be unhappy or sad and offered our comfort. We figured that he had a good reason for his sadness even if he couldn't explain it.
When he was 18 he was officially diagnosed bipolar 1. He had had a psychotic episode while away at UC. We brought him home and he withdrew from school. It took two years to recover from the damage caused by the psychotic episode.
Here is the terrible part. His entire life he knew he was different and desperately wanted to be normal. He traumatized himself. He emotionally abused himself to the extent that he has now been diagnosed with self induced PTSD.
Should we have been on him all the time to change him into behaving like a normal child? Did we unintentionally set him up for mental illness by allowing him to be who he was? It's not easy being a parent. Sometimes doing the right thing is the wrong thing.
I do know that he is a gentle and loving man, a broken man that is determined to be normal.
He is in outpatient therapy at the hospital. He seems to be getting better. We meet with the doctors tomorrow.
So that is my world.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 15, 2017 12:05:38 GMT -5
Oh dear,
I wish I could offer you answers, but I do not have them. Your parenting seems so natural and loving I am sure you would have never expected such an episode to happen.
I feel sad for your son, having all of those feelings and thoughts inside and not being able to say them would be frustrating, but I think he is lucky to have had a stable and loving mom to always let him try without being quick to anger or judgement.
I hope you hear good news.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 15, 2017 12:17:18 GMT -5
Oh dear, I wish I could offer you answers, but I do not have them. Your parenting seems so natural and loving I am sure you would have never expected such an episode to happen. I feel sad for your son, having all of those feelings and thoughts inside and not being able to say them would be frustrating, but I think he is lucky to have had a stable and loving mom to always let him try without being quick to anger or judgement. I hope you hear good news. Thank you. I just feel so helpless. |
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Jun 15, 2017 13:25:15 GMT -5
While I am not going to pretend to understand what it means to be a parent, the Frigidaire has a son from her first marriage.
(He make it clear that I am NOT his father nor should I try to be. It's complicated but NOT the point of this.)
He is incredibly sensitive.
Everything seems to hurt him.
This is difficult for me to understand because....
I don't give a fuck about 90% of things.
HOWEVER (and this is the point of this) I see how the Frigidaire feels his pain and suffers along with him. How she hurts for and with him.
So my heart goes out to you.
While I may not be able to understand first hand, I've seen the pain a mother has for a hurting son.
Blessings to you both.
I
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jun 15, 2017 13:41:49 GMT -5
Parenting is the hardest job on Earth.
As parents we do the best that we can at the time.
We make decisions at the time that we think are best for our child.
Take comfort that you did your best and that's all anyone can do.
They are always our children no matter how old they are so we can continue to help and guide them.
My son was diagnosed with motor tic disorder when he was 3.
He would involuntarily move his arm when he got emotional whether a good emotion or bad. He never noticed it, we never told him. He grew out of it for the most part but every now and then I see where it shows up again.
We do our best. You are a great mom and that's what matters.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 15, 2017 13:47:22 GMT -5
Parenting is the hardest job on Earth. As parents we do the best that we can at the time. We make decisions at the time that we think are best for our child. Take comfort that you did your best and that's all anyone can do. They are always our children no matter how old they are so we can continue to help and guide them. My son was diagnosed with motor tic disorder when he was 3. He would involuntarily move his arm when he got emotional whether a good emotion or bad. He never noticed it, we never told him. He grew out of it for the most part but every now and then I see where it shows up again. We do our best. You are a great mom and that's what matters. Thank you. |
|
|
|
Post by misssunnybunny on Jun 15, 2017 14:21:21 GMT -5
I'm not a parent, but I am a social worker who works with teenagers. I see the effects of good, not so good, and some truly awful parenting every day. Rhapsodee , it sounds like you did the best you could while raising him. It is difficult for all of you, and the fact that you are there for him is so wonderful. I do hope he gets the treatment he needs, and finds a counselor who both understands and with whom he "clicks." Having a good working relationship with a therapist is important; I say this from being on both sides of that relationship. Best to your nd be sure to take care of yourself, too, so you can be there for him when he needs you. |
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 15, 2017 20:48:53 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jun 15, 2017 22:17:00 GMT -5
My eldest was born with a physical disability, and is a wheely.
The parenting caper was a nightmare.
One of us wanted him exposed to the world and let him find his own way, the other wanted to protect him from the world.
Like I say, it was somewhat difficult.
Parenting kids is difficult under the'best' of conditions and puts big strains on the marriage.
Add in an extra pressure and the strain is enormous.
In fact, in my jurisdiction, marriages where such an issue is present, the rate of divorce is horrendous. Like 3/4's.
I dunno how our marriage survived that, as the foundations were pretty shaky in any event. But it did
He's an adult now, has carved out a career in sports administration, and is a ripper of a bloke
|
|
meerin
Junior Member
Posts: 29 
|
Post by meerin on Jun 18, 2017 4:15:52 GMT -5
Parenting comes with a hell of a guilt trip. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance and it would have manifested no matter what. My kid has been diagnosed with autism and he, too, feels the difference and it gets to him. I worry that I have done too much and then flip back to wondering if I have not done enough.
All you can do is be there for him now and help him through this, which you are. He is fortunate to have a parent that will be there for him. You're a good parent and this isn't your fault.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 18, 2017 9:59:36 GMT -5
Parenting comes with a hell of a guilt trip. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance and it would have manifested no matter what. My kid has been diagnosed with autism and he, too, feels the difference and it gets to him. I worry that I have done too much and then flip back to wondering if I have not done enough. All you can do is be there for him now and help him through this, which you are. He is fortunate to have a parent that will be there for him. You're a good parent and this isn't your fault. Thank you. |
|
meerin
Junior Member
Posts: 29
|
Post by meerin on Jun 22, 2017 4:34:45 GMT -5
How are things with your son?
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 22, 2017 9:31:00 GMT -5
meerin, thank you for asking. He seems to be better. As with anything, it makes things better knowing that someone other than your parents is on your side. We met with the counselor in the outpatient program yesterday. They are sending him to be assessed at the main hospital. It looks promising.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2017 14:20:19 GMT -5
Rhapsodee, please don't beat yourself up. From what you've said, you were doing what you thought he needed. It's obvious that you love him very much.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Jun 27, 2017 9:25:36 GMT -5
When my youngest son was born we knew he was different. ... he's 24. ... We gave him permission to be unhappy or sad and offered our comfort. We figured that he had a good reason for his sadness even if he couldn't explain it. ... When he was 18 he was officially diagnosed bipolar 1. He had had a psychotic episode while away at UC. We brought him home and he withdrew from school. It took two years to recover from the damage caused by the psychotic episode. My heart goes out to you, your son, and your family, Dee. This is a remarkably similar story to that of our son, who is the same age. Some of the details differ, but key similarities are: depression and anxiety as a youth, an eventual diagnosis as "bipolar", and several psychotic episodes, suicide attempts, a few hospitalizations, and many months in outpatient programs. The "error" we made was similar: we would get input/analysis/diagnosis from one practitioner, then assume it was 100% accurate. "Great! We know what is wrong and what to do now!" The problem was: most specialists were so focused on THEIR specialty, the overlooked the "whole boy". Example: the school child study team folks said "he just needs some assistance with language skills; give him a laptop to take notes in class!" This, for example, totally overlooked his growing -- and severe -- social anxiety. Our mistake was following any given "solution" for too long, sticking with it long after it ran out of steam, not realizing his case may require a second (or third or fourth or fifth) opinion. "You are the pilot of your own craft," I tell him. "Your brain and your body are your craft. You need to figure out what works in your life, and what doesn't. Then you need to turn to your support network around you to help you get more of the former and less of the latter." I tell him this from time to time... and I think he is getting it. A combination of talk therapy, psychiatric care (meds), and loving, supportive parents has lead him to be able to hold down a minimum wage job for the past 18 months, and that social success and spending money is giving him positive reinforcement that he needs to keep at it. Dee: here's wishing much growth and future life success for both our sons... and for any other parent with a child in this situation. |
|
