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Post by northstarmom on Sept 8, 2021 14:46:00 GMT -5
"1. "Wipe the slate clean." Asking someone to "Wipe the slate clean" can achieve several clever objectives. First, it shows the person delivering the statement to be a generous character, happy to put any differences behind her. Secondly, it effectively wipes out what has happened in the past as being "too insignificant to remember." (Did anything, in fact, ever happen? Other than in my head, of course.) Finally, it places the person on the receiving end in a weak position. It would have seemed petty and bitter to hold onto a grudge when someone was so obviously holding out an olive branch. And so, with that simple, gracious-sounding statement, the deliverer is absolved of his abusive behaviour.... www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202101/7-things-gaslighters-will-say-confuse-and-control?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost&fbclid=IwAR2xpRusfJaN35ou_pF7C0OWz2TswTpi0x-yZu0N1CmQ7xexetLdot1RPIc |
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 8, 2021 17:48:18 GMT -5
"1. "Wipe the slate clean." First, it shows the person delivering the statement to be a generous character, happy to put any differences behind her. Secondly, it effectively wipes out what has happened in the past as being "too insignificant to remember." (Did anything, in fact, ever happen? Other than in my head, of course.) Finally, it places the person on the receiving end in a weak position. It would have seemed petty and bitter to hold onto a grudge when someone was so obviously holding out an olive branch. And so, with that simple, gracious-sounding statement, the deliverer is absolved of his abusive behaviour.... This earns an eyeroll from me. It is almost always the offending party suggesting dropping things. If it's ever the offended party, I'd instantly suspect they'd done something worse, not yet discovered, that they want a precedent of absolution to cash in later. I love when politicians get caught doing something slimy and they declare "everyone should move on." If you wipe the slate clean, then do the rotten thing again... is it a first offense? Forgiveness, fine. Amnesia? Hard pass. |
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Post by sadkat on Sept 8, 2021 19:22:36 GMT -5
I heard a lot of “I have no idea what you’re talking about”, “Don’t take it personally” (Actually, it was “You take everything so personally”), and “Everyone else does it”.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 8, 2021 19:54:24 GMT -5
"The language of gaslighting is designed to protect the gaslighter while making you call your own experience into question. It’s designed to silence you, warp events from the past, and make the gaslighter look like the good guy and you look like a highly emotional, over-reactive fantasist.
It’s so confusing to be on the receiving end of a gaslighter’s comments that you may even find yourself shocked into silence. David, a man in his fifties whose brother had launched the most vicious character assassination imaginable—which included trying to turn David’s entire family against him—unexpectedly met up with his brother one day while visiting their father."
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Post by isthisit on Sept 9, 2021 0:42:24 GMT -5
I also heard “don’t take things so personally”
an awful lot. Add in “where’s your sense of humour?”
Also a variant of water under the bridge was: “we’ve discussed this before” (which apparently meant a topic could not be raised again).
My childhood was rife with a lot of this too, perhaps this is why I fell for it time and time again.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Oct 7, 2021 4:06:13 GMT -5
Anyone feel akin to this?
How does gaslighting change a victim?
Gaslighting can be psychologically devastating. It violates trust, upends a person’s view that people are generally good, and can make them suspicious of everyone who is close to them. Falling victim to a gaslighter also erodes a person’s trust in themselves and makes them forget what they once valued about themselves; after all, it’s easy to blame themselves for having been too trusting, vulnerable, or dependent. The experience may make a victim never want to be part of a relationship again.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 7, 2021 6:17:22 GMT -5
Anyone feel akin to this? How does gaslighting change a victim? Gaslighting can be psychologically devastating. It violates trust, upends a person’s view that people are generally good, and can make them suspicious of everyone who is close to them. Falling victim to a gaslighter also erodes a person’s trust in themselves and makes them forget what they once valued about themselves; after all, it’s easy to blame themselves for having been too trusting, vulnerable, or dependent. The experience may make a victim never want to be part of a relationship again. Perhaps never is too strong a word when considering future relationships. But I would concede that it's likely to color the extent to which the poor victim is willing to commit to a future felationship. There may well be a part of them that cannot fully trust again and so they can't really buy in to the total package. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 12, 2021 5:08:23 GMT -5
I heard a lot of “I have no idea what you’re talking about”, “Don’t take it personally” (Actually, it was “You take everything so personally”), and “Everyone else does it”. I've been listening to The Covert Narcissist Podcast for an accused friend. (trying to figure out what the hell his wife is talking about) In it, the host shared The Narcissist's Prayer: www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayerThat didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
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optima
Junior Member
Posts: 35 
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Post by optima on Oct 14, 2021 0:23:44 GMT -5
I followed this link to The Covert Narcissist podcast and it is almost like she is describing my soon to be ex wife. The “Why it’s so hard to explain covert narcissistic abuse” episode is spot on. Also check out:
Dr. Ramani and realizing your life is a lie:
Damian Magee, the vulnerable narcissistic wife.
I’m now convinced that many of these refusers are covert narcissists.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 14, 2021 5:30:27 GMT -5
I followed this link to The Covert Narcissist podcast and it is almost like she is describing my soon to be ex wife. Damian Magee, the vulnerable narcissistic wife. I’m now convinced that many of these refusers are covert narcissists. Wow. The second one describes my friend's wife 90%. It's going to be jaw-dropping for him. Thanks. NOTE to Other victims: I have concerns that these videos need to be for self-education. Revealing a narcissist's misbehavior to them by sharing these videos may cause counterproductive hostility, counter-accusations, and no change to their behavior. Untainted, useful, healing "Aha!" moments are an unlikely outcome McGee's video collection: www.youtube.com/c/DarrenFMagee/videosincluding Narcissistic Mother-Son relationship, and Narcissistic Mother-In-Law |
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Post by jerri on Oct 19, 2021 0:50:56 GMT -5
seems like the gaslighter definition has been expanded by society to include basic lies, abuse, and/ manipulation. I thought it was gaslighting if they were trying to get the victim to believe xyz. (unknown to the vulnerable victim)for another target. Manipulating them to the point where they start to doubt their own eyes, judgment, or even sanity.
Here's a good video and there is a series of 1-8 videos from the movie directly
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