Its all about money , the older you get it gets worse. Jun 3, 2016 10:02:58 GMT -5 lwoetin likes this
Post by darstar on Jun 3, 2016 10:02:58 GMT -5
Its as old as time itself , finances in a relationship be it in marriage , common union , inheritance , brother and sister , its the number one way to advance control over others.As we age the problems divert to security/money matters directly, how we deal with them differently when retirement, health care, comfort, become reality.
These days , the new sixty has become like fifty , and the new seventy can feel like 60 or younger, lets face it , people are living longer and should be living happier as a result. Unfortunately relationships do not always follow the same and can lead to the advancement of " gray divorce" or estrangement of couples all because of finances and ones ability to control the money, the income. I feel my own problems could be text book for so many unhappy folks out there, most who just will not talk about it, they have given up. Personally the difference in age ( she is 8 years younger ) was never a problem like it is now. I thought these past 40 years that when I turned seventy I would have a younger wife that could pick up some of the steam I would loose with age, if nothing else post pone retirement a little longer , we could do more things and not have to worry about money and stuff and living on a fixed income.........well it did not turn out that way totally and brought on other issues that again revolved around money. When I decided to retire from my small service business I had created over 40 years ago then, I never thought I would hear the words. " I love you, but just not in a sexual way anymore" , it got worse , " understand it is NOT ME , its only you I feel that way about and I would never cheat on you , no its nothing like that, its just you and the years of stress brought on by your drinking too much and the embarrassment" . I thought a lot about those words, yes as the business was failing I sorta knew that, and I was acting out the stress by drinking more. Granted, she was always around, we were very social and had many friends all around the Globe, we worked in the same office as I had hired her many years ago to be the account in the business. I had over the years turned over everything to do with money to Her, I was the creator, the income maker , the guy that made things happen. If we wanted more stuff, I just worked harder and craftier ...and it would come to be. Never did I think all these years she was unhappy , yes sometimes during lean times She worried over paying the bills, the employees, and still be able to do all the things together we had grown accustomed to but I never thought we had personally a problem, it was never discussed. She always was and still is , tight lipped , kept all her real feelings close. I thought over the years that would change, it did not, we never talked...until that day 12 years ago when I retired way too early from a failing business that I did not know was in as bad a shape , again Her /me not talking about anything that could effect the happiness in our relationship.
This rant is getting way too long, so here in a nut shell is...the rest of the story. I quit drinking 12 years ago, not a drop since. The business went into a tailspin when I found out She owed the IRS 150,000 in back payroll taxes. I sold vintage cars to pay off the IRS. The business after 40 plus years became insolvent and filed for bankruptcy She ,with my help, became the front person servicing our long time customers as an agent , a new Corporation with two owners, thats it , a new beginning.We moved, sold the house and I spent the next 6 years building our retirement home on a mountaintop overlooking the largest freshwater lake in the world..... I put off the lack of closeness between us and concentrated, I felt very alone , but busy with my hands and being creative once more . Business became good again, money rolled in, and I had no control over the income. She on the other hand did have control over everything, no sex now for 12 years , She refused help with our relationship, went once then quit and I continued for a year , every week, but for nothing. WE get along well otherwise, whenever I look unhappy she buys something that will divert my thoughts, and of coarse extend our debt and ensure the need for her to keep going with the business, which she says she will never quit, until she is dead. I would like to leave, I long for romance and not feeling lonely, I still want a sexual relationship, I have told her that, she just turns away. I am sure she thinks I will do nothing, my age, lack of own income control, and a still alive but dormant love for her after forty years of marriage is enough. I do feel trapped, I do resent Her for this and I resent myself for not walking 12 years ago, a sad existence in a sea of material things , living a lie daily is hell on earth but I want not for the nicer things, just the emotional happiness.