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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 11, 2018 9:12:25 GMT -5
Patience for me. (Definitely a struggle with a 3 year old )
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Post by h on Dec 11, 2018 9:39:24 GMT -5
Question for today: what personal characteristic do you struggle with the most? For me, I’m very sensitive- I tend to take things personally and get my feelings hurt easily. I’ve learned to manage it throughout the years but still have to be aware of this tendency when interacting with others. I have a tendency to detatch and shut down. I used to be very vocal in expressing my outrage when someone did something wrong or hurtful. After years of marriage where I was told that I was wrong for "yelling" despite never raising my voice, now I'm more likely to just stop talking to someone entirely. If they aren't willing to listen to my feelings then they don't need to hear me at all. I've gotten more cold and distant as a person.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 11, 2018 10:59:22 GMT -5
Question for today: what personal characteristic do you struggle with the most? For me, I’m very sensitive- I tend to take things personally and get my feelings hurt easily. I’ve learned to manage it throughout the years but still have to be aware of this tendency when interacting with others. I have a tendency to detatch and shut down. I used to be very vocal in expressing my outrage when someone did something wrong or hurtful. After years of marriage where I was told that I was wrong for "yelling" despite never raising my voice, now I'm more likely to just stop talking to someone entirely. If they aren't willing to listen to my feelings then they don't need to hear me at all. I've gotten more cold and distant as a person. Oh, h- I can relate completely! This is definitely a symptom of a sexless marriage. When I recognized that this was happening to me, it was the final nail in the coffin of my marriage and is the motivation behind my efforts to leave. I used to be such a warm and loving person and I so want to have that back!
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Post by workingonit on Dec 11, 2018 11:19:53 GMT -5
Question for today: what personal characteristic do you struggle with the most? For me, I’m very sensitive- I tend to take things personally and get my feelings hurt easily. I’ve learned to manage it throughout the years but still have to be aware of this tendency when interacting with others. I have a tendency to detatch and shut down. I used to be very vocal in expressing my outrage when someone did something wrong or hurtful. After years of marriage where I was told that I was wrong for "yelling" despite never raising my voice, now I'm more likely to just stop talking to someone entirely. If they aren't willing to listen to my feelings then they don't need to hear me at all. I've gotten more cold and distant as a person. I cannot like this. It hurts to read it friend.
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Post by workingonit on Dec 11, 2018 11:33:29 GMT -5
I would say I do not let myself be vulnerable or needy. I isolate when I am struggling. I am trying to work on that.
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Post by isthisit on Dec 11, 2018 12:19:05 GMT -5
For me, I can have a tendency to keep putting one foot in front of the other and ‘get on with it’ (whatever ‘it’ is) in the moment, to an extent which is unhelpful in the longer term. I guess this is avoidance, and maybe a sprinkle of cowardice too. Maintaining the equilibrium is easier than dealing with stuff that feels raw.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 11, 2018 15:02:36 GMT -5
I would say I do not let myself be vulnerable or needy. I isolate when I am struggling. I am trying to work on that. I have a tendency to do the same. I work in the virtual world and it’s challenging to form friendships locally. I followed some good advice recently and reached out to some friends virtually. They have been immensely helpful in providing support and in helping me sort out all my conflicting thoughts and emotions.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 11, 2018 17:16:35 GMT -5
To give too much of myself and try to fix or help others with their problems. Sometimes it’s exhausting but most times I thrive on it. I enjoy it. I do control myself to not take on problems that aren’t mine but I actually have to talk myself off the ledge.
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Post by Handy on Dec 11, 2018 17:31:40 GMT -5
Growing up we didn't have much so most of the things we had needed repairs or maintenance. I took these fix-it skills into adulthood and earned a decent living. Now that much of society is in the "throw it away-don't fix-it" mode, my old ideas conflict with some people. It just rubs me the wrong way to see so much stuff in the trash and all of the things people buy on credit. OH, and I like to eat a bit too much attimes so I weigh more than is healthy but i am doing OK and fairly active.
I am getting better at saying what I want but I have a ways to go.
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Post by solodriver on Dec 11, 2018 18:32:33 GMT -5
I need patience also, although I feel like being rejected for sex for 20 years by my wife, has worn out my patience.
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Post by flounder on Dec 11, 2018 19:21:22 GMT -5
I think patience is pretty common. I guess I would have to say self worth,honestly. Rejection for so long really does a number on how you view yourself. It’s hard to take compliments sometimes.
H,I know exactly how you feel.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 12, 2018 6:53:45 GMT -5
Question for today- I’m going to twist it up a bit. We spend a lot of time here talking about the negative aspects of our spouses mainly due to being refused and sexually frustrated. In the spirit of the Holidays, let’s think about something positive. What is one positive characteristic that you can identify in your spouse?
For me- I admire his generosity and compassion for people who are struggling. Last weekend, he spent about 20 minutes walking through a department store looking for people who could use some high value coupons he had collected and did not need. He received excited thank you’s from the ladies and the guys shook his hand and called him a good man. It was a heartwarming gesture to witness.
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Post by isthisit on Dec 12, 2018 12:30:40 GMT -5
Well done SK this is a great QOTD, and I agree with you that while flawed, we all chose our respective partners for some admirable traits (even if things changed thereafter). My H remains a loyal and highly trustworthy man with possibly the most moral integrity of anyone I know. He is exceptionally hardworking, immensely proud of me and loves our family very much. The problems arise from the stuff he doesn’t get, oh- and the absence of a libido of course.
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Post by Handy on Dec 12, 2018 13:42:45 GMT -5
My W takes very good care of her pets, even better than she does of people.
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Post by h on Dec 12, 2018 16:04:41 GMT -5
My W is an excellent friend and caring person. She puts the needs of her friends above herself (and me) regularly despite the fact that some of them blatantly take advantage of her and won't return the the good treatment they received from her. She is generous to a fault for others in need (regardless of how much I have to sacrifice or how many extra hours I have to work to pay the bills that we can't pay due to her generosity).
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