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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 10, 2023 22:17:43 GMT -5
GC: " I've been invited by two of my friend zone older DPO's, on a 7 day Halloween dance cruise on the largest cruise ship in the world! Again it comes down to,we need more men who can dance with us! Platonic only!" I still don't understand why you are sure that none of those women are romantically interested in you. I don't see how you've ever made a move on any of them. If I were one of the women, I'd think that you weren't looking for a partner because from what you've described, you've never taken the time to get to know any of them or to see if they'd like to go out. I have received phone numbers, names,emails, daily texts for entire seasons, etc... the excuses arise, how busy they are, their families, their work, etc... but save me a dance!!, again very surfacey, and non committal.
To these women I'm the friend you feel safe with, who walks you to your car, asks you out for one on one time, ( you're too busy but have hours and hours of time for dancing with large groups of people) receives the " hug' goodnight, but it will never be anything more than that, because I've been put in the friend zone. Just days ago I had a sit down at the park, and had a one on one talk, with a woman whom has been giving me nothing but mixed signals,and was caught lying. She's An example of the ones who say "I'm not ready to date anyone' and is secretly dating someone. She respects and wants me more now for dropping her and ending things. I'd rather not get into her/it at this time.( she cried and apologized for misleading me)
As for going on the cruise -- what's to lose? There definitely will be women on the cruise who are interested in romance. You wouldn't have to confine your socializing to just the women you know from the dance party. I didn't say I wasn't going. And can easily meet other women. The women who invite me have made it very clear in their words and actions that 'they are AGAINST " dating people in the dance community". They're also hypocrits, much older than me, and want to mentor me, not date me!! It's also a financial decision, since my son is coming home from jail in 2 weeks.And how do you really know that none of the women you meet at the parties are looking for romance? Even if they aren't, they still could become interested in you if you get to know them. Many of them are married, and a decade,or more older than me. It has nothing to do with liking me as a person...it's all about my dance knowledge.
When a slow song, ( hold each other close and barely move song) is played you get a very good idea of what's in the room. Most of the crowd goes right to the floor with, their H/W, friend of many years, dance partner,and who knows what else? leaving few people still seated. Being left seated during the very slow music, is part of being the "new guy" on the scene. (hence finding the needle in a hay stack) I wasn't looking for romance with him when my now partner of 10 years asked me out. I didn't think he was my type so considered it only a practice date since the last new person I'd dated was my now ex, and we had started dating 36 years earlier. lately ( the past 1yr.) I seem to attract, or go after, the covert narcissist ( I try not to over use that tittle!) or the fear of commitment type. However.. it takes TIME, a season or two to cut through all the mind games, and diagnose this woman for who she really is. Then heal for a while and start over.
Time is short, I don't have time for these mind games. (or practice dates) These women start opening up to me with their personal stories and problems (sometimes on the dance floor and the times when where seated between lessons and dances-with them pressing their legs onto mine, touching me as they talk to me,etc....you know flirting,bantering!) and after months of receiving good vibes,and having one on one conversations I let them know,
" I'm at a good place with myself and I have that to offer. I'm looking for a long term relationship, a commitment. I don't want to be the fill in guy, the attention guy. I'm not getting younger. I have boundaries, if they're not enforced, they're worthless! I want to feel desired ,cherished, and respected back! It's summertime! So many one on one things to do! Not 7 days a week of group socializing ( dancing) ( not any where near my top 2 love languages.) I need quality time, I want consistency, stability, and trust. I offer that back in abundance! Someone who is sure they want to be with me ( not a back up choice)
That's when you find out---they are scared of a commitment!! (like my now ex woman who ran to a FWB.... sadly, for her,that dissolved over a season and she came crawling back...I block and avoid her.)
But over dinner, I learned how much my now partner and I had in common, and I was impressed by his values, character, and charm.I thought that at least he could be a good friend. The next time we went out, a few weeks later, I told him, I never wanted to marry or live with someone again but I would consider a monogamous FWB relationship. A few months later, we had sex for the first time. Wow!' Two months later, we were a couple. A year later, we decided to live together, and have been living together ever since. Yes I (give up-end things) on women- people- who lie, words mean things, actions speak louder than words. When they don't know what they want, are all wishy washy, indecisive, very insecure and have problems that I don't need and can't fix, it's all Red flags! In many of your past posts to me these are kind of potential partners that you would tell people ( me) " I would have dumped them on the first date".I think you give up too soon. Also what others say about the women may not be true. Some people in the community theater group where I met my now partner thought he was a player. He isn't.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 11, 2023 11:53:22 GMT -5
I am going to get railed for this. đ± northstarmom Are you saying women say one thing and do another? The next time we went out, a few weeks later, I told him, I never wanted to marry or live with someone again but I would consider a monogamous FWB relationship. A few months later, we had sex for the first time. Wow!' Two months later, we were a couple. A year later, we decided to live together, and have been living together ever since.
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Post by tinymouse on Jul 12, 2023 22:20:15 GMT -5
It's a good thing to stay aware of those red flags, and judge accordingly. Some people are undatable, some are not relationship material, and some are. My condolences on the loss of a friend, however idiosyncratic she was. I'm currently learning more and more about being friend-zoned. The dance community ( and other hobbies,activities that are highly recommended after a divorce,widow, and recovery from a SM)  What signs to look for,and when to move on, while being content at remaining single. I've been taking dance lessons for a year now and going out dancing ( 5-6 days a week) quite steadily.  There's the good and the bad in group activities, like dancing. (I'll be 60 yrs. old come Oct. yet I out-dance many a 20 yr. old!) For example, last Friday I went to a local Hotel/restaurant/bar that has a large outdoor deck right along the beach. There's a group of people who post what restaurants and what band will be playing 5 nights a week. I'd say, 90% of this crowd free style dances and doesn't know ballroom dancing ,like I do . Also about 75% of the crowd likes to sit, talk,eat and drink.  I'm very used to going to dance studios where I dance every song, but with the same few people week after week- friend-zone. So, in short, I go to the hotel alone, find a seat at the end of a table ( mostly alone, see a few people from the 'dance community-ball room dancing") and instantly get to be the best dancer there! I get told " you're a great dancer, you're the best, you're a good lead, that was amazing, are you an instructor? How long have you been dancing?, you have great timing, etc.... All wonderful compliments!! ( I also dance with the 20 something bride to be who's having a party there, I show the younger kids there how to dance, I talk with the band members the staff, I socialize!) I see people literally pointing at me, talking about me from 12 tables across the room, ( in a positive way) I get told by my friend-zone women " you're quite the Casanova!! LOL" I get told by the woman who heads the group, " go over to that table those two women like to dance". I walk over there and look at all three women and easily, without regret or hesitation, say"would any of you like to dance?" They look at me like I just said " hi, I've got an STD! LOL" They seem super afraid and nervous? I then have to literally take a few steps back and say " It's okay, the song, it's A Rumba, it's slow, smooth, easy, it's a nice break". I then show them " like this- HOLD...2,3". One of them says " I'll try" (like she's doing me a favor") By the end of a very long song she has done a complete 180. ( no pun intended) She's all aglow and saying to me " that was fun! Thank you so much! I really enjoyed that! You made that easy!" Of course I compliment her and tell her " you did great, I liked that too, you make me look good, thanks for the dance!" Then comes ,"are you coming back? Please ask me to dance again with you!" Then comes the truth.... a line that makes me cringe.... " we need more men!" Now is when I feel very used. Like I'm just entertainment, a fill in, the 'other guy'. I arrive alone, and leave alone. I then go home to my wonderful, quite, peaceful home, and stand alone on a moonlit night remembering how I cherished standing in the driveway with my arms wrapped around my woman enjoying our quality time together! Getting to know someone off the dance floor is like finding the needle in a hay stack! Wondering when will someone want to know more about the real "greatcoastal"? I have people to mentor me, and I get told, when you least expect it you're going to find someone again! The hard part is to continue to " put my self out there "and dealing with the friend-zone. I've overloaded myself with books and videos about escaping the friend-zone, how to date a woman, what woman want in a man, beware of red flags, etc.... It's hard, and complicated...life goes on!!  Thanks for reading! I could go on, and on, but I hope as you read this, you get the point. Don't take the "we need more men" as an insult. I'm a ballroom social dancers as well. I can follow well and know most dances well enough for the lead not to be frustrated. The problem we women have foundation at dance parties is lack of competent male dancers. And so we end up dancing a lot less than we wish we would because we don't monopolize and have to share. I have gone to several ballroom socials where out of 2 hours I got to dance maybe 3 times. But also if you are new to the studio, give it more time. Give them time to get to know you. Go to the party and see if at some point you can sit with them and talk and just build the foundation from there. Thing too is a lot of women that go there may be attached and their partner just not able to dance or to come to dance parties. I go all the time on my own because my husband can't dance. Over time I became friends with one gentleman with whom I mostly dance now since it is one of 3 semi competent dancers that will actually dance with more than one partner. But it took time.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 12, 2023 23:33:38 GMT -5
GC: I think you're too focused on finding a partner, and you are too little focused on having fun and getting to know people, not just to find a partner, but also to make friends. Even how you described your experience sounds depressing: "arrived alone," "left alone."
The times I have met people who became my partner, I was having fun, not on the hunt. The happier I have been, the more fulfilling my life has been -- those were the times when I attracted good partners. I've mentioned I met my current partner about 13 years ago through community theater. It was a troupe started by a lesbian couple and it had a lot of LGBT people. It was the last place I'd have gone to look for a romantic partner. Still, that's where I met my partner, who, as was the case with me, was in the troupe because he likes to act and do and write comedy.
When it comes to you, I'm wondering if you're dancing and taking classes because you love dancing or because you have heard it's a great way to meet women. Because if you're there because you love dancing, you wouldn't be looking at every interaction with women there to see if you're being friend-zoned. You'd be looking to meet women whom you enjoy dancing with, and you might be delighted that there are a plethora of women with whom to dance.
You've also mentioned that women talked about themselves but didn't ask about you. You need to also share info about yourself even if they don't ask. They may be viewing you as someone who doesn't want to talk about himself. There really are people who ask others lots of questions but aren't willing to talk about themselves.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 13, 2023 18:18:25 GMT -5
Thanks very much for taking the time to respond to my post! It's encouraging to hear from a fellow dancer!Don't take the "we need more men" as an insult. I'm a ballroom social dancer as well. I can follow well and know most dances well enough for the lead not to be frustrated. The problem we women have found at dance parties is lack of competent male dancers. And so we end up dancing a lot less than we wish we would because we don't monopolize and have to share. I can understand these problems with "less experienced, or just less competent" dancers, and personally relate. I see it happen often to the women, and the same happens to me. I should also mention the opposite occurs, the dancer who has decades of experience and you feel like you didn't come close to keeping up with them. Some of the places I dance at have " hosts- male dance instructors with 30 yrs. experience who charge 3 women for 2 to 3 hrs of dancing during the night of open dance. In between dances the women come up and ask me for a dance because i'm relatively close to keeping up with the 'hosts', in reality it's my one year of steady learning vrs 30 yrs experience! "we don't monopolize and have to share" - a good point! I've experienced both sides of this. A woman who tells me " I could easily keep dancing with you, but I don't want to hog you, I should let the other ladies get to dance with you". And I have said the same to the same woman. " I don't want to hog you, I could dance with you all night, but I know the other men want to dance with you too". Ironically, by the end of the evening we end up telling each other " I looked for you when they played Night Club 2, and the Cha Cha, and you where supper busy dancing with the other ladies/men".
I have gone to several ballroom socials where out of 2 hours I got to dance maybe 3 times. Maybe not 3 times, ( more than that) but I've sat out many a dance because the competent dancers are taken. But also if you are new to the studio, give it more time. Give them time to get to know you. Go to the party and see if at some point you can sit with them and talk and just build the foundation from there. I'm not really new, it's been a year now.This rarely happens. I've attempted " get to know you time" and men come right up, interrupt your conversation and ask the woman to dance. ( many women seem okay with that?) 100% of the time the women say " sorry, gotta go" and go dancing. Practically all of them have a mentality of " I'm here to dance, you can come and interrupt when i'm speaking with a man".. ( quoting their exact words) These same women then begin to talk, and talk, with me while dancing!! and I have to say "Can we talk later? I can't get beyond my basic steps and I need to think about what i'm doing! LOL! This is when you do much better having a lengthy conversation in the parking lot after the dance, or texts on the phone, or a dinner date. ( very rare that this happens)
Thing too is a lot of women that go there may be attached and their partner just not able to dance or to come to dance parties. This is a large % of the women. Or there are a lot of couples who arrive and don't talk or dance with anyone else. I go all the time on my own because my husband can't dance. I know several women like this. Then their are the single, divorced, widowed ones who go dancing 7 days a week and are afraid of commitment, and dancing is the perfect place for them. One dance and on to the next man, or the poor guy who thinks -she really likes me- but she's using him as DPO Dance Partner Only. Then there's the sit out and talk with friends women ( otherwise known as - the woman's table) Over time I became friends with one gentleman with whom I mostly dance now since it is one of 3 semi competent dancers that will actually dance with more than one partner. But it took time. I can name 10 women (or more) who are my DPO and we alternate between other men and women. Sure, it's a fun time, a good time, a time of continual practice and learning, upping my socializing skills. However, I see nothing wrong with still wanting, hoping, to meet a woman who I can eventually date and dance with at the same time! A long term commitment.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 18, 2023 7:39:05 GMT -5
My belief is that women want to date up. The ones that ask, "where are all the men" typically are looking for the guy that is over six foot, strictly white collar, with an unrealistic amount of income. These guys are rare, and they have options so they are unobtainable by them, but the guys they COULD have a meaningful relationship with are invisible to them. I think you are doing ok. You are out there and available, making connections. But, dayum. I'm not sure what to say beyond that. I would expect things to be working better. Pearl shocked them with this statistic. Women weigh more than men.
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 18, 2023 20:31:45 GMT -5
Interesting. Oh. The "Dad Bod" thing. I believe the Dad Bod attraction is less popular than women claim. A Dad Bod might be security because it IS less attractive and makes it harder for a man to stray. Those multiple limitations, over six foot, white collar good paying job, handsome, etc, are limiting their dating to the man that is already dating multiple women. Here is an odd story. An STD outbreak, and women are being affected. One theory is that men are less likely to know they are infected, but I would expect most people to get checked out. Another theory is that most of these women are dating a much smaller selective group of men. www.cnn.com/2023/07/15/health/houston-syphilis-outbreak/index.html
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Post by isthisit on Aug 21, 2023 16:27:01 GMT -5
Interesting. Oh. The "Dad Bod" thing. I believe the Dad Bod attraction is less popular than women claim. A Dad Bod might be security because it IS less attractive and makes it harder for a man to stray. Those multiple limitations, over six foot, white collar good paying job, handsome, etc, are limiting their dating to the man that is already dating multiple women. Here is an odd story. An STD outbreak, and women are being affected. One theory is that men are less likely to know they are infected, but I would expect most people to get checked out. Another theory is that most of these women are dating a much smaller selective group of men. www.cnn.com/2023/07/15/health/houston-syphilis-outbreak/index.htmlI would love to argue with this point, but without thinking too hard I can identify all too many women who focus on these male âattributesâ. So, just a gentle reminder that not all of us are. An electrician with a dad bod who makes me laugh, knows all about the off-side rule and is kind hearted will do just nicely for this white collar, well paid woman. Iâm so not six foot though.
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Post by isthisit on Aug 23, 2023 14:43:11 GMT -5
Interesting. Oh. The "Dad Bod" thing. I believe the Dad Bod attraction is less popular than women claim. A Dad Bod might be security because it IS less attractive and makes it harder for a man to stray. Those multiple limitations, over six foot, white collar good paying job, handsome, etc, are limiting their dating to the man that is already dating multiple women. Here is an odd story. An STD outbreak, and women are being affected. One theory is that men are less likely to know they are infected, but I would expect most people to get checked out. Another theory is that most of these women are dating a much smaller selective group of men. www.cnn.com/2023/07/15/health/houston-syphilis-outbreak/index.htmlI have been thinking about this hypothesis that the guy with the white collar job, nice salary, attractive etc apparently has his pick of willing women. So, does this work in reverse? Is a woman with the same profile necessarily as attractive to men? I suspect less so, if at all. Perhaps itâs the culture in my location, or the generation of men my age, or both, but men where I live seem to see a woman who is successful, financially independent and smart as problematic rather than additionally appealing. It can feel like a lot of men have reservations about an equal and aim âlowerâ to feel secure. This is my experience and also many of my female friends report the same thing. I loathe the idea of anyone being âmore thanâ or âlowerâ than anyone else, but it does seem to be a thing. Do women aim up, and men aim down? And why?
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 23, 2023 16:00:47 GMT -5
Interesting. Oh. The "Dad Bod" thing. I believe the Dad Bod attraction is less popular than women claim. A Dad Bod might be security because it IS less attractive and makes it harder for a man to stray. Those multiple limitations, over six foot, white collar good paying job, handsome, etc, are limiting their dating to the man that is already dating multiple women. Here is an odd story. An STD outbreak, and women are being affected. One theory is that men are less likely to know they are infected, but I would expect most people to get checked out. Another theory is that most of these women are dating a much smaller selective group of men. www.cnn.com/2023/07/15/health/houston-syphilis-outbreak/index.htmlI have been thinking about this hypothesis that the guy with the white collar job, nice salary, attractive etc apparently has his pick of willing women. So, does this work in reverse? Is a woman with the same profile necessarily as attractive to men? I suspect less so, if at all. Perhaps itâs the culture in my location, or the generation of men my age, or both, but men where I live seem to see a woman who is successful, financially independent and smart as problematic rather than additionally appealing. It can feel like a lot of men have reservations about an equal and aim âlowerâ to feel secure. This is my experience and also many of my female friends report the same thing. I loathe the idea of anyone being âmore thanâ or âlowerâ than anyone else, but it does seem to be a thing. Do women aim up, and men aim down? And why? I have to start out with, most men, but not me... Most men are biologically attracted to younger women. It's not dating down so much as an ingrained reproductive urge which is more sure among younger women and gets harder as women get older. Guys don't think about women in terms of earnings potential, and some don't even seem to care if they can cook. Women, I believe, do tend to aim up. Women tend to want security, although the definition of what security is will vary. Physical strength, celebrity status, high pay, etc. In the case of guys like greatcoastal and me, if I can assume we are about on the same page, we are past that point where having kids is part of the thought process, and would prefer a partner in the same stage of life to connect with.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 1, 2023 9:01:21 GMT -5
I have been thinking about this hypothesis that the guy with the white collar job, nice salary, attractive etc apparently has his pick of willing women. So, does this work in reverse? Is a woman with the same profile necessarily as attractive to men? I suspect less so, if at all. Perhaps itâs the culture in my location, or the generation of men my age, or both, but men where I live seem to see a woman who is successful, financially independent and smart as problematic rather than additionally appealing. It can feel like a lot of men have reservations about an equal and aim âlowerâ to feel secure. This is my experience and also many of my female friends report the same thing. I loathe the idea of anyone being âmore thanâ or âlowerâ than anyone else, but it does seem to be a thing. Do women aim up, and men aim down? And why? I have to start out with, most men, but not me... Most men are biologically attracted to younger women. It's not dating down so much as an ingrained reproductive urge which is more sure among younger women and gets harder as women get older. Guys don't think about women in terms of earnings potential, and some don't even seem to care if they can cook. Women, I believe, do tend to aim up. Women tend to want security, although the definition of what security is will vary. Physical strength, celebrity status, high pay, etc. In the case of guys like greatcoastal and me, if I can assume we are about on the same page, we are past that point where having kids is part of the thought process, and would prefer a partner in the same stage of life to connect with. Women, I believe, do tend to aim up.
This brings up a question: If this is true, that women are aiming up? Then what does it say about where they are now? Apparently, average, is the correct answer. Not in the top 10%! However, they want a 666 ( man with a 6 pack abbs, a 6 figure income, and over 6 ft. tall- the 1%) Then these same women when asked " so what do you bring to the table?" get easily offended. They also consider themselves a 10! I continue to search in my age bracket (55-60 yrs. old) and find women in the "I really don't know what I want from a man" category. So they are content remaining in the just looking, just a friend, who needs a steady ego boost, but no sex or intimacy, no commitment on their part, mostly entertainment. lately the 5 or 6 single men ( me included) that show up at the dance studios in the dance community, are no longer participating. They're looking for a date, not just a " one dance and I'm done, thanks for entertaining me, being used as a second choice". That gets old after a short time.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 6, 2023 13:24:27 GMT -5
GreatCoastal " I am going to get railed for this. đ±
northstarmom Are you saying women say one thing and do another? [He was referring to what I'd said, which I posted below]
northstarmom said: The next time we went out, a few weeks later, I told him, I never wanted to marry or live with someone again but I would consider a monogamous FWB relationship.
A few months later, we had sex for the first time. Wow!'
Two months later, we were a couple. A year later, we decided to live together, and have been living together ever since."
GC, My words and experience demonstrate that I was showing that women can change their minds. I told him exactly what I felt at that time, which was our third date. I had no interest in living together or marrying again but only wanted a monogamous FWB relationship. In fact, I secretly planned to have a series of brief, monogamous FWB relationships. I really didn't want to settle down.
FWIW if he'd asked my intentions before asking me out the first time, if I'd been honest, I would have said I was welcoming the chance for a practice date and he seemed safe. FWIW I had absolutely no sexual attraction for him. I didn't even think he was attractive. Although we'd been in a theater group together for about 3 years, I didn't know him more than as an acquaintance. I wasn't even sure he'd make the friend zone.
On our first date, I realized he was very interesting and figured that at least we could be friends. On our second date, he kissed me and -- wow-- I realized I had a sexual attraction for him and he could become a FWB.
It wasn't until we had been having sex for about 6 weeks, which was about 5 months after our first date (our dates were spread widely apart because I had a very busy schedule as I was working and preparing for 2 major theater roles), that I realized that I loved him. A year later I moved in with him. We've now been together 10 years.
My point is that just because a woman considers you a friend or potential friend doesn't mean there's no hope for things to change. As a woman gets to know you, she may feel very differently about you. Also, don't only do activities to meet women. Where I met my partner was the last place I would have gone to meet a potential lover. It was a theater group that was about 3/4 gay men and women. I joined it because I liked their productions and found the troupe members to be welcoming and fun. I know at least 3 other hetero couples who met each other in that troupe -- again not because they were on the hunt, but because they enjoyed the troupe.
I remember your former partner. She was a step up from your wife, but still wasn't great as she'd disappear for long periods of time. She was flaky and unreliable. If you and she hit it off from the first and became lovers virtually immediately, you may have an unrealistic expectation for how healthy romances progress and you may be not noticing or writing off women too early.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 6, 2023 13:37:02 GMT -5
"Jul 8, 2023 at 11:47pm ironhamster said: My belief is that women want to date up. The ones that ask, "where are all the men" typically are looking for the guy that is over six foot, strictly white collar, with an unrealistic amount of income. These guys are rare, and they have options so they are unobtainable by them, but the guys they COULD have a meaningful relationship with are invisible to them."
I have not seen any evidence that women are only looking for the kind of man you suggest. That's like saying men who can't find women are only looking for model-thin, big boobed women who are in their 20s.
Most of us on this site are 40-+70. Women are not expecting to find a man with 6 pack abs, a white collar job, and a more than 6 figure income.
The older women get, the more important to them are traits like: honesty and being an interesting person with good communication skills. Such men don't have to look like models (next to none do) to be considered desirable. They don't even have to have all of their hair or a slim waistline. A huge plus is to not be bitter/angry about women in general or about their ex.
And truth is, the older you get, the more the odds are in men's favor because men are more likely to date younger women and the male:female ratio becomes more and more in men's favor because women tend to outlive men. I see and know men who are grossly overweight, or have a disability or aren't particularly good looking with women who are younger and better looking and seem to be with the men out of love, not for money.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 7, 2023 15:16:21 GMT -5
GreatCoastal " I am going to get railed for this. đ± northstarmom Are you saying women say one thing and do another? [He was referring to what I'd said, which I posted below] Greatings!! These where not my words. Jul 11, 2023 12:53:22 GMT -4 TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo said:I am going to get railed for this. đ± northstarmom Are you saying women say one thing and do another? GC, My words and experience demonstrate that I was showing that women can change their minds. Then communicate that from the beginning. An example : I'm looking forward to going out on a few dates with you so I can learn more about you,and you about me, and see if we make a good match."
If only life was easier and people weren't afraid to be more direct and honest, instead of " I don't want to hurt their feelings" say " I don't like you" when in reality they like stringing you along and receiving ( taking, taking, taking) your attention ,lust and admiration....not good!
When someone does like you, believe me, they make time for you and will let you know it!
Are their these few instances where people are rebounding, recovering, new to dating again and will make mistakes? Yes. Maybe they do need some time, but in general you're better off to not play the waiting game.I remember your former partner. She was a step up from your wife, but still wasn't great as she'd disappear for long periods of time. She was flaky and unreliable. If you and she hit it off from the first and became lovers virtually immediately, you may have an unrealistic expectation for how healthy romances progress and you may be not noticing or writing off women too early. Yes. She was a step up. However she did stay for long periods of time ( a year-total of 3 yrs) and disapear for short periods ( 1 to 2 weeks), her fear of commitment. A problem of hers that shows in many other aspects of her life. Things did start with the physical, and we where able to slow things down and focus on all the other parts of a healthy relationship while continuing the romance. Today for example I'm in touch with 6 different women ( the king of text-lol!) 5 of those are in the friend zone . 4 dance partners. ( I'll dance with 3 of them tonight) And a new dance partner with the chance of more. taking it slow and hoping for a chance to shoot my shot, ask her out, make all the arrangements, and get to know more about her.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 7, 2023 20:32:43 GMT -5
GC: "Then communicate that from the beginning. An example : I'm looking forward to going out on a few dates with you so I can learn more about you,and you about me, and see if we make a good match."
But that wasn't what I wanted. I spoke my truth at that time. I genuinely had no interest in finding a man to live with or marry. I just wanted a FWB. Being with him as a FWB and learning about him changed my mind and caused me to fall in love with him and to be willing to live with him. If he'd written me off because I said I wasn't interested in a long-term relationship, we both would have missed out. It was time with him that made the difference. He asked me out in December for a date in February. We went on the February date, went on 2 march dates, and I think one April date before having sex. We were sexually intimate for 2 months before we agreed that we were a couple and we didn't move in together til the next year. Now, 10 years later, we're still happily together.
But if he had tried to rush me or had written me off, we wouldn't be together. There's nothing wrong with being friends, real friends, and seeing if it develops into more.
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