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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2018 21:20:52 GMT -5
Thanks but I work for a lawyer. I've twice before prepared dissolution papers for us, which he had signed. This time, though, he's asking to take a few things from the house with him and asking for time to find a new place to live. Seems sudden, yes, but in truth it's been a long time coming. I've been in therapy over 2 years and on reddit dead bedroom forums for a while too. Just new here. I'm hoping for civil. He seems civil. I just hate this is happening right before xmas and on a weekend the kids are here with me. Maybe that's for the best though. Maybe that will help ensure his departure is smooth and civil. Given this development, be on your lawyers doorstep first thing Sister @whynotm3 (and for newbies, this is a good lesson as to why you need to consult a lawyer nice and early on in proceedings so you know your rights and obligations) Don't underestimate how difficult this is likely to get Sister @whynotm3 . It will really test your resolve. Particularly if he has a rethink, and chooses to try and apply the handbrake and return things to the status quo. Good luck, keep plugged in here as there are plenty of people who have been through the situation you are now just entering. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2018 21:31:06 GMT -5
WOW, that was quick! But maybe not because up until now there has been a stand-off. Now you know where you are headed.
Is there any chance your soon to be X husband has someone he is going to hook up with. I only ask because he was so quick to tell you to draw up the divorce papers, but then again i suppose you two where this ready to divorce before today.
For many guys, having someone to g to makes the separation easier.
Not really .... seems quick cuz I'm new on here but our issues have been going on years now. Doubt he has another girl, but he's also clearly not distraught. That's him though and always been part of our problems. His ego and pride, refusal to work with me, refusal to go to counseling. He will present a strong front, but I am 100% certain this will be harder for him than on me. My gut always said he didn't truly love me. I believe he's incapable of true love. He wanted the status, the image. I gave him that. He resents me for something or somethings. What exactly I dont know and will never know. Oddly, though I know it is over and he is planning his next move right now in our extra bedroom, I'm fairly calm. Almost relieved. This was going to end badly. It is. Just sooner than I was hoping for but everything works out as it's supposed to, right? All things balance out in the wash? I'm sure the tears will come again. But since he insulted me this evening and I had a good breakdown in the tub (my hiding place) there have been no more tears. Even when he threw his wedding ring at me, packed a bag and left the house for a time. No tears. At this moment, I am ok. Ok with the decision. I have been humiliated enough by this man. |
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Post by carl on Dec 14, 2018 23:12:58 GMT -5
Question for today: what personal characteristic do you struggle with the most? For me, I’m very sensitive- I tend to take things personally and get my feelings hurt easily. I’ve learned to manage it throughout the years but still have to be aware of this tendency when interacting with others. I find it hard to communicate well. People have told me that. I am clever in a lot of ways but I have to accept I am not as nimble as other people when it comes to communication. Find it difficult to pick the right words for the thoughts I am having and say them too sometimes. Not speaking can come across rude. I am ok once I get going. Gets better with practice. But I can find it hard still sometimes. |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 15, 2018 2:18:02 GMT -5
What is one positive characteristic that you can identify in your spouse? Well, she has fantastic taste in men, of course! 😂 W is very attractive, thoughtful, and kind; she’s smarter than she gives herself credit for, despite encouragement. (Excellent Q, BTW.) |
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Post by lwoetin on Dec 15, 2018 10:15:45 GMT -5
WOW, that was quick! But maybe not because up until now there has been a stand-off. Now you know where you are headed.
Is there any chance your soon to be X husband has someone he is going to hook up with. I only ask because he was so quick to tell you to draw up the divorce papers, but then again i suppose you two where this ready to divorce before today.
For many guys, having someone to g to makes the separation easier.
Not really .... seems quick cuz I'm new on here but our issues have been going on years now. Doubt he has another girl, but he's also clearly not distraught. That's him though and always been part of our problems. His ego and pride, refusal to work with me, refusal to go to counseling. He will present a strong front, but I am 100% certain this will be harder for him than on me. My gut always said he didn't truly love me. I believe he's incapable of true love. He wanted the status, the image. I gave him that. He resents me for something or somethings. What exactly I dont know and will never know. Oddly, though I know it is over and he is planning his next move right now in our extra bedroom, I'm fairly calm. Almost relieved. This was going to end badly. It is. Just sooner than I was hoping for but everything works out as it's supposed to, right? All things balance out in the wash? I'm sure the tears will come again. But since he insulted me this evening and I had a good breakdown in the tub (my hiding place) there have been no more tears. Even when he threw his wedding ring at me, packed a bag and left the house for a time. No tears. At this moment, I am ok. Ok with the decision. I have been humiliated enough by this man. Your husband hasn't fully matured into an adult yet. I'm sorry. I'm glad your bath helped you find release and reflection. Our marriages all have the potential to blow up. |
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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 15, 2018 17:04:14 GMT -5
WOW, that was quick! But maybe not because up until now there has been a stand-off. Now you know where you are headed.
Is there any chance your soon to be X husband has someone he is going to hook up with. I only ask because he was so quick to tell you to draw up the divorce papers, but then again i suppose you two where this ready to divorce before today.
For many guys, having someone to g to makes the separation easier.
Not really .... seems quick cuz I'm new on here but our issues have been going on years now. Doubt he has another girl, but he's also clearly not distraught. That's him though and always been part of our problems. His ego and pride, refusal to work with me, refusal to go to counseling. He will present a strong front, but I am 100% certain this will be harder for him than on me. My gut always said he didn't truly love me. I believe he's incapable of true love. He wanted the status, the image. I gave him that. He resents me for something or somethings. What exactly I dont know and will never know. Oddly, though I know it is over and he is planning his next move right now in our extra bedroom, I'm fairly calm. Almost relieved. This was going to end badly. It is. Just sooner than I was hoping for but everything works out as it's supposed to, right? All things balance out in the wash? I'm sure the tears will come again. But since he insulted me this evening and I had a good breakdown in the tub (my hiding place) there have been no more tears. Even when he threw his wedding ring at me, packed a bag and left the house for a time. No tears. At this moment, I am ok. Ok with the decision. I have been humiliated enough by this man. Wishing you luck and a smooth process @whynotm3 I’m sorry it sounded like a blow up fight but I hope it will be for the best and by the sounds of it, it probably will. Sending hugs and strength your way! |
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Post by solodriver on Dec 15, 2018 19:16:23 GMT -5
Sending you warm thoughts and hugs your way!  |
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Post by sadkat on Dec 17, 2018 9:16:26 GMT -5
Question for today:
What was one thing your parents taught you that stayed with you?
For me - if I committed to being somewhere at a specific time, I needed to be prompt. Arrive on time or even early. Lateness was never acceptable. To this day, I get stressed out when I’m running late!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 10:17:02 GMT -5
My mom taught me the value of family. She showed us how to love and support family, even during difficult times and despite differences of opinions. She showed us the value of family gatherings, making time to see and speak with each other, and keeping the family in tact, even as everyone slowly started to have families of their own and moved away.
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Post by h on Dec 17, 2018 14:06:26 GMT -5
My father taught me self reliance. Working hard can get you ahead and sacrifices now can mean security later. Living within my means is expected. If I ever ended up on public assistance it would be nobody's fault but my own. He taught me to have pride in my work no matter what it was because working anywhere is better than not working.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 17, 2018 15:21:16 GMT -5
My father taught me self reliance. Working hard can get you ahead and sacrifices now can mean security later. Living within my means is expected. If I ever ended up on public assistance it would be nobody's fault but my own. He taught me to have pride in my work no matter what it was because working anywhere is better than not working. I love this! h- sounds like your father was an excellent role model! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 17, 2018 15:52:44 GMT -5
My parents, mostly my mother, where BIG on school and after school activities. You name it, it happened. They encouraged it and where involved in it.
I hope I passed that along to my kids as well.
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
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Post by catsloveme on Dec 17, 2018 15:57:13 GMT -5
My mom taught me that I'm in charge of me. Shit happens, but it's up to me as to how I deal with it. I'm the one driving the bus.
My dad told me over and over, "If you're going to do something, don't do it half-assed."
Both of them taught me a strong work ethic, self-reliance, and to think for myself.
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Post by Handy on Dec 17, 2018 16:03:28 GMT -5
My stepfather was often angry. My mother was easy going. I lived with my easygoing brother. I likes the life my mother and brother had so I decided to NOT be like my stepdad.
Working taught me more good things about life than when I was younger so in a way i am self taught.
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Post by h on Dec 17, 2018 17:47:49 GMT -5
My father taught me self reliance. Working hard can get you ahead and sacrifices now can mean security later. Living within my means is expected. If I ever ended up on public assistance it would be nobody's fault but my own. He taught me to have pride in my work no matter what it was because working anywhere is better than not working. I love this! h - sounds like your father was an excellent role model! I have a very conservative family and this ethic is all-important. My father isn't really religious but work ethic was like a religion to his family and to not work and ask for hand outs was like blasphemy. His grandparents immigrated to the US in 1899 with almost nothing. They became farmers and then got into masonry work also. Most of my uncles and cousins have also served in the military. Hard work runs deep. I'm thankful for his example on that, but as for being a role model, that was his one trick pony. He was angry all the time, belittled my mother and talked down to her. He blamed us kids every time HE misplaced something that nobody would have any reason to touch. The littlest annoyances would set him off and you could show him proof when he was wrong and he still wouldn't admit it. My mother eventually divorced him but not before he hid a bunch of assets in his brother's name so she got screwed in that deal. Every other aspect of his life was an example of what not to do. We spend time together now and get along better but more as distant friends than father and son. To his credit, he has never spoken negatively about my mother in front of me. That's about all I can say. |
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Given this development, be on your lawyers doorstep first thing Sister @whynotm3 (and for newbies, this is a good lesson as to why you need to consult a lawyer nice and early on in proceedings so you know your rights and obligations)
