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Post by ironhamster on Jun 28, 2017 18:05:09 GMT -5
I got a text this morning from the wife. She's finally ready to talk about "our relationship issues." Thus ends "don't ask don't tell." This reddit post seems very timely. All in all, I'd rather that this waited until after my daughter's wedding. Let us all know how it goes! I've officially petitioned for an open marriage, and that petition was denied. Reset sex was offered, and I petitioned that it must not just be that night, but every night, and that petition was also denied. She still thinks she owns my pecker, but, she's wrong. I own my pecker. I got it out of her purse and it's not going back in. |
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Post by beachguy on Jun 28, 2017 18:28:27 GMT -5
Let us all know how it goes! I've officially petitioned for an open marriage, and that petition was denied. Reset sex was offered, and I petitioned that it must not just be that night, but every night, and that petition was also denied. She still thinks she owns my pecker, but, she's wrong. I own my pecker. I got it out of her purse and it's not going back in. Once you understand that YOU own your pecker you've won the war |
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laura
Junior Member
Posts: 72 
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by laura on Jun 28, 2017 18:45:46 GMT -5
Let us all know how it goes! I've officially petitioned for an open marriage, and that petition was denied. Reset sex was offered, and I petitioned that it must not just be that night, but every night, and that petition was also denied. She still thinks she owns my pecker, but, she's wrong. I own my pecker. I got it out of her purse and it's not going back in. Way to take a stand! No one should own anyone else's body unless it is for their mutual enjoyment  So, did you use the talking points from the original post? |
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 28, 2017 19:23:15 GMT -5
As much as I could, laura. I'm not a verbatim kind of guy, but, I think they helped set my resolve. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 28, 2017 19:38:26 GMT -5
As much as I could, laura . I'm not a verbatim kind of guy, but, I think they helped set my resolve. Sounds like a bitter/ sweet victory? A major tipping point for you! |
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 28, 2017 20:44:42 GMT -5
I would say the stalemate continues but the battle lines have moved.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 28, 2017 20:56:23 GMT -5
I would say the stalemate continues but the battle lines have moved. May I also say that " you drew the line in the sand." Once she crosses it it's now up to you to enforce your boundaries, clearly define them and start enforcing them. Words followed by actions. The good things in life worth fighting for are not easy. Small steps my friend. BRAVO! on steps forward! |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2017 13:54:07 GMT -5
I've officially petitioned for an open marriage, and that petition was denied. Reset sex was offered, and I petitioned that it must not just be that night, but every night, and that petition was also denied. She still thinks she owns my pecker, but, she's wrong. I own my pecker. I got it out of her purse and it's not going back in. You have begun the process of changing your life. And if she doesn't enjoy your pecker, that doesn't mean that someone else should not. |
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Moetse Tau
Junior Member
Posts: 87 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Jul 8, 2017 22:46:23 GMT -5
These conversations and this type of talk is where I tend to fail.
I was never taught how to handle conflict, so my emotion is always on the surface. That's what she has learned to manipulate to a T.
Also, she is a communications major and taken classes in persuasive speech, and is extremely skilled in
controlling a conversation.
Every time we have
had a discussion about problems that I have in the relationship, I end up thinking that I was wrong to think I had a problem in the first place.
At one point, she had me believing that I had no empathy nor compassion, then I realized those were precisely the emotions that she was using to manipulate me.
At the very least, at least I am learning to recognize things, then its a matter learning how to calmly communicate, and not get DARVO'ed.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 9, 2017 3:42:27 GMT -5
These conversations and this type of talk is where I tend to fail. I was never taught how to handle conflict, so my emotion is always on the surface. That's what she has learned to manipulate to a T. Also, she is a communications major and taken classes in persuasive speech, and is extremely skilled in controlling a conversation. Every time we have had a discussion about problems that I have in the relationship, I end up thinking that I was wrong to think I had a problem in the first place. At one point, she had me believing that I had no empathy nor compassion, then I realized those were precisely the emotions that she was using to manipulate me. At the very least, at least I am learning to recognize things, then its a matter learning how to calmly communicate, and not get DARVO'ed. Your problem is not that you are being out-negotiated. Your problem is that you still believe that it is possible to negotiate your way into a satisfying sex life. Or that there is any point in doing so, after all these sexless years. It has been proven over and over here that no one can negotiate that. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 10, 2017 14:33:58 GMT -5
These conversations and this type of talk is where I tend to fail. I was never taught how to handle conflict, so my emotion is always on the surface. That's what she has learned to manipulate to a T. Also, she is a communications major and taken classes in persuasive speech, and is extremely skilled in controlling a conversation. Every time we have had a discussion about problems that I have in the relationship, I end up thinking that I was wrong to think I had a problem in the first place. At one point, she had me believing that I had no empathy nor compassion, then I realized those were precisely the emotions that she was using to manipulate me. At the very least, at least I am learning to recognize things, then its a matter learning how to calmly communicate, and not get DARVO'ed. Your problem is not that you are being out-negotiated. Your problem is that you still believe that it is possible to negotiate your way into a satisfying sex life. Or that there is any point in doing so, after all these sexless years. It has been proven over and over here that no one can negotiate that. I would only change what you said to negotiating a successful marriage. The sex life is only one part of that. A successful marriage shouldn't look like a class at Trump University. |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 10, 2017 15:45:49 GMT -5
Your problem is not that you are being out-negotiated. Your problem is that you still believe that it is possible to negotiate your way into a satisfying sex life. Or that there is any point in doing so, after all these sexless years. It has been proven over and over here that no one can negotiate that. I would only change what you said to negotiating a successful marriage. The sex life is only one part of that. A successful marriage shouldn't look like a class at Trump University. Yes, I thought I should have wrapped in general marriage issues after I posted that. Other things in marriage may be more negotiable than sex, but in his case, she doesn't seem interested in compromise. She just seems interested in out-negotiating him at every opportunity. That's a tough enough life without dealing with enforced celibacy on top of it. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 10, 2017 16:36:16 GMT -5
I would only change what you said to negotiating a successful marriage. The sex life is only one part of that. A successful marriage shouldn't look like a class at Trump University. Yes, I thought I should have wrapped in general marriage issues after I posted that. Other things in marriage may be more negotiable than sex, but in his case, she doesn't seem interested in compromise. She just seems interested in out-negotiating him at every opportunity. That's a tough enough life without dealing with enforced celibacy on top of it. I agree with 99% of that. The enforced celibacy with the occasional reset is an excellent tactic from an effectiveness standpoint. If it is executed properly, just enough sex is provided to keep the "fish on the hook" and not exit the pond. The longer the technique is exercised, the tighter the hook is buried (primarily through children and finances). As I said, quite effective. It only becomes a problem when the fish slips the hook and actually breaks free. When that happens, all bets are off and usually results in outsourcing and often in divorce. For those of us who have jumped ponds, it amazes me how long I stayed on that hook, accepting (hell, begging for) crumbs when there is an entire ocean just beyond my pond. |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 10, 2017 17:20:39 GMT -5
Yes, I thought I should have wrapped in general marriage issues after I posted that. Other things in marriage may be more negotiable than sex, but in his case, she doesn't seem interested in compromise. She just seems interested in out-negotiating him at every opportunity. That's a tough enough life without dealing with enforced celibacy on top of it. I agree with 99% of that. The enforced celibacy with the occasional reset is an excellent tactic from an effectiveness standpoint. If it is executed properly, just enough sex is provided to keep the "fish on the hook" and not exit the pond. The longer the technique is exercised, the tighter the hook is buried (primarily through children and finances). As I said, quite effective. It only becomes a problem when the fish slips the hook and actually breaks free. When that happens, all bets are off and usually results in outsourcing and often in divorce. For those of us who have jumped ponds, it amazes me how long I stayed on that hook, accepting (hell, begging for) crumbs when there is an entire ocean just beyond my pond. I salute you for teaching your refuser an important life lesson: If you don't take care of your spouse, eventually someone else will" Corollary: if you have no plans on taking care of your future spouse, you have no business getting married (and see preceding) |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jul 11, 2017 2:42:44 GMT -5
LL= Low libido HL= high libido TY NIK (Now I know hee hee new anacronym) |
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