at a loss what to do really, tonight kind of made me think

Greetings, dug. Welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of.

Been there. My wife would do the same thing. She'd be flirty in public. I'd make sexual suggestions to her that she would accept with a smile. But, once we got home, zilch. Nada. Nothing.

My guess is she and your wife played the same game.

It's frustrating as hell.

When You Say "text her" I am guessing you mean the friend. it is unclear because you used the word she when you also described "she" as your wife.

I don't shag anyone in my close circle that hangs out or would possibly hurt my H. MY rule is not yours and I support whatever you do. Your wifey cheated you out of sex and I would not place any blame if you found a FWB. You have every right to tell her once that you will be getting sex elsewhere and then follow through.

reason number two --You said you had a fair amount to drink. Inhibitions run very low and to text when sober.<---yikes.  Just not a good idea and you risk losing a friend and getting caught by her H. I had a FWB and we had rules about texting and I didn't text when I knew he was at home, unless he texted me. ( I am listed as a male in his phone, hiding in plain sight he is listed in my phone as a FaceB friend with a female name an nothing sexual is texted, pretty mundane, like are you working and I use his last name like a male would do) We are not out to hurt our spouses, even though I told my H I would be stepping out for sex.  If you do any flirting do it right then and there.  Make your wife jealous? Who cares?  Maybe next time take her to go get something from the store and just flirt because damnit, it feels good to be human!!



My husband also knows I am a flirt although I don't flirt as much as I used to .

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...and, oh, yes. The attention you received was wonderfully exciting, indeed. At minimum, you have a fantasy to dream about, now. Hopefully, it gets your curiosity up about how to improve your situation.

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Got some of my own.

Switch it.
Suppose she was propositioning you and you decide to open your marriage (secretly or with full disclosure).
Not texting your friend could be taken for rejection.
Is that the message you're meaning to send?

Drunken couples parties are good cover for open couples. Not impossible your friends are already polyamorous and they were "feeling you out". 

If'n it were me, I'd be keeping that phone number warm as a second girlfriend to check in with.
The first number being a third woman, in order to test the waters of opening up your marriage without risking a good friendship.
It's one thing if your friend corrupts a loyal husband, it's a smaller sin to be the second "hussy".
If you get to the point where Mrs. Dug tacitly condones your stepping out, she may be accepting of your friend as preferable to an 'unknown quantity'. Sneaking around with the friend would be impossible to hide if full disclosure polygamy/polyamory isn't your plan.

Jerri's FWB was also in a sexless marriage. They both solved each other's problem.
What if this friend is in an SM too?
You're not doing favors staying away.

If you read around this site, Baza normally directs people to get a free counseling from a lawyer to see how divorce would end up for you.  He didn't this time, so I'll add it in here.
Even if that's unthinkable at the moment, the trip to the legal beagle before pursuing "outsourcing" is wise, even if you never wish it to happen. Refuser spouses not uncommonly insist on leaving spouses they can't control at the very core. 



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